Back Again

 Back again ... as promised.

The lull in our health “adventures” seems to be holding.  The carnival game of “Whack-A-Mole” - (where you have a rubber hammer and you whack down a wooden mole who keeps poking his head up through the holes in a flat board) - that “life game” we have stopped playing for now.  Modern medicine - while it cannot cure our ailments - it has provided scientific measures and medicines that are keeping us - most importantly - my husband, well for now.  

One non-medicinal coping mechanism I used was knitting - a sort of escape hatch.  This knitting  time was different from other stressed filled periods in my life, because I didn’t drift away from knitting like in the past.  Rather than stop knitting, I  doubled down into it. I also did a lot of stash management.  I performed another sweep through my stash to donate some yarn to the local thrift store.  My sorting criteria was - will I be disappointed if I never get to knit with this yarn - rather than - do I love it.  Through my 70s the years are pressing me to discard stuff that just adds weight to my life.  I also gave in to purchasing many new patterns and yarns - probably more yarn purchases than yarn donations (*sigh).  I really didn’t have to buy yarn, but it did give me the opportunity to explore other yarns I have never used.  I also spent time getting my Ravelry account current - no pictures of knitted projects, but all other areas are up to date. Now when I look at Ravelry patterns, Ravelry automatically pairs up items from my current stash that others used for this same project. This is a time saving feature.  If a project has a 1,000 finished objects, I can be connected quickly with only those projects that used yarn I have in stash.  That pairing of stash to patterns is a remarkable Ravelry feature I previously ignored because my stash inventory was so wrong. 

Actual knitting, however, was limited to just one project - and I am still working on it.  Last winter I started a project called Stockinette Tee by Svetlana Volkova.  

 

It is probably the first close-to-the-skin project I have ever done - not counting socks.  I’ve done shawls and sweaters that are worn over other clothing, toys and blankets. But in over 30 years of knitting, I never knit a garment called a tee or a blouse. What I discovered is that close-to-the-skin garments are a little more demanding when it comes to fit and gauge. 

My first yarn choice for the Stockinette Tee was from stash and it was the blend of 2 yarns to obtain a worsted gauge.  One yarn was a fingering weight called Silk Road by Kiparoo Farms - a blend of silk and wool - that was soft and drapey (top left).  The second yarn was a lace weight by Unplanned Peacock called Whisper Lace - a blend of Alpaca, silk, and cashmere. (right) This combination (bottom left - biggest ball) was not only exceedingly soft but the colors of the Silk Road (the multi-shaded one - top left) were muted somewhat in the fabric it produced - reducing any pooling concerns.

All the edges are rolling.

I started that darn Stockinette Tee about 5 times.  It is a top down garment that begins from the very first row at the neck with stockinette - actually one of the features of this tee that I thought was very nice.  As any knitter knows, however, stockinette curls.  I falsely assumed it wouldn’t curl because the designer's picture shows no curl.  She would explain how she did that, and all would be well!  But after looking at the pictures others took - I suspected my assumption was wrong.   Almost everyone’s curled. I didn’t like the look.  One knitter gave the pattern poor marks for not explaining how to achieve a cast on that didn’t curl.    I almost abandoned the pattern before it had reach row 5.  At some point I switched to my own version of a neck line (a hem neck) that was acceptable.  

I reached second major hurtle with this tee.  I got past the arm holes and joining the body, but then decided that the arm holes were not big enough.  I extended the arm holes by another inch - risking the chance I might run out of yarn for the sleeves.  If it didn’t fit, I wouldn’t wear it so I extended it.  I closed up the arm holes and barreled my way down the sweater with simple stockinette. At some point I stopped and tried it on.  Crazy, but the sweater was now too big.  Part of the problem was that although I got stitch gauge, I didn’t get row gauge - which never mattered in other projects I did because I would just extend the pattern to where I wanted it.  In this pattern, row gauge is important. 

Frustrating.

I went onto Ravelry and checked the yarn the designer used.  Drops Air - found it was an inexpensive option - purchased that yarn (because you know I was in a buying mood) - and cast that on.  

BIG DIFFERENCE!  No, the Drops Air was not as pretty as my Silk Road blend but the gauge was spot on and it seemed to settle comfortably into the pattern.  It also is knitting up faster because the row gauge is bigger.  I decided that the raglan sections would start at the very top of the neck and the non-raglan sections would be garter.  It is sort of like a very wide rib.  Once it is blocked, if it looks better than the picture it will stay.  Otherwise if will get folded down and sewn in place. 

I still haven’t made up my mind if I like this Drops Air fabric, but it is a very warm, very light weight option - good for the winter.  I will finished the Drops Air tee, block it and then see how it fits.  If I decide it isn’t for me, I will donate the finish object, and consider it a learning exercise.

And the Silk Road blend?? I ripped it all out recovering all that lovely yarn, and it is now in a ball (the big ball in the top picture.)  And I think I found the perfect pattern for it - and I will cast that one on soon.  Pictures to follow on that in the next post.

So what have I learned from this 7 months of knitting focused on only 1 pattern?  

• Check row guage.  In fitted garments it makes a difference.
• Don’t force a beautiful yarn into a project just because you want to use both together.  After I balled up the Silk Road I felt relieved that I hadn’t wasted this wonderful yarn on a project that didn’t seem to fit it well.
• The Silk Road yarn is just gorgeous in person.  It requires the simplest of patterns - just something that will allow the yarn to take center stage and shine all my itself.  And since the dyer of that yarn has died this past winter, all her yarn (of which I have other colors) has now become very precious.
• And finally, but most impactfully - my body is not as slender as the model’s body.  This little truth trips me up all the time. :-)  What looks good on a slender person (who could probably wear a potato sack and look smashing) doesn’t always look good on an elderly round body.  

I’ll post the finished Drops Air version of the pattern when it is blocked.  

That is about all I have a present.  What I am really hoping is that as I re-learn all the stuff I used to know (and now seem to have forgotten), future projects won’t take me a year to complete.  Seriously, I can't believe how long this is taking ... and I have sooooo so many projects and yarn lined up waiting to be started!!

Solid Progress - short update!

Without sounding too confident, I think things are settling out in our lives and especially in my husband’s health.  No more new unexpected surprises.  All conditions are being medically managed and he is feeling better.  In fact, yesterday, he and I went out for a 15 minute walk around our community, and other than being tired, it was a huge improvement for him over the last time he walked.  That time was before his hospitalization in May, and he definitely was struggling then.  Now the only struggle is keeping our daily walks going consistently.    

We both saw our primary care doctor this past week.  She was especially happy with my husband’s  progress.  

Then she moved on to me.  “And how are you doing?”  Seriously, now-a-days my mind goes blank regarding my health issues.  I can quote “chapter and verse” on any aspect of his care, but I sort of loose the thread of the discussion when it comes to me. I said something to the effect to her right then.  After a few (like one) condition update, I paused.  I thought for sure she might mention my weight gain.  I have gained 10 pounds in the last 4 months and more than that since my knee surgery last September.  So before the physical exam began, I brought up “the elephant in the room.”  (That phrase certainly felt appropriate in the moment.). I noted the weight gain and before I could finish saying anything about how I  got this weight gain (sitting too much, eating too much, eating the wrong foods,  etc. etc. etc.) she looked at me and said one word.  “Stress.”  It stopped me in my tracks. “Yes, Stress.  I noticed you gained 9 pounds since I last saw you.”   She went on to say the last 6 to 7 months have been filled with nothing but stress.  "It is normal that a weight gain would occur,” she went on.  “You can start to focus on you now - and we can see how you are doing in November - say before Thanksgiving, maybe??”

Have you ever had someone tell you something that was so observant and so non-judgmental ... and so true, yet for some stupid reason you couldn’t seem to admit that truth to yourself? You just blamed, blamed, blamed yourself for letting things get out of hand. 

I can tell you that not one doctor I have had before did more than say ... “try cutting out the cookies.”  Yes, that actually was said to me previously.  

I could feel emotions starting to fill me up.  So my response was limited but also grateful.  “Ok.”  

On the shopping therapy front, I made one more purchase yesterday from Purl Soho for some yarn I have had my eye on for maybe 10 months and it was 25% off now.  God knows, I don’t need any more yarn, but I did it anyway.  Now for the yarn diet to start.  Taking care of myself includes putting the break on these kinds of expenses.

Anyway, that is where we are right now.  The next post will be yarn and knitting focused!  Promise.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up!

February is when I last visited this space.  I am not even sure why I am here now except that I still have a few kind readers who are left and maybe wondering - is she still with us?  I am.  And my husband, thank the Good Lord, is still with me as well.

The winter and spring has been bumpy to say the least. My husband began to feel poorly starting in October or November.  On New Year’s Eve had an aphasia event - a brief inability to put his thoughts into words.  No other symptoms, and although I did check him for a stroke the episode, it passed quickly. I decided that a trip to the ER on New Year’s Eve was probably not needed.   That episode, however, was later diagnosed as a mini-stroke or a TIA, so maybe we should have gone.  ERs are not healthy places to be during the winter - well maybe not anytime.  Once the diagnosis was made, however, it launched an avalanche of doctor appointments and diagnostic testing over many specialists.   

Initially it began with a visit to his primary doctor and a neurologist, but then expanded to a cardiologist.  The cardiologist’s testing and findings lead to establishing care with a pulmonologist.   

He now has COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, emphysema and chronic bronchitis) due to smoking earlier in life.  He quit in 1985 but the damage is done regardless.  Now he is on various inhalors.

And in April he had to have one of his surveillance EGDs with the Gastroenterologist.  That test came up negative for the return of cancer,  thankfully.  But he couldn’t have it done until he got clearance from the cardiologist, neurologist and pulmonologist.  His next surveillance EGD this fall, we need to get the same 3 clearances, but now we add his Oncologist - but I have gotten ahead of myself in this story.

We thought by the end of April he had exhausted his list of new doctors and new diagnoses. Unfortunately we were wrong.  He started having weight fluctuation - which we were tracking at the cardiologist’s request.  We suspected fluid retention.  He also had trouble sleeping because he was "focused on breathing". He never said he was short of breath - in fact he insisted he wasn’t short of breath. So we waited to see his primary care doctor. That was a mistake.

That appointment was on May 4th.  She recommended that he go straight to the ER.  He needed urgent testing with stat results and that is only obtained at the ER.  When we got to the ER the place was packed (normal for our hospital).  I thought we would have a long wait.  We didn’t.  They took him right away.  They promptly checked his oxygen levels and he was critically low.  He was started on oxygen and admitted, and stayed in the hospital for 7 days!!  (Yikes! They don’t keep anyone for 7 days anymore.) At first they diagnosed pneumonia, but later settled on fluid build up around his lungs - due to heart failure. They were also tracking abnormal blood work that his Oncologist was also tracking. In conjunction with his Oncologist’s review, he received 2 blood transfusion in the hospital and at discharge (the very next day) the Oncologist saw him. While anemia was known since his chemotherapy, it had not resolved.  So a bone marrow biopsy was done and the test results came back - a type of blood cancer.  As explained to us, it was a very slow growing type of cancer and was probably already there when Chemotherapy was started.  But Chemo sort of jump started the progression of this condition.

At this point in the story, my husband and I had become sort of numb to all the bad news.  He was off oxygen, he was feeling good again, eating and drinking well - feeling “cured” so to speak, and yet the health discoveries continued the mount up.

Believe it or not, there is a fortunate ending to the story. If you look for the positives, you usually can find some.  All of his diagnoses have treatments that allow him to maintain a “normal”  life again.  Even the blood cancer has an injection that prompts the bone marrow to make new blood cells and thereby avoid blood transfusions.  

I have said this over and over again.  Living in this time - and this place - (because we live near medical centers that provide state of the art medical care) - we are the luckiest people on earth. Great doctors, prompt medical care, exceptional treatment options ... you can’t ask for more than that as you approach 80 years of age.  My husband’s 80th birthday is this August.

He is doing well.  Of course, we take daily weight, blood pressure and oxygen checks to capture any change in his status.  Best to adjust things before being hospitalized for them.  We also keep oxygen in the condo - although he hasn’t needed it since a week after discharge.  But all is well right now in this household, so I guess that is why I felt I could write this post.

Will I be back to this blog?  I honestly don’t know.  I have been doing a lot of knitting, (A LOT) so I could probably do a post on that... and I have also been doing some yarn and pattern "retail therapy" (shopping you do to make yourself feel better).  My yarn stash is at a pretty high level right now.  

It either is me buying too much yarn  or the yarn is reproducing on its own. I think it is the latter. 😀. 

At least we can both breathe freely once again.

Knitters, Your Mystery Awaits

 The idea of knitting with others is as old as knitting itself I would guess.  The evolution of a Knit-Along where everyone knits the same item became popular with the evolution of online groups and websites like Ravelry in the early 2000s.  A Mystery Knit-Along (MKA) is yet another younger evolution born from previous knitting groups.  In a MKA, the participants initially know limited information about a project (like it is: shawl, or sweater or scarf), yarn suggestions, knitting needle sizes  and guage. But nothing about the actual pattern is available until the first “clue” or segment of the pattern is released. Further clues are released on a regular schedule until the finished project is revealed.

In 2025 I joined my first Mystery Knit Along created by Stolen Stitches - a knitting vendor out of Ireland.  The designer and business owner is Carol Feller.  This site has it all: yarn, patterns, on line classes to support most patterns offered, several free instructional videos and a robust community website that houses the classes you have purchased and networking opportunities to interact with others who are working on the same pattern as you.  Last but not least, (at least in my mind), you get to listen to Ms. Feller's lovely lyrical Irish accented English on the video classes.  

The colors in these shawls are truer than in following pictures.

The Mystery Knit Along (MKA) for 2025 was a shawl.  I made two of them. The blue one is made from yarn I selected for this pattern from Stolen Stitches.  The white one is made from yarn I had in my stash.  I really enjoyed making both of them, but I made some rookie errors in the blue shawl which I felt compelled to correct them in the white one.   

The main error was size - I like larger shawls.  And since I used the wrong needle size, I got a shawlette.  Lovely but not what I wanted.  This was not the fault of the designer - but of a knitter (me) who has been at this for about 30 years - and used one size smaller needle thinking it wouldn't make THAT much of a difference.  Well, it did.

Onward to 2026!!

My yarn for the 2026 Mystery Knit Along. I am such a fan of greens!

The 2026 MKA begins tomorrow, February 10.  I enjoyed the first MKA so much that I signed up weeks ago for this one.  I have the right yarn and the right needles.  My yarn for this project has been spun into cakes. I am ready.  

If you join a group and purchase the yarn from Stolen Stitches, a lovely drawstring canvas bag 
comes with your order.  If you sign up for the event, but use your own yarn from your stash,
you are considered a digital member - you get the pattern only.  That is
a nice option if you have a yarn that is appropriate.

PS:  I get no compensation from Stolen Stitches for all the nice things I said about their business.  I am happy to promote businesses that exceed my expectations. But be aware, in our current political climate, products shipped to the US are fair game for the Trump “tax” ... I mean tariffs.  So everything costs more. 

The Line Jumper

So this blog post is about a line jumper - a crochet project that jumped the line - a line of perfectly wonderful knitting projects.  

The things I do for a “pretty face!”

But a bit about the line first.

I recently did a mini reorg of the pending knitting projects.  For the last few years, whenever possible I looked at new patterns that match my current yarn inventory rather than purchasing new yarn.  It just seemed the older I got, the more I worried I would never get to knit with some of my wonderful stash.  I am far from perfect at resisting purchases as yarn fairs are always pitfalls for my wallet.  But they have become small pitfalls as I am pretty successful at keeping limits on yarn purchases overall.

The ‘line up’ in question was created when I buddied up a yarn with a pattern and put them in a project bag. I have many such buddied pairs. And that was the problem.   I forgot what projects I have in those  very cute bags.  Many many forgotten projects because I couldn’t see them in the bag.  So I purchased a box of 2 1/2 gallon clear plastic bags at the grocery store, transferred waiting projects into them, and they are now on a shelf where they are totally visible as I enter the room ... all 20+ of them! (Geez, that is crazy.) When they get picked to start,  they then get assigned to one of my many project bags. The project(s) I am working on gets the attention first because it waited its turn in line.

Along comes a pretty face! A line jumper. A granny square design that I thought I would never see except in a blanket.  Granny squares I planned never to make again after the 1970s.  Seriously, how did that happen?

In November my cousin and sister visited.  My cousin was excited about a new project she wanted to do and wear next summer. At first I thought, “cute.”  Then I noticed, oh cotton!!  I have about 40 skeins of wonderful Pima Cotton in vibrant colors - without a buddy.  Could this pattern be the buddy for some of that yarn?  The pattern is call OMA Goodness Top. 

I looked it up on Ravelry.  A cotton lacy looking top over a white shell in summer.  I checked out the tops made by many others. Before you knew it, I pulled out that box of pima cotton hidden in my closet where all the unassigned yarn lives, and we were happily picking colors, mixing and matching, making decisions, etc. etc. etc. And some of that cotton went home with my cousin.  It was fun. It was also a “win-win.” I reduced the stash some and another yarn got a buddy.

I purchased the pattern, and it would have been fine if I stopped there. The cotton and the pattern would have been dropped in a clear plastic bag and taken its place on the shelf with the other “chosen.”  But no!!  Out came the crochet hooks as well, and I was off and running ... or rather crocheting.

Plans rapidly began to form in my mind as I crocheted.  I would bring the neck in some. (My neck is not my best feature.). I’d make the hem fall below my waist. (At 78 showing a little midriff is just not a good look.)  I will limit my color selections to a few:  2 shades of green and maybe 3 other colors - all on a white background.  Green is the theme that will tie the squares together taming the overall busy look a little bit.  Of the finished projects on Ravelry, the ones I liked best had limited colors or a theme.

Here are some the squares that I have completed.

In the flurry of activity caused by this pattern I ignored the little voices of caution.  Do you now have too many WIPS (works in progress)?  More WIPS than five - and little moves forward to completion for me.  No matter.  I will work out it out later to find out.  Of course, if another pretty face passes my way - I may need to re-think that number.

It's a slippery slope.

( Recently another line jumper - or two *sigh* - is making a push for my attention! Geez.  Six or seven WIPS isn’t too many, is it?)

More on that later.

A pretty face!

Still knitting ... slowly, slowly.

Christmas finally cycled around to the end for us as of yesterday.  We host a yearly holiday party for a group of friends my husband has known for decades and who we see for gaming every month.  Yesterday was that gathering.

Our tree will come down today.  Holiday decorating has been minimized with each passing year so putting the decorations away takes very little time.  But getting the boxes back in the storage closet is what takes the time.  I do a “clean sweep” of that closet as part of storing Christmas away.  It is a pretty large walk in closet that by November is no longer “walk in.”  So a yearly clean out after the holiday seems appropriate.

Over the last year and a half my knitting has been minimized as well.  Surgery, doctor appointments, medical tests, physical therapy, normal household maintenance just kept building into a mountain of tasks ending the year with Christmas prep  ... it really socked a hole in available time and energy.  But now we are in the slow season and medical demands are slowing.  Knitting and blogging should pick up speed - I hope! 

As usual the yarn color is not quite right.  But the bead color is perfect and the beads are exactly
the same shade as the yarn in person.

Looking at the possible works in progress I could pick up - this project seemed like a good place to start.  This is yarn from deep deep stash maybe 20 years ago.  I believe it is Plymouth Yarn - super wash worsted weight wool.  I don’t seem to have the paper sleeve, so I am guessing.  And I may have blogged about the project previously.  

  

.

This yarn has a story.  At least 20 years ago I was traveling to Ocean City, Maryland to visit with family. I researched in advance that a yarn store was just north of Ocean City and since I was early arriving at the shore, I had time to swing by the shop.  

The shop was so congested with yarn you could hardly focus on anything.  A bit discouraging.  But this sandy color did catch my eye.  And it was gently variegated in intensity - as the sand at the shore is dark and light in color too.  So I snapped it up and I found perfectly matched beads for it.  I didn’t have a pattern but the yarn just seemed a perfect purchase for this ocean trip.

And a pattern did finally show up a few years ago.  Set Sail Shawl by Erin Johnson.  It is a pretty simple design but its name seemed to fit the theme.  It seemed to say - “Pick me, I am the one for your sandy yarn!”  When I stopped working on it, I had only about 10 inches out of 61 inches in length completed.  When I found it packed away, again it seemed to say “Pick me.  I am the one to help you return to your much loved hobby, because I am simple to do and as you can see my beautiful sandy shading in this pattern.”  Do my yarns talk to me like this?  Not routinely, but it certainly seemed like a knitting command from the knitting gods. 

I have more to tell with another project in the works - and a fun tracking tool I purchased at a fair last November.  This tracking tool seemed also to be just the right thing to keep me focused.

Next Time!

KNEE UPDATE and hopeful a new beginning for 2026

Here I am 4 months out from knee replacement surgery!  I am very very pleased with this out come even if it isn’t a totally symptom free knee at this point.  And I accept the fact that leg exercises - and many other kinds of exercises will be necessary to recover and then maintain for the rest of whatever years are left to me.

Wow - that last statement sounded down.  It isn’t.  Seriously, I am so very grateful to have made it to 78 with all my faculties and now a renewed energy thanks to medical science.  So the statement whatever “years I have left” are just a nod to the reality that I made it to an older age and a desire to make those remaining years as positive and healthy as I possibly can.

Our Christmas was wonderful!!  My family celebrates on Christmas Eve.  That frees up Christmas Day for my daughter-in-law and my son to visit with her family.  And this year my daughter brought a date - a man she has been seeing for almost a year.  It was a full house and it was joyful.  And, of course, there was my grand daughter.  You can’t be too down when it is Christmas and she is around.  I can honestly say that my typical Christmas sadness (due to loosing both parents around the Christmas holiday) never entered my mind the whole evening.  It was wonderful to have such positive memories to replace the old sad ones that previously lingered through this season. 

Now on to 2026!  I am now focused on a few simple desires for this year.

1. I need to return to blogging.  I miss it when I don’t blog.  Blogging reminds me of all the things in my life I am grateful for.  I tend to ignore gratitude when I am not blogging.
2. I need to cluster our medical appointments better.  My husband and I have a lot of those.  I attend all his because he is blind so everything is double for me.  In the past I would limit appointments to one a day.  Doing that ate up our whole month.  Going forward I plan to group appointments into one week of the month.  We will see how that goes, but it is a goal. 
3. I need to focus on my health overall more - not just my legs.  That includes cooking better options and exercising more than just my legs.  Getting into some kind of walking routine will also be a focus.
4. I need to feed my knitting/crochet/weaving part of my life.  And if I make point #3 happen, point #4 will happen too. 

Notice - these are not resolutions or goals.  It is simply what I desire to do. And actually they are what I used to do before my knee became the focus of everything in my life.  Having harnessed the knee pain has made so many other things possible!  A perfect example?  This Christmas I made Christmas cookies!  It has been years since I did that.  Maybe a decade.

And I have so many fiber knitting plans.  That creative spark seemed to die out earlier in 2025 when so much of my life was centered around pain and how to live with it.  I will put together another post on just those plans.  

Other posts are perking in my brain again.  More to come. Promise.

Thanks to those who return time and time again.  I don’t deserve such faithful readers - but I am totally grateful for them

2025 Reading List - Final

At the beginning of 2025 I saw a book list on a blog that I follow - 5 Acres and a Dream.  

This was the first time I encountered a blogger’s book list. Leigh’s 2024 books list was HUGE.  Suddenly I wondered about my own reading/viewing habits.

My list for 2025 was born. I added a number rating to help me remember my impressions of the author’s work without a wordy review. 

A few notes about my reading list.  

• Kindle books: My Kindle is filled with various kinds escapism fiction obtained through Kindle Unlimited.  Kindle Unlimited is offered through Amazon and is a monthly subscription service.  Many of the titles on my Kindle list are only offered in Kindle versions and frequently are independently released by the author.  While this usually results in less proofing and editing, it does provide many exciting hours of enjoyment that would be missed if you limit your reading to only traditional publishing.
• Audible books: My Audible books are a mix of escapism, best sellers, biographies, history, thrillers, etc. 
• Actual books generally are reference books. And this year there are only 2 titles.  (Much to my surprise.)

It is common for me to have 3 books going at one time - one in each type.  I love long stories so finding an author that provides 9 or 10 books following the same characters in a continuing story is great fun for me.  Although I consider my book choices eclectic,  End-of-the-World, apocalypse, EMP, zombie fiction seem to dominate my reading choices.  Escapism is my entertainment.  Improving my brain is a low priority.  😂

Numbers Rating Definitions:

(1) - Awful:  Didn’t finish - sometimes they are so awful that they didn’t even make the list! God forbid someone see a title that was actually trash - and wondered why I thought there was any reason to start reading it.

(2) - Disappointing:  Finished it but will not follow the author.

(3) - Ok: Probably will not follow the author unless the characters grow on me.

(4) - Very good:  Enjoyable. Fun. Informative. Probably will read other books by this author.

(5) - Exceptional.  Can’t wait for the next book.  Will haunt this author’s works going forward

*********** 

THE 2025 LIST

Actual Books 

Thriving Beyond Fifty - Will Harlow Mac, MCSP, Cert. MA - I follow him on his YouTube and he is excellent. 

In the Shadow of Man - Jane Goodall.  In process. 

Audio Books (mostly from Audible.Com)

Glock Grannies: Cozy Mystery, Book 1 - Shannon VanBergen - (2)

Baskets and Beignets: Miss Fortune Mysteries, Book 27 - Jana Deleon  (4)

The Naturalist - Andrew Mayne (1)

Night Watch - Jayne Anne Phillips (1)

The President’s Daughter - James Patterson and Bill Clinton (3)

Conclave - Robert Harris (4)

Wild Storm - Richard Castle (3)

Big Dumb Eyes - Nate Bargatze (3)

Oracle - Andrew Pyper (3-4)

Oracle 2 The Dreamland Murders - Andrew Pyper (4)

Oracle 3 Murder at Grandview - Andrew Pyper (3)

All or Nothing - Michael Wolf - (5)

Crocodile on the Sandbank - Dramatized Adaption - Elizabeth Peters (5)

Dungeon Crawler Carl - Matt Dinniman (4)

Carl’s Doomsday Scenario - Matt Dinniman (3)

Nobody’s Girl - Virginia Roberts Giuffre (*)

107 Days - Kamala Harris ( * )

America Falls - Scott Medbury - In process

Kindle Books (mostly from Kindle Unlimited found on Amazon)

Chaos Gains: A Post-Apocalyptic Survival Thriller, Book 5 - Harley Tate - (4)

Chaos Evolves: A Post-Apocalyptic Survival Thriller, Book 6 - Harley Tate - (4)

Hope Sparks: A Post-Apocalyptic Survival Thriller, Book 7 - Harley Tate - (5)

Hope Stumbles: A Post-Apocalyptic Survival Thriller, Book 8 - Harley Tate - (5)

Hope Survives: A Post-Apocalyptic Survival thriller, Book 9 - Harley Tate - (5)

The Lotus Key: An Eden Black Archaeological Thriller, Book 6- Luke Richardson - ( 4 )

Gravewater Lake  - A. M. Strong and Sonya Sargent (3)

Shelter in Place: Frozen Blackout - An EMP Post Apocalypse Prepper, Book 1 - Clay Wise (5)

Off The Grid: Frozen Blackout - An EMP Post Apocalypse Prepper, Book 2 Clay Wise (5)

The Road Ahead: Frozen Blackout - An EMP Post Apocalyptic Prepper, Book 3 Clay Wise (5)

Neighborhood Watch Books 1-10 EE Isherwood (5)

No Small Caper: A Small Town Cozy Mystery - Cynthia Hickman - (4)

Caper Goes Missing: A Small Town Cozy Mystery - Cynthia Hickman - (3)

A Strange Game for Caper: A Small Town Cozy Mystery - Cynthia Hickman - (3)

Capers Dark Adventure: A Small Town Cozy Mystery - Cynthia Hickman (3)

Caper Finds a Clue: A Small Town Cozy Mystery - Cynthia Hickman (3)

Caper Steals Christmas: A Small Town Cozy Mystery - Cynthia Hickman (3)

Broken Bayou - Jennifer Moorhead (4)

Antarctica Station - A. G. Riddle (5)

Deeper Than the Dead - Debra Webb (4)

After the End - 7 Book Series - Sam J Fires (5)

EMP After the Lights: An EMP Post Apocalypse Prepper Survival Thriller - W. Stone (5)

Not Another Zombie Book - D. B. Randelia (3)

Last Mom Standing - Mary Jane Owen (4)

The Tox Shot: The ‘Z’ Word - R. S. Merritt (4)

The Sox Shot: No Rest for the Bitten - R. S Merritt (4)

The Last Patient of the Night - Gary Gerlacher (5)

The Faulty Bloodline - Gary  Gerlacher (5)

Sin City Treachery - Gary Gerlacher - in process

While these lists aren't embarrassingly short, they aren’t as long as I anticipated.  I think that is for 2 reasons: 

1. I stream a lot of stuff on TV.  After dinner when I am settling down in my chair, I stream movies and TV shows on Netflix and Amazon Prime.    I have a list of interesting selections waiting to be viewed on both streaming platforms. I considered keeping another list of titled streamed, but decided against it.  That list would probably be embarrassing as it might be longer than the combination of my reading lists. 🥹 
2. I probably missed a few titles on my book lists.

(*) Two Books were very important to me this year:

• Nobody’s Girl:  The most impactful and memorable book I read this year was Nobody’s Girl by Virginia Roberts Giuffre.  Assigning a number rating to this book seemed wrong. It raised so many emotions.  It was a riveting story and sad at the same time - knowing that in the end her personal history that she fought so hard to overcome finally caught up with her and ended in suicide.  There is no number that captures Virginia Giuffre’s story. But the words “Fearless Truth Teller” does fit! 
• 107 Days:  Needles to say, I was a supporter of the Democratic ticket in the last election  - regardless of who was running.  I thought hearing Kamala’s telling of her experiences as she tried to gain the presidency in an impossibly short time was worth hearing.  I was so very disappointed when she didn’t win.  But I don’t consider this loss hers alone.  The Democratic Party and Joe Bidden had a hand in her loss as well.  She is a warrior and she did the impossible nearly winning in the popular vote.  

I enjoyed creating this list in 2025, but I am pretty sure I won’t keep it up for 2026.  Things that sound interesting to do in January, often loose their luster for me by June.  I am just not that disciplined any more.  This year, 2026, I will turn 79.  That is perilously close to 80, for gosh sakes.  The only thing I am disciplined about any more is my nightly leg exercises - and that is only because I need those 2 appendages to get me from point A to point B unaided and with the least amount of pain!  I was forced to do 'the cane and the walker thing' for about 1 1/2  years, and it was so very depressing.  Now that I am back on my two legs - I intend to stay that way. And staying that way involves keeping strong legs.

Getting back into the blogging habit is something I hope to do in 2026. 

Happy New Year to all.

                                            

Three Steps Forward - Two Steps Back

I saw the surgeon at 2 weeks post surgery, and he was very happy with the knee.  Healing nicely, great extension and great flexion for this stage of healing.  In fact, I am driving!  I got permission to drive just a little 2 weeks after surgery. Unheard of!  But I was off opioids and my knee function was good.  Just shows what state-of-the-art medical technology and surgical procedures as well as a highly skilled surgeon can do.  I am still icing and using Tylenol and walking with a knee sleeve on. In the condo I do walk without any aids mostly.  But when I go out of the condo - even just for the mail. I have the cane with me. Of, course, I am still in PT.  But I am still in awe of the fact that my new right knee is a perfect match to the left knee I was born with. I thank the Mako company for creating the match - and the Mako robot for helping to make a perfect space during surgery to get that new knee “installed."

But my post surgical progress has not been all sun shine and roses! 

With my anemia, my oxygen-carrying blood cell counts and my iron counts have been below normal since my 2023 kidney surgery.  Just before surgery all those counts had greatly improved - some into the normal range.  I was at the best levels in 2 years.  I was stoked!!  Unfortunately with surgery you bleed!  With this surgery, they dipped rather dramatically again.  In fact they dipped lower than I had been for 2 years.  And my body energy made that evident.  That with a UTI I didn’t catch for a few days and lack of sleep from the nerve regeneration pain taking place in my knee at night, I was pretty much a “walking dead” person! 

My surgeon gave me meds for the night time pain - so that got fixed.  The UTI got antibiotics for 5 days so that got fixed. But the bloods counts still dragged on very low so physically I was dragging myself around as well.  Once it was confirmed by the hematologist that my body wasn’t replacing red blood cells after 3 weeks post surgery - they ordered injections of a hormone that will stimulate the production of red blood cells. That is not a forever medicine - just an intervention to give my body a kick start to handle this process on its own.

So I am moving forward, healing and improving.  The world of possibilities is once again ahead of me.

One of those possibilities is knitting.  You would think with all this rest time that I would be knitting, knitting, knitting.  Nope!  It seemed like too much work to even hold the needles and do garter stitch. (Yes, I was that fatigued. I considered breathing my achievement most days during those very fatigued periods.). But that cloud have begun to clear.  Sunday I knitted a row on a shawl.  It was a very long row and it was just garter - but I did it. Today I started planning a second shawl with yarn I got from Stolen Stitches out of Ireland.  I joined a club
call Seasons.  With each season you got a new pattern and the yarn for that pattern. You also got access to the videos that supported you step by step.  I love, love, love this company.  However, below are the pictures and the tale of the summer season pattern and yarn.

So the pattern was a vest that could transition into a shawl.  A rather ingenious design I thought.
I actually was sort of on the fence if I liked this pattern or not.
But it did have nice drape and it isn’t body hugging which I liked. 
So I cast on.

 

The lace pattern itself was pretty.  But I discovered very soon after leaving the garter insert and
getting into the lace section that this pattern was not going to be for me.  I can fix most simple
mistakes in knitting. But I am not good at fixing mistakes when the lace pattern sits
ontop of itself in every single row.  My brain just doesn’t work like that.
So I pulled out the knitting.

Here is the yarn that I chose for this pattern.  It was one of 3 available to me.  
And it is a beautiful yarn - better than the photos show.  And 
I thought initially that it was a better choice for the
pattern than the one the designer chose - as shown in the pictures above.


And the knitting you see above is actually for the pattern in the next picture.

I decided I would do Holden.  This is a pattern I have done before. And when
I wear it I get a lot of compliments.  I planned to do it one more time, only larger.
And I thought this club yarn would be a good choice for the repeat.  

But I was not inspired doing a repeat this time.  I checked my patterns once again.  Rheinlust
was another pattern I wanted to do and it was not a repeat. I think I have settled on
this pattern for that lovely club yarn.

 So with little to no actual knitting accomplished, the planning for my knitting has begun.  I think that is an indication of energy returned - at least I am not focused on just breathing anymore.  And soon I will frog that small knitted piece and cast on this beautiful pattern that has been in my stack of patterns for years - literally years!

So while there have been some steps backwards in the last month - there has been forward movement - and I think I am gaining ground.  

On the other side

So it is done, right knee is replaced, and I am so tired and so sore.  But it is “fixed."  I am healing and started my first rehab appointment ... so I can take the quotes off the word fixed.

Regardless of my limitations during this healing stage, the hospital experience was exceptional.  Mercy Hospital is run by a religious order called the Sisters of Mercy in Baltimore. It is a large city hospital with an excellent reputation. In fact, although I didn’t shop around for a doctor, I landed in the hands of an excellent orthopedic surgeon. When I was asked by 4 others who was doing my surgery (2 of my specialists, my physical therapist and the hospital intake RN)  all said the same thing.  He is a quiet man, one of few words and a very competent and gifted surgeon.  The RN also said he has a pretty large practice in fixing other doctors’ mistakes from around the state. It is an example of an important consideration in where to live - living close to high value and well respected quality health care services is as important as any other consideration - maybe even more so.  

And my favorite memory is that I got to meet Mako, the robot who shared the spotlight with my surgeon.  In 2023 my kidney was removed by a robot partnered with a surgeon.  I wanted to meet that robot as well, but as I was being rolled down the hall to the surgery, the anesthesia staff had already injected something into my IV line.  I never even saw the doors to the surgery suite. But this time was different.  I was rolled into the surgical suite in a wheel chair. There were 4 or 5 staff there - all gowned and masked up.  They all introduced themselves. That was a first for me.  Finally I asked where was Mako.  I want to meet Mako - and at that very same minute they were rolling her (? him ? ? it ? ) in. I got a chance to meet the robot that already had all the measurements of my knee in its memory banks. She knew things about me that I didn’t even know!! She was the guide and the guardian of my surgery.  Yes, in hind site - she had to be a “she.” 

Now I am suffering from expected post-surgical knee pain which, at some point, will subside - unlike the pre-surgical knee pain which only got worst.  The first night I tried to sleep in my bed without success.  Once again, sleeping in my lounger was the best choice - as it was when I had my kidney surgery. I was prescribed the typical opioid meds as well as some suggested over-the-counter ones.  But there are no shortcuts to managing pain in the early healing stages.  While I can’t get to a pain free level, skipping pain meds is also not a good choice.  Earlier this week, I slept through the night without pain - until I moved to visit the bathroom in the morning.  I was reminded quite profoundly by my leg that I had major surgery on this knee and that skipping pain meds is a bad thing.  It hurt like hell! And playing catch up with the meds doesn’t work either.  If you don’t keep to the schedule and take those pills, you learn quickly that skipping any scheduled pain pills is a mistake. My daughter, who noticed my increased pain level (and after consultation with her brother by phone,) reminded me that she hadn’t heard my phone alarm and she was pretty sure I had a missed a pain pill cycle or two over night.  She gently reminded me to set that alarm and take my meds - even over night. Of course I know this!  It is the same advice I give anyone who is having surgery. Apparently I am good a giving advice but not following it. 😂  And now that I am following my own advice - and taking those darn pills, my colon has decided to go on vacation!  *Sigh* You fix one thing and another thing breaks!!  But that is a story for another time ... maybe!  It is just nice to know that my kids are acting like a safety net - and as a team apparently.  (I must be a difficult person to manage 😂😂😂😂😂.  Who knew??)

My first rehab session was yesterday, and all the pre-surgery exercise work I did - exercises done for years to avoid this surgery - paid off after this surgery. Now, after this surgery, I can still extend my leg to almost 0 degrees - or entirely flat to the floor - which is one of the rehab goals.  The second goal is how well you can bend your knee.  I don’t know the “passing grade” for this, but before surgery - laying on the floor - I could bring my heel up to my butt to within an inch or two inches,  even when it was swollen a bit.  That angle of bend is far above the goal standard.  Now my success rate is much reduced.  My bend is a bunch of inches shy of my previous achievement. Of course while some of it is due to surgery swelling, it looks like there is work to do.  But the PT tech was very impressed with how far I can bend my knee (while I, at the very same time looking at the very same knee, was appalled by at how much bend I had lost.) Mind you, both demonstrations were achieved with considerable effort and teeth grinding on my part. (Apparently I am such a competition “junkie.”)  But it appears that I aced that first PT visit.

So I am finally on the right side of this journey and it feels really good!

Getting my swelling down and producing a poop are my next goals!! (Oh my, TMI?? Maybe, but the simplest things are important too.)

Till next time.

A Shorty

 So here I am the day before knee surgery with only a few minutes to share on the blog. 

 I am definitely not nervous - just eager to get this “fix” done and start the recovery, hopefully, also reclaim some of the physical aspects of my life that I have lost.  

My to-do list for today is still too long - so I better get at it!! See you on the “other side”!!!

Health Updates

Finally - movement in the right direction!!!

My husband’s EGD and the biopsy results came back negative for cancer.  But cancer cells are small little devils that can be missed in that sampling.  So another test was ordered called Guardiant360 which is a liquid biopsy blood test for cancer DNA circulating in the blood.  That test also came back negative!!  All  the news is very encouraging.   He is officially in remission and scheduled for his first surveillance PET scan in September.  Routine surveillance testing will be in his life for some time.  Hopefully that will give us a jump on any further problems if they develop.  He still has low blood counts but, at present, they want to just watch that problem.

This "win” for him is a window for me.  Knee replacement - here I come.  It has been scheduled for September 12!  I am in the middle of many many to-dos in preparation for this surgery.   Get clearance from my various specialists. (So far all my specialists say I am “good to go.” Thank God.  I couldn’t take another delay.) Make home arrangements and transportation arrangements.  Schedule PT appointments.  While some reports indicate that this surgery recovery can long and difficult, just taking one positive step forward to fix this knee has lifted my spirits.

Meanwhile I am struggling with fatigue. And after more than a year of reduced activity and increasing pain not to mention the low blood counts I have had since my kidney surgery in 2023 - the whole of my life has taken a significant hit!  I am forced to avoid walking for exercise as it does nothing but aggravate my knee. I even avoid extra steps in the house.  And so much time spent on a walker has messed with my balance.  If I focus on something intently while standing (like grapes in a grocery store - normal stuff) - I can find my self tilting left or right or backwards.  I am aware of it fairly quickly and adjust but it is disturbing.  

September 12th can’t get here fast enough. Physical therapy and I have a lot to correct post surgery. 

Planner Failures!

I have to say, when a long term problem / illness / struggle / challenge ... arrives "center stage" in my life, it expresses itself in unexpected ways.  My center stage issue since 2023 has been my health.  The unexpected expression was Planner Failure!

How can you make a simple planner fail?  It all started with a cough.  

It started with the diagnosis of silent reflux, the cough origin, and the accidental discovery of a kidney tumor on a test  (lead actor - Gastroenterology), then surgery to remove the tumor and the kidney (Stage Left - Urology), which led to stopping anti-inflammatory meds because my lone kidney couldn’t handle that (welcome - Nephrology), resulting in exponentially increased knee pain (Stage Right - Orthopedics.). There were a few side acts in this journey - like a fast heart rate (off to a Cardiology,) and a second opinion on the cough (off to ENT,) and anemia (off to Hematology). 

There were just too many ‘ologies in my life. Too many appointments in too short a time.  And that became evident in one confusing telephone call where I started taking about Cardiology things with the Hematology staff.  Opps! Wrong body system.  That was embarrassing.

Sincerely, that is how avalanches start - a single snow flake (a cough) rolls down a snow covered hill and it becomes a force of nature that can’t be stopped (ending in 7 new doctors added to my current 5 doctors - 12 in all - before the end of 2023). 

No wonder my poor little planner couldn’t keep up - and I wasn’t doing that well either.

And all that began before my husband’s cough found by ENT and then the cancer found by Gastroenterology.  His appointments on top of mine.  Stunning.  But I am jumping ahead of myself.

The search for a better planner began.

 May 2023 to December 2023

After retiring and shedding a professional life, I used a simple monthly calendar.  It was a refillable red leather binder. No daily or weekly pages. Just monthly sheets filled with small little blocks for each day.  The size was about 5x8 inches.  To Dos were kept on a 3x5 note card. Simple life. Simple tools. It worked for years. (Until I got that cough, of course.)

My old red leather friend. You can tell it is loved.  

Then in May 2023 my calendar began to fill with medical tests, new doctors, old doctors, lots of appointments.   The picture below used to also have multiple yellow sticky notes all over it as well as folder paper inserts because there was no room for details in this system.  For 7 months I held on to this long held friend, because it had worked for years, but it was failing me now, just like my health.

I had to find a better way. 

January to August 2024

Enter the Laurel Denise planner. A full month display with small weekly pages that could be flipped during the current month - without covering the full month display. Genius. Lots and lots of unassigned space for your use.  YouTube videos offered creative suggestions. Lists, upon lists.  Decorations.  Time management. It was grand.  It was expensive, but I needed a way to keep 2 lives in order. I needed peace of mind.

They had pretty covers and a green fake leather zipper cover I just loved.

Opened - it is really very wide.

But after using it for a few months I discovered its short comings based on my personal needs.

• It was too big. Carrying this planner with me was a no-go.
• The day spaces in the month calendar were small - too small for my handwriting.   
• The planner boasted of mucho space to write other info - like menus, books lists, future shopping trips, habit tracking, planning ideas, cleaning cycles, on and on and on. This was much more than I needed. But you can see I did give it a good try.
• It took up too much time to write everything and decorate each month.

If you look at this planner as a hobby or maybe a type of diary, then it is for you.  I needed a tool - not hobby. 

Time to look again.

August 2024 to December 2024

I did an Amazon and Google search in mid 2024.  I found the 2024-2025 17 month planner by Rifle Paper Company.

I loved the cover

It was more minimalist. It did have weekly pages and goal setting pages that were totally worthless to me.  I bought this when I shouldn’t have done so.  The logic was wrong for me.  All the monthly pages were in the front and all the weekly pages were in the back.  I did, however, love the pretty face/cover it had.

This is a sample of the weekly pages located at the back of the planner.  
I got tired of flipping from the front to the back - and the back to the
front.  

If I was going to use the weekly spaces (which I wasn’t) they should follow its month calendar, not stacked at the back of the planner.  It was a crazy organization. I was shopping once again.

January 2025 to June 2025 

At the end of 2024, Laural Denise came out with a new smaller version - the weekly Portrait Edition. It was a simplified version of the larger planner I abandoned.  I really did like the Laural Denise line so in desperation I order this new portrait version.  It was slimmed down. No flood of extra stuff I didn’t want. It still made the effort to show a full month at a time, with weekly flip pages along the bottom for whatever lists you wanted.  This was the one.  I was sure of it.

Laural Denise had some very pretty covers.

I really thought this design was the one!  It wasn’t.

I used the weekly flip pages at the bottom for my “To Do” lists.  I assigned to dos to each day. But by the time I started using this planner, my knee pain was interfering with much of my life.  Getting things done on specific days didn’t happen.  I was always moving to-dos.  I lost patience once again with the Laurel Denise design.

The search began again.  I was pretty tired of it all.

July 2025 to present

By now I wasn’t going to be sucked in by a pretty face cover. What I needed was:

• Monthly pages only with large day blocks.  Lines in the blocks would be nice. 
• A small space for habit tracking.
• A blank page or two between months.
• An 18 month calendar so I could start in July 2025
• Hard cover and sewn in spine that lies flat when open would be a plus

Back to Amazon I went. *sigh*

Here is what found. The brand is Poprun on Amazon.  They have a many choices in calendar design and colors.  I had never heard of them before, but they had what I wanted.  They were the most inexpensive choice of all the choices above.

This is the cover.  Despite the 2026 label - it is an 18 month calendar. I
 chose the color.

A monthly page.  Good size blocks with interior lines. On the left a “notes” column that I made into a check list for me habits.

It had these 2 blank pages between the months.  Perfect for me.  I found some “To Do”
lists on Amazon that I might use, but I am guessing I will default to 3x5 cards at some
point.

Looking at this latest choice, it occurs to me that this planner is just a larger size of the first red covered planner that worked for me for years.  *sigh*. 

All the doctors' visits and testing has settled down from every 3 months to once a year in most cases. I have completed all the tests from all the ‘ologies, and I am coming in mostly normal or cured - except for this stupid right knee.

And now I can’t help wondering if my old red leather friend who I loved and kept, ... (wait for it) ... might be able to keep up with my current life once again!  

😍😍

By the way, I still have reflux!!  

😆

A blog born out of struggle and love!

Have you ever looked back at your first posts in your blog? 

Maybe discover why you started a blog?  

Possibility remembered things you forgot? 

I did.  It was interesting.

Start Date: July 20, 2010 - 15 years ago. 

 
Blog Title:  How did I come up with a 20 year title?  I suspect in my brain I thought 20 years was a time far, far in the future! hmm ... In 5 years I will have reached that mysterious 20 years.  Not so far in the future at all!!  Then what!

Retired in 2007:  Wow, in 2027 I will be retired 20 years! I need to send that financial guy a thank you note.  He made it possible to have such a long retirement.

My writing style hasn’t changed in 15 years.   Is that good or bad?

My focus: 20 goals - 20 of them!  Good Grief! Who has time for 20!!  Youth and energy were still mine in my late 50s. I also didn’t finish that list.  Ran out of steam I think.   Now I have 1 goal.  Take a 30 minute walk outside safely without a walker or cane (notice I didn’t say things like ... without pain, or without getting winded, or without having a heart attack). 

 I was not truthful back then why I started a blog and I remember very clearly why I started it.  And it wasn’t for goal tracking or a diary or to run off at the mouth (which I do a lot 😀 in case you haven’t noticed ) ...  No - it took me 1 year of writing about every little unimportant  thing until I cracked.  You see, unconsciously, I created the blog as a secret pressure valve to release relieve the stress that was building in my pressure cooker life. 

My mom and her dementia! 

On August 15, 2011 - it all began to spill out of me!  My first blog post on her called Through My Care Giver Eyes appeared. You can find that post here.   I continued to create a series of these posts from 2011 until her death in December 2014.  

At the start I turned off the comments on these specific posts.  I needed to document this experience somewhere and I wasn’t looking for feedback.  My readers, however, weren’t deterred.  They by passed the blog and sent comments to my email address.  And they were so supportive and caring.  They encouraged me to allow comments.  So I did! It was the best advice I ever received. 

The pressure valve was working. 

Now as an elder person myself, it is not the struggles and pain I see in these posts (although it is definitely there), but the golden opportunity I had to spend quality time with my mom at the end of her life.  I don’t regret one single second of it.  I shed some tears reading some of these posts.  It is true what they say - grief doesn’t leave us after the death of a loved one - no matter how many years pass.  We just learn to live with it.

Mom in Assisted Living with the Easter Bunny!!

I am glad to have the opportunity to remember her through my writings and pictures. Now as I walk (slowly, very slowly walk) in her shoes, I wish I could have just 15 minutes with her now - to apologize for my mistakes during our time together (and believe me, there were quite a few), and to thank her for all the years of my growing up when she juggled life with her alcoholic husband and raising 2 daughters.  She knew I loved her, but I am not sure she knew how grateful I was in making sure my sister and I turned out as normal productive adults.  My dad with his addiction really did not have a hand in that - it was all mom!

The pictures below are from a very happy time.  The wedding of my son.  I am so so happy mom was alive and mobile enough to participate.  

Mom arriving for her grandson’s wedding.

My son, Matt, my mother and daughter-in-law, Maureen.

Mom with all 4 of her grandchildren - Robin, Jessica (my sister’s daughters) and Kristin, Matthew (my kids)

My sister and I with mom.

Mom at my son’s wedding.

My mom - happier times.