Connections and Mojo

The restraints are off!!  

No Goals or No Resolutions or No Guidelines or No Anything

 that speaks of a yearly intention.

  BUT 

I have plowed ahead regardless - one connected link at a time in "making space"

  just like I always seem to do every single January.

And yes,

all the actions were curiously linked.

It started with a walk-in closet.  This closet holds 'stuff' - paint, rags, wrapping paper, Christmas decorations, cleaning supplies, tools ... it is a catch-all closet.  When the door is closed - it is OK.  When the door is open - it is not.  When I decorated for Christmas I had to practically empty the closet to get to the right boxes.  Same struggle when I needed wrapping paper.  Ugly!  God forbid I should need a hammer or a nail.  When Christmas stuff returned to storage - I did a big clean out.  Now I can walk into the closet.  Fancy that!  I can actually walk into a walk-in closet!!

The closet clean-out produced two bags of donations.  My first thought - two bags - not enough to make the trip to Good Will, so I easily created a few more bags from my "guest/yarn/book/hobby room."

BUT ... while tootling around in the "guest/yarn/book/hobby room" for donations ... I remembered a problem that needed my attention.  My knitting notions and needles were in total disarray after 9 months of marathon Christmas knitting.  The disarray was so bad I was forced to buy several circular knitting needles in sizes that I already owned but could not find.  *sigh*  Now I have an organized knitting notions bag - an actual tote size bag.  (Yes, I have a knitting notions problem.)   And finally, all the knitting needles are back in their 'homes' ready for the next project.

And speaking of the 'next project,' after wandering around in my knitting supplies, I pulled out all the knitting projects that I set aside to get Christmas projects completed.  Yep!  I did a little line up of things that needed finishing.

Finally I was done.  'Stop looking at stuff' I cautioned myself.  It never ends.  Best to do something that really need doing ... like bill paying.

Ha!  I am so naive.

I set myself to working on bills.  Of course, my wandering eyes drifted towards the 5 inches of filing that I put off for months.  At the same time,  I remembered that I needed to find a specific proof of warrantee that my previous searches didn't turn up.   Filing followed bill paying.  And a search for a specific paper followed filing.

Filing done!  Warrantee info found.

Since I am not a fan of filing, I decided to distract myself with a cup of hot tea. (Seriously, a cup of tea ... where could that lead, right?)

See, I am a coffee drinker, but for some reason I have boxes and boxes of different kinds of tea.  And much of it never gets consumed because most teas upset my reflux.  (Bet you know where this is going ... ). So with a ton of tea taking up space - most of which I cannot drink - I decided to thin it out.  I made several cups of tea to taste, and I pitched near 100 tea bags in the trash.  I still have a life time supply of tea, but it felt good to get rid of the stuff I couldn't swallow.

NOW I am done!!

(Does anyone believe that?)

My knitting activities will probably lead to a much needed reduction in knitting patterns and books.  My tea tasting adventures will definitely lead to a much needed clean out of my messy pantry.  Who knows where this 'clean out fever' will connect to next.

January always seems to trigger this fever in me.  List or no list - ironically downsizing and cleaning out usually makes an appearance in my New Year.   This year it popped up spontaneously without a set of New Year goals.  It felt wonderful to just do what was in front of me rather than what was on goals list.   All that was needed was the mojo to do it!

But here is the really satisfying thing. 

If the mojo goes away - oh well.  

I got a lot done while it was here.  

It will return.  

It always does! 

Meanwhile 

 "Clean Out January" - a very satisfying thing to do!!

  A lovely way to begin the New Year!

The Vacuum and The Nasal Spray

You can always count on me to address most pertinent issues of the day!  
Last month it was refrigerators.  
This month it is vacuums.
😁

I am not a vacuum snob.

Really, I am not.

Well, maybe I was a vacuum snob at one time.

But I am not now.

Ok, maybe I was a vacuum snob a few many times in my life
over several years ... like maybe 30 years.

But no more.
Nope!
I have evolved!! 

Kirby Vacuum - 1980s
Photo credit:  Ebay

It started with the Kirby Vacuum.  The Kirby was a monster machine.  Big, heavy and strong.  Heavy because the shell and interior parts were made of steel, strong because it could to suck the life out of your carpet and big against other vacuums on the market at the time.  A vacuum on serious steroids.  It also increased your muscle tone, because it was a bloody effort to use ...  suction so great (no adjustments) that it gripped the rug in a kind of tug-of-war.  AND it was very expensive - something like $700 or more back in the 80's (expensive by today's standards, very expensive by 1980s standards.)  It was sold by a door-to-door sales man.  That is how I got mine - except he didn't knock on my door - he sold my friend one, and she shared her enthusiasm with me, and I chased him down so I could write that guy a check too!  *sigh*  Yes, I did that.  Hunted down a door-to-door salesman to pay him money!!  And then I told my sister about it, and he made yet another sale!  The things we remember from our past! I wish I could remember other things like curing cancer or making world peace.

BUT, with the purchase of the Kirby, a vacuum SNOB born.  After all, I had a muscle machine now and I would never need to buy another vacuum again - never (per the salesman).  My house would be cleaner than my neighbors, as well.   Woo Hoo!!  (Today I would have asked if the Kirby also cleaned toilets and washed windows.  I would inquire ... if I never turned on the steroid vacuum would my house still be cleaner - because actually using a vacuum ... turning it on ...  has always been my real problem.)

That Kirby lasted a long time, maybe 10 years - even had it repaired once, but in the end it began to fail and nothing could save it - so I was once again in the market for a vacuum cleaner.  

By then I wanted a less expensive unit.  I think a bagless Hoover followed the Kirby.  Bagless vacuums were all the rage then (maybe the 90s??).  I had to have one.  Good for the environment, cheaper because there were no bags to buy, etc. etc. etc.  New technology, you know!  Except that since this was new technology - it was not really very good.  A few sweeps of the rug and the unit lost suction.  I lost interest fast.

Then the next Hoover used bags - and I bought bags for several years.  Hoover was an ok brand, but I really felt like I needed a muscle machine again to clean 3 levels of a carpeted townhouse that had 2 adults, 2 kids, 4 cats and rotational move-in and out family members.

Enter the Dyson!  By the end of the 90s Dyson had mastered the bagless technology and was beginning to take on more market share.  I had to have one.  I was dedicated to that brand for about 15 years.  Dyson makes a fabulous piece of equipment.  I have previously owned 2 upright Dysons, a canister Dyson and a stick Dyson.  They are very pricy, but they perform as advertised - they never lose suction.  But 'never' doesn't actually mean never as I discovered with the Kirby.

That brings me to the present.

For a few months I suspected that my current Dyson, a canister unit, was not picking up as well.  I blamed the condo carpet as difficult to clean.  After all, I had just spent over $2,000 for yet another new refrigerator so I wasn't eager to buy anything else.  But last week I got pretty frustrated - so I searched on Amazon - reviewed the comments and prices - and purchased an upright Shark.  It was less expensive than Dyson.  The living space I have to clean is less, so a 'muscle' machine just isn't needed.

The head on this Shark isn't very wide.
 The plus is it fits in almost all my tight spaces!!

The Shark was delivered.  I put it together, and it was a snap.  Literally a 'snap'.  No screwdrivers needed.  It all snapped together.  That was a first for me.

And then I turned it on.  (We are getting to the nasal spray part of the story, I promise.)

I started in my guest room.  The Shark worked like a dream.  Easy to push and pull, rotates easily, adjustable, quieter than the Dyson.  I was halfway through cleaning the first room and I glanced at the collection container!  It was FULL.  To the top!!  Are you kidding me, I thought.  I just vacuumed few days ago.  I emptied it, and moved on.  By the time I finished the 1,375 square foot condo, I counted 8 full containers of mostly cat hair.  Gray cat hair.   Gray cat hair on a gray rug that apparently the Dyson did not pick up.  Yikes.

I guess I should be grateful that my cat's hair matches the color of my rug - it never looked THAT dirty.  Sooo .... the Dyson wasn't working well for some time.

I am not a clean freak.  The Dyson was doing a good job at 'fake' cleaning (to use current cultural terminology.). And animal hair has been part of my life for so long - I consider it as normal as dust.  BUT apparently it was affecting more than just looks.  At my husband's last doctor's visit he mentioned that he has been sneezing a lot over the last 6 months.  The doctor suggested using a nasal spray for allergies!

Nasal Spray??  

Heck!!

What we needed was a new vacuum!!

The Oven Conveys with the House.

Today I cleaned the oven.

Ok, ok, I have a self-cleaning oven, and it cleaned it self ... but when you clean your oven only every 4 or 5 years, it is a big frick'en deal.  So I take credit for hitting the self clean button and thinking, "Oh good, it still works."

It was a lovely day today, so I had all the windows open.  Why is that important?  You will understand shortly.

I am getting ready to sell this house and the oven conveys with the sale of the house, so it was time to clean the oven.  I mean, after all, when I start looking at other properties to buy I will certainly open the oven to see if it is clean!  :-)   You would do that right?? So my oven needed to be clean in case someone like me looks!

But I am so much better at this than I used to be.

Several years ago - well, maybe more than several years - like maybe 25 years ago, I remember deciding to clean my dirty oven.  It was a self-cleaning model then too.   The oven was very dirty.  Not just stained with cooked on stuff on the sides, but bunches of clumps of crusty whatever clustered on the bottom of the oven.  Yes, that bad. Time to do the deed.  I locked the oven door and hit the self clean button.  I smugly enjoyed the ease of this 20th century feature while my oven started its clean cycle.  I remember thinking that I was a modern 20th century wife and mother.  I didn't need to do this distasteful task myself.  With the flick of a finger, I was cleaning my oven.

Oh, did I mention it was January?  Did I mention is was about 35 degrees outside?  Well, it was. That's important to know.

Anyway, now the oven was cleaning.

Then the oven began to smoke.  Smoke started to creep out of the stove vents.  Not a lot but enough to be alarming.  The smoke detector sensed the smoke and it began to chirp ... ok, scream.  Yikes!  I tried to turn the oven off.  The oven ignored my efforts.   It was locked in its clean cycle, the heat was at hellish levels, and it was doing what I was asked it to do.  No stopping it now.  Crap!

I tried to turn the smoke detector off and realized I didn't know how to turn it off.  Great!  My eyes began to burn a bit, and although the smoke level was minimal ... (how do you judge "minimal" smoke in your house?) ... the smell was getting intense.  I started to cough.  I decided to turn off the house heat and open all the windows.  I had young children in the house, after all.  We needed to breath!!

Oh, and did I mention it was January and it was 35 degrees outside?  Well, it was.

So then the house began to get cold (but the air quality got better ... I am a "glass is half full kind of person.")  But we were getting really cold.  So we all put on our coats and sat at the kitchen table huddled together waiting for the oven to do its thing.  For 3 hours!!

Oh, and I also stepped down off my 20th Century modern woman pedestal long enough to figured out how to stop the blaring smoke alarm.

It was not my finest hour.

So this week (mid April) when I pushed the self cleaning button of my oven, the day was beautiful,  the temp was about 65 degrees, my windows were open AND I cleaned out the crust at the bottom of my oven in advance (Very.Very.Important)

We still had some odor.  My husband complained about the smell in the house and I cautioned him that things could be worse ... it could be 30 degrees outside, the smoke alarm could be screaming and he would need to wear his coat.

He had NO IDEA what I was talking about.  See 25 years ago he was at work when I last covered myself in glory with my skillful oven cleaning efforts.  I am so much improved now! :-)

Don't go looking for the 'before' picture.  There isn't one.
I have no intention of leaving proof behind of my house keeping  short comings.
:-)

Anyway, the oven is now sparkling clean.  

Now we can move.

Lesson Learned #5 - Attachments

  I've spent many precious life hours over the last 10 years moving stuff out of my house.  

In the last year, the highway of departing clutter has become an absolute speedway.  

Here is a lesson I have learned in the process.

Lesson Learned #5

Lastly
Attachments to stuff - does it love you back?

I get attached to things.

I attach to people and animals as well, but I have a history of loving things ... attaching to them like they have feelings.  Once you start attaching to things, there is a slippery slope you must manage.

Here is my slippery slope.

Like most people,  I save bits and pieces of things that hold memories for me.  Children's art work, old school papers, a first communion veil, the small worry-stone my son gave me on entering the military, a beautiful greeting card from my daughter with cherished sentiments - just to name a few.  I am fairly successful at managing stuff in this category.  For example, I finally discarded my 56 year old girl scout sash with achievement badges last week.  I wasn't a scout for long, and it wasn't a special time. To this day, "camping" or roughing it for me is staying at a Days Inn.  :-)  The sash went out the door las week.  The stuff I own in this category is down to a reasonable quantity.

Managing attachments in other areas of my life result in limited success.

I give cars names.  My last car was a Maxima.  Her name was Maxie.  I was in tears when I traded her in.  Maxie and I were buds for 10 years.  We got through a lot of bad weather together, but her high-heeled attitude made her designed for speed.   She had a passion for it (notice I didn't say I had a passion for speed - just Maxie!)  At her 10th birthday when she started to burn oil, our trusted mechanic of 35 years could not find the problem.  A fix would have been hard and very expensive. My new car is a Subaru. It (not she, not he) handles the road great in all weather.  It is reliable.  It is transportation.  It does not have a name.  I learned my lesson with Maxie.  And more importantly, I believe the Subaru doesn't care one little bit.  :-)

I have a tough time I throwing away pictures.  I am sad when I see old family albums abandoned in thrift or antique shops.  I have many old family albums myself and boxes of pictures, many are duplicates. I also have old family documents - birth and death certificates, military papers, baptismal documents, certificates of achievement, an old driver's license from the 1930s. Not sure what I will do with all of that - right now they are all in one closet.  But these images are staring at me from the end of the long de-cluttering road.  They know I have a soft spot for family history.  They are keeping their collective fingers crossed that they will make the next de-clutter cut in a few weeks.  We shall see.

The attachment to my townhouse is strong.  Although I yearn for a smaller place - one with less steps, less extra costs, less upkeep, this home holds all my memories of the last 30 years.  I have lived here longer than anywhere else.  I raised children here.  My mother-in-law died of cancer in my living room.  I remember my son stepping out my front door to enter the military and coming in that same door when he returned.  My daughter recovered here from one of life's black clouds.  My husband stood in the kitchen and told me he would one day go blind.  The house has seen parties for birthdays, anniversaries, weddings.  My mother lived here for 5 years and I watched her decline here. I cried at my kitchen sink the day I knew she would need to move to assisted living.  There were joy filled Christmases - and a few sad ones too, like last Christmas when mom died.   This house is tattooed with my life.  I can't imagine letting another family put their marks on it.  And yet ...

How do you avoid attachments to an inanimate building when it feels like more than that?  I will continue to live in and nurture this house for now - and deal with the fall out that will inevitably come later.

The topic of minimalism is cluttered with the principles of letting go and living small.    But minimalism discussions sometimes miss the point that stuff can make your life "more."  Yes, less is more, but sometimes things are also more.

I think the trick is to pick and choose carefully!  And if you pick and choose everything, then that is when problems start.

Keep only what you love ... and what loves you back.

I believe my house loves me back!  

Lesson Learned #4 - Stress and Stuff

  I've spent many precious life hours over the last 10 years moving stuff out of my house.  

In the last year, the highway of departing clutter has become an absolute speedway.  

Here is a lesson I have learned in the process.

Lesson Learned #4

Less stuff equals less stress ... at least for me.

For myself, I truly believe less stuff equals less stress.

But this may not be true for everyone.   I know folks who take comfort in being surrounded by all their many belongings.  In fact it is said that very creative people are usually surrounded by lots of disorganization, and they seem to function just fine.  I worked for a woman who hired me specifically because I was an organization greek.  She wanted me to organize her.  I discovered that although her office was crazy with clutter, she could easily put her hand on any item I could name.  Once she realized that her methods worked fine for her ... and my methods worked fine for me ... we got along famously!! Accepting each others differences made us a great team.

But an over abundance of stuff can have a very different outcome.

At the far end of the "stuff" spectrum is a popular show called The Hoarders.  It always made me a little sad to see these folks who allowed things to overtake their lives so completely.  Their stuff did not make them happy.  They were miserable.  I stopped watching when the show spilled into examples of animal hoarding layered on top of stuff hoarding.  Animals who had died in the house and the owners did not know because the stuff was so mountainous.  Cats who had litters of sick or dead kittens and the owners had no clue.  Sad was one thing.  Disturbing was something else.   I stopped watching.

I have never been near the level of clutter as the TV Hoarders.  But this week I was face-to-face with my own personally created clutter monster who was hiding in my yarn room.

For newer readers, a little bulleted background on me can demonstrate the problem.

• I am a knitter.
• I am a rigid heddle weaver.
• I am a sometimes fiber spinner.
• Crafters like me usually have stashes of craft related stuff.  
• I have a massive large medium small-ish to medium (???)  hoard stash collection selection of knitting yarns, weaving yarns, fiber for making yarns, books, knitting needles, binders of individual patterns, kits (knitting and weaving), many looms, many spinning spindles, and a full size spinning wheel.  (OK, "massive hoard" fits - just don't tell my husband.)
• My hobby once was housed in a small basement closet.  Then it was moved to a small room with closet (we call the den.)  Now it is contained in a moderate size bedroom (we now call "the yarn room") with 2 closets that once belonged to my mom.  I sort of maybe have my eye on largest room - our master bedroom.  I wonder if my husband would notice ... oh forget I said anything.
• I consider my yarn room to be a luxury and a joy.
• I LOVE LOVE LOVE my hobby.  

I think that sets the stage for you.

In preparation for painting the yarn room I had to MOVE . ALL . THE . LOVED . STUFF out of the closets and into the center of the floor so the closets could be painted. It took me a whole day.  It filled the center of the room and was stack about 4-5 feet high.  After I finished, I stood back and surveyed the stash.  It did not fill me with joy.  I was agitated.  I was discourage.  How could I allowed something I cherished to fall into the "too much stuff" category.

I have already started the process of thinning the stash.  There are no ugly items in the room.  But the stash does fall into two categories:  like and love.  The likes are finding their way to new homes where they will be loved.  And I am happy to make space for my loved items.

And what is true for my yarn room has been true for the rest of my house.  Space is good.  Less is good.

Less stuff is less stress - even if it is yarn.

Lesson Learned #1 - Good Stuff Bad Stuff

  I've spent many precious life hours over the last 10 years moving stuff out of my house.  

In the last year, the highway of departing clutter has become an absolute speedway.  

Here is a lesson I have learned in the process.

Lesson Learned #1

Not all stuff is bad stuff!

While reading about minimal life styles and the joys of "less is more," you can get swept up by the hype.  Some self identified simplification gurus put a high premium on getting your possessions down to the bare minimum ... being able to contain all your belongings is your car ... or the joys of brushing your teeth with soap ... or having empty surfaces and shelves throughout your living space.

I have a much more middle-of-the-road picture of minimalism..

I have had a decent life where disposable income was the norm.  My husband and I had a broad range of interests and hobbies.  We enjoyed collecting stuff around those pursuits.  In some regards, we still do.

But over time we packed away many of our passions.  Sometimes we no longer enjoyed the ownership of an item, but it wasn't junk so we just boxed it up and forgot about it.  Usually we didn't have space to display everything that 45 years of marriage could produce.  Or our tastes changed and our interests evolved.  On we moved to the next endeavor.  Do you recognize yourself anywhere in that description?

One remarkable side benefit of diving deep into your stored belongings is a discovery of a long forgotten treasure that you forgot you owned.

This chess set is one such item.

My husband collected chess sets.  We must have 15 of them.  This was not a cheap hobby.  Most of the sets we purchased were several hundred dollars.  But over time we packed them away.

This beautiful hand carved and painted Camelot Chess set was created by a wood carver called Whittle Works.  Holy Cow!  These figures haven't seen the light of day in probably 15 years.

Gosh!  I still love these!!  Why the heck aren't they out where I can enjoy them? Well, they are now out.  I will tell you why they weren't out.  The set was "out of sight out of mind" in a box buried deeply behind a bunch of bad stuff I didn't care one twit about and now does not live here anymore.

Some minimalist minded folks would question keeping this chess set.  They would ask:

• Have you touched this item in the last year?  No.  Not touched or seen in the last 15 years.
• Do you enjoy playing chess?  No.  I am an embarrassingly bad player.
• Will you play chess with it in the future?  No.  Not my game.  I prefer Checkers.
• Do you find beauty or get enjoyment out of this set?  Yes!  End of Story.

So, there you go.  

The chess set stays.  

The bad stuff goes.

Beach Trip

I know I am behind in reporting on this fun trip ... but better late than never.

In November I made time for a weekend trip to Ocean City, Maryland with family and friends. This is one of many trips to the edge of the North American continent (the beach by any other name) - thankfully I live only about 3 hours from the ocean.

Camera shutter in the way!  

This visit was interesting because several weeks prior, Hurricane Sandy had made a visit to Ocean City.  The area really had missed a major bullet because when you hear about the New Jersey shore communities, you know that beach erosion was a minor issue.

And yet, it was a remarkable visit.

Here is a picture of my sister and I standing in front of a beach dune that was worn away by hurricane ocean waves.  Pretty impressive, but at least the dunes did what they were suppose to do ... protect the properties behind them.

Our visit was great fun ... weaving, knitting, crocheting, pajamas (which we pretty much lived in), wine, crab cakes, walks along the shore, walks along Ocean Highway ... really, it was all perfect!

Sizing Down

Yesterday I stabbed the Evil Clutter Fairy to death.  I have done this many times in the past.  I guess fairies are immortal.  The Clutter Fairy most certainly is.

I get the feeling to reduce my stuff probably once a year.  The "stuff" around me becomes too much.  It seems to close in and make my living space smaller and smaller.  And then the "need" hits and I start the down sizing cycle again. Sometimes my efforts center on one room - like the kitchen.  Not this day.

My one extravagance in life is my yarn and fiber crafts.  Tools, yarn, fiber, equipment, patterns, books ...  it has taken over one whole room so you know it is serious.  I like this room to look organized.  I live with the impression (not the reality) that I can find what I need in that room because I just reorganized it this spring. The room is small, only 8'x10', so if I need something, it most certainly can be found.

Yesterday that impression was tested.  I tried to find a knitting pattern.  One pattern.  It was probably 5 sheets of paper clipped together.  No luck.  Ridiculous!  I was just using it.  It is right in this one little space - a small book case - in this small room.  No luck.

This book case has about 40 books and five binders - filled with patterns I have clipped over the years - all categorized for ease of use.  But still. No pattern. On top of this book case was a stack about 18 inches high of patterns I had yet to file away.  Eighteen inches is a lot of patterns.  I looked through the stack.  No pattern.

Then the thought hit.  Even if I lived another 25 years, I wouldn't knit all the patterns in that stack or in the binders.  Time to thin this space out.

I went through every single pattern.  My God!  What ever was I thinking.  Some of those patterns were butt ugly.  Some patterns would look good if I was a size 2. (Not!)  Really ... that pattern has no shape.  Holy Moly!  I would go crazy with boredom knitting that pattern!   And so it went.

Four hours and a huge bag of paper recycling later, the patterns were thinned out and all were filed.  And the one pattern that I wanted still wasn't found.

I guess it truly wasn't there.

You know, I feel so much better.

But I can feel the Evil Clutter Fairy rising from the dead again!

Looking around!  Yep, time to clean out another spot!

"Resorting" to launch 2012

Resorting ...

that is what my life seems to be about now.

A lot of time has been spent resorting

... like space ...

our upstairs den is a good example. It used to be mom's sitting room, but now it is my craft room.

The desk in this picture is mom's desk. We tried to get it into her assisted living room, but it wouldn't fit. So it now resides in my craft room. I use it to file mom's important papers and to do her minimal bill paying and bookkeeping.

There are no before pictures, but here are some after pictures.

This closet shows only half of the space my yarn stash occupies. Slide the door to the left and the other half is just as full - floor to ceiling. I was feeling pretty good about squeezing all the yarn into this closet ... very good, until I found another pocket of sock yarn stash that isn't in this closet. It looks like this ...

Yes, that is all sock yarn! Enough yarn to make 80+ pairs of socks!!

Where that bunch of yarn is going, I haven't figured out yet, but the closet is full up!!

Right now it is sitting on the floor of the craft room

making me feel guilty for having so much stash.

All my knitting, crochet, spinning and weaving books are gathered together in this new craft space. That feels pretty good. Easy to see and use.

On top of that book case is my weaving loom all folded up. Once the dust settles on all this stuff shifting, I want to set up the loom again. Beside the loom is a stack of magazines and patterns that need to be sorted and filed.

My filing system is loose leaf binders sorted by project type.

There is probably a bunch of stuff in there I could get rid of

given the time to sort through it all.

And my spinning wheel is now housed safely on a round table near the yarn and the fiber.

It is dusty and I need to give it a little loving attention. But it is nice to see it out where I could easily use it without interference from the various pets.

This picture also shows the other side of the overly full yarn closet.

And I still maintain mom's bedroom - the room that now houses most of her earthly belongings. It is ready for guests - since mom probably can never sleep there again. It still makes me a little sad when I walk in knowing that she doesn't reside there anymore. But she has adapted fairly well to her new room and home, so the "problem" of occupancy appears to be mine alone. It will fade with time I know.

But I fear the hole left in my life and heart, while smaller, will always be there.

I am spending a lot of time moving other stuff around as well.

Although I am not a hobby cook, I do cook every day.

My cookbooks have never had an adequate home.

Initially they were in a book case in the living room, then in a book case in the basement (a worse location), and then stacked in a kitchen cabinet ... closer to the action, but hard to see and harder to use. Our eat in kitchen no longer needs space for a walker,

so I brought up an old book case from the basement.

And for someone who doesn't care much about cooking, I have a lot of cookbooks.

I am "resorting" my alone time. I have really missed my walks. It is alone time and thinking time. So for the umpteenth time, I am heading back to walking. My little walking icon at the top of my blog doesn't show the 1.4 miles I walked today! I guess I am not working the app right. Or maybe the little person on the graph is bent over in laughter at the 1.4 miles I logged and can't catch her breath to show the total ... after all the goal is 1,000 miles by December 31, 2012. I only need to do 998.6 more miles! Only!! :-)

Other alone time is also changing. I used to value the hours between 8:00 pm and midnight. My mother and husband would have gone to their rooms for the night and I would putter around doing this and that. Now I find my body slowing down and settling into the quiet before sleep - around 10:00 pm. That evening time doesn't seem as precious as it once did.

Maybe I am focused on "just keeping busy" so my mind doesn't settle on stuff I can't control. Maybe I am finally free enough to do some long over due stuff.

Maybe I am resorting my empty nest to change the look and feel and push away emotions.

All I know is that at the end of the day I am very tired from all the "resorting."

Welcome to the new year everyone.

Welcome 2012!

New Empty Nester Fills Her Day

So it occurred to me a few days ago that I finally reached the status of an "empty nester."

Although my "children" left home many years ago, I always seemed to have others residing with me ... either returning children for short periods or another relative. And I have always welcomed those new residents. But now my kids are independent and other possible residents have thinned out. It is just my husband and I.

I guess my husband and I will get a chance to see if we can still make it together! :-) Actually the stresses of the last year have tested this 42 year old marriage in ways I never imagined ... and we are still together. I doubt our lives now will result in anything different. A comfort!

Of course, mom is still very much a part of my day. I see her almost daily for about 2 hours. Some visits are difficult with moodiness and anger - emotions unusual for her. Some visits, like today, are pretty good. She seemed happy to see me, we had a chance to visit privately, and we joined other residents for a game later in the morning. She will be riding out to see Christmas Lights with others from Brooke Grove this evening. She probably is looking forward to that.

I am busy sorting through the "caves of possessions" in my home for both mom and myself in an effort to clean out and thin out "stuff". Mom has boxes in her closets that she never unpacked 5 years ago. The time is right to go through the boxes - get rid of stuff she can't use and probably doesn't remember - and bring items to her that she might enjoy. My own possessions continue to "reproduce" at an alarming rate. Sorting through our stuff has been an ongoing activity this year (especially when I was upset - which was often), and shedding stuff will continue. The Den in my basement is so full, it should be considered unsafe. Now mostly what is down there is yarn and fiber - so a falling injury is unlikely, but a smothering event is possible. :-)

And yesterday I got a piece of mail I have been expecting. My Medicare Card from the Department of Health and Human Services. Isn't it wonderful that the Federal Government thought to remind me of my advancing age!!! Oh well, 2012 is the year when I turn 65. I guess it is time.

I am behind on Christmas stuff, but in my new mode of simplifying and stepping out from under the weight of traditions, I am not stressed by the impending holiday. For Christmas this year, we will take mom out for lunch on Christmas Eve. Our "big", but small dinner on Christmas Eve will be our family celebration with gift giving after dinner. Maybe my kids will plan to spend the night like last year. That was great fun. Of course, my son and his fiancee must balance the needs of 2 families now. Christmas morning I will return to take mom to mass. Christmas Day dinner will be left overs. I think this Christmas will work out just fine.

And for a change, I am looking at things that I can add back into my life instead of what I did this year - dropping things. Knitting and blogging have returned. I think about my loom with a newly started project on it from last May. Weaving has passed my mind frequently. I am thinking about walking again and maybe returning to Tai Chi in the spring. And when I get up in the morning I am so very stiff. It reminds me that Yoga was a part of my life at one time and it made a huge difference in how I felt. Yes, I can see a number of things in my future. In fact, it amazes me how many things I stopped in 2011.

My personal sadness is lifting a bit as I see mom beginning to adjust to her new home. Today the nursing assistant said that mom is a very pleasant and a happy person. So despite the occasional sad face she shows me, I know she is putting down roots.

My empty nest is fairly quiet now, but my brain is buzzing with possibilities.

Meet the Upstairs and Downstairs Help

Townhouse living comes with stairs! Lots and lots of stairs!

I have 2 full flights of stairs that connect the 3 townhouse levels, and 4 steps from the front door to the first floor. That does not include the outside steps from the parking lot to the front door - of which there are 16. Yes, we have taken our fair share of steps over the last 25 years in this townhouse. I have the leg muscles to prove it.

But steps are not the topic of this post.

I am the proud owner of an upstairs vacuum cleaner and a downstairs vacuum cleaner. And not just any vacuums ... two Dyson vacuums!! (Now you know why I called this post the Upstairs and Downstairs help. Who would open a posting that said Vacuums!)

Disclaimer:

This is not an ad for Dyson products.

I am not being compensated for saying these things.

But I am thrilled with the product line and now that I have a new second one,

I am enthused all over again.

So just humor me!

My first Dyson (we will call her Bertha) is a DC17 Absolute Animal - yep, that is the actual name.

She's a big lady. And she has cleaned faithfully with no upkeep for 5 years. I only recently washed the filter that they said should be washed yearly.

Bertha is a workhorse machine for all 3 levels of this townhouse. With 2 cats and 3 dogs now - Absolute Animal Bertha has been one terrific machine.

Look at those muscles!!

But now that my mom lives here, we put in a stair glide from the first to the second floor.

Bertha and me ... we have made many perilous trips together up and down this narrowed flight of steps, and each time I thought ... there isn't enough room for Bertha and Harold (the Acorn stair glide) and me on this set of stairs.

This is an accident just waiting to happen, and I knew Harold would feel badly if it did!!

So last week I went out to purchase another vacuum, and, of course, is was a Dyson.

This time I got a smaller more lightweight model called DC25 Animal (lets call him Oscar). Oscar has the new Ball technology for easy steering. He is a gem of a machine. Oscar is the upstairs help and Bertha is the downstairs help.

We are all happy!

Thank you for reading.

Sincerely,

Elaine (retired knitter), Bertha, Harold and Oscar

PS - Someday I hope to add to the help by finding someone else to push Bertha and Oscar around.

#11 Personal Peace

We all know people who seem happy and sunny all the time, as well as others who never seem to have a good day and always see the unhappy side of life. Whether these two sides of the coin are the result of habit, or chemistry or genetics is the discussion of many self-help books.

Being happy and peaceful mentally is usually my default state - what my personality eventually settles down to unaided - regardless of the stress trigger. I would like to say that I am fully responsible for my generally happy and positive outlook on life, but I also guess that there may be a genetic "gift" involved in the mix as well.

But life can send you a massive unexpected curve ball or a loss from the most unlikeliest of places, and that happy state of mind is extinguished in the blink of an eye. All of us have experienced this situation to a greater or lessor extent. You struggle to find answers, adjust your thinking and move on. From my perspective, adjusting and moving on has never required much effort - now I find it requires purposeful action. It should probably be on my list of goals.

That is where I am now: adjusting and accepting a new reality, working my way back to a happy, peaceful state, and moving on. And each day I make progress and the moving on gets easier. These activities help.

• Think things through and make positive choices for yourself (sometimes very difficult ones), and then live your life with those choices in mind.
• Time - time is my friend. No matter what the problem is, time and space usually heals.
• Exercise - walking almost always makes the unbearable - bearable. It doesn't "fix" things, but it provides a brief respite when the world seems better than just a short time ago.
• Cleaning - when I am unsettled, I find myself ... (I know you will find this unbelievable) ... I find myself cleaning house. Even aggressively cleaning bathrooms becomes a barometer of my mental state. Right now my bathrooms could be cleaner - guess that is a good sign. :-) De-cluttering becomes a focus - simpler environments always settle my mind. Lately I have been a de-clutter maniac.
• Listening to audio books and pod casts and reading - these mental distractions are effective as well.
• Seek the company of friends. Thankfully I have an abundance of wonderful people in my life.
• Pray.

So what do you do when you are looking for a way to redirect your mind and to cope with stress or a loss?

On a Mission

The last 2 days have been fairly productive in clean out, reorganize and de-clutter arena.

For a non-cook, I had one heck of a lot of cook books. At least half of them haven't been touched for a year. Now they are at Good Will making someone else's life taste better. And in doing that I freed up 2 shelves in the basement den, shelves which now house yarn that was living on the den floor for the last 6 months. That is just a temporary move, of course. I have a closet full of yarn that needs sorting and reduction, knitting books that need thinning and shelves of other random books that need to be moved out. Making my surroundings lighter feels good for my psyche.

Then today I took a hard look at my kitchen. Since I am not a hobby cook (I am more of a cook-to-survive cook), I haven't placed much focus on the tools I use. I had 2 pots that looked dreadful inside - coated pots that chips and scratches in the non-stick surfaces. I try not to think about the fact I probably ate some of those little non-stick pieces. And my silverware was really yucky. We had two very cheap sets that were dented, scratched, worn or bent - and missing various pieces. Then today I noticed that a rubber gasket on my coffee pot was torn and hanging, making for a messy brewing function each morning.

So we took off to the store.

I got a new Kitchen Aid 10 cup coffee pot (my other one was Kitchen Aid and we had it for years - the longest of any coffee pot previously - love that brand!).

Then my husband found a 12 piece pot and pan set of Anolon Advanced Nonstick on deep discount at Bed, Bath and Beyond, and we had a 20% off coupon as well, making it hard to pass up. Minimally I was interested in replacing only 2 pots, but when we found this deal, I was able to get rid of quite a few old pots (2 that were over 40 years old and haven't been used in 15 years). Pictured are 4 of the pieces.

And we purchased a new set of utensils. I went with an old standby, Oneida, in the pattern called Lincoln: a nice simple design with more heft than either of our two older sets. We got place settings for 16 with service pieces. We seldom have 16 guests, but they were packaged in settings for 8. Eight was too few, so we bought 2 packages. The purchases were long overdue - and the time was now.

When the dust settled on the cleaning and replacing this afternoon ... I had created 3 boxes of kitchen stuff for Good Will donation and 3 bags of trash for the county Land Fill. The household spaces where I worked are now less cluttered and more functional. I am still not into cooking, but when I am forced to do so, it will be a pleasure to use my new stuff. And the kitchen surfaces now have a nice uncluttered look.

The downstairs den still has great de-cluttering promise. I also have my eye on my closet, the hall closet, the upstairs pantry, downstairs pantry and the downstairs kitchen equipment storage.

To keep or not to keep - such a question.

Once again I am focused on de-cluttering.

My de-clutter history is limited to infrequent clean outs, sort throughs, pitching, donating re-org days. Whole days. Those days would be preceded by some big emotional event, a bad mood, or a major frustration that would launch me into a whorl wind of activity aimed at lighting my "stuff inventory". Lightening my stuff made me feel lighter and less overwhelmed. My stuff inventory still remains frighteningly high even after years of such frantic episodes. Obviously these clean out episodes haven't come frequently enough.

So I am breaking the "whole day" clean outs, and doing some stuff each day - areas that randomly come to my attention.

In addition, my previous habit of doing a "once thru" on evaluating what stays and what goes and calling it finished seems faulty for me. I did a once-through on books recently - got rid of alot. And when I looked at the "keep" books again a few days later, more popped out asking to be sent to a new home. I believe I get emotionally attached to stuff which clouds my decision making on "to keep or not to keep" and once I thin the crowd of things under review, doing a further review of the same stuff makes tossing stuff easier. And I always feel good making space, thinning the "stuff load" at my house.

Feeling good in getting rid of things is probably just a personal quirk of mine, but how do you handle the act of shedding stuff? How do you decide what to keep and what to toss? Are you a keeper or a tosser by nature? And how does it make you feel once you have lightened your load?

I am off to tackle some other areas that have come to my attention - pockets of belongings that are no longer needed in my life. And while I am doing this physical de-clutter task, I am doing a mental inventory of the same kind - deciding what to keep and what to discard so that I can lighten my load mentally and emotionally as well.

Return from the brink!

Well, I've been gone a bit - but not sitting idle. Not idle at all.

Just as I was beginning to feel like I might not die, and just after having the first full night sleep in 3 days, and just as I was taking off my lucky socks - so I could wash them ... my mom got the same stomach-flu-crud I had. At 84 years of age, this virus was especially cruel to her. Within 4 hours of becoming ill, I had her rushed to the ER by ambulance. She had fainted from the virulent nature of this virus.

She spent 4 days in the hospital and was discharge Friday night. Now - Sunday night - she is still very weak and has no appetite. But she is eating somewhat regularly and today we started getting her to walk around the top floor of our town home. Physical Therapy starts next week.

Mom and I were not the only causalities. My husband started getting sick while mom and I were on our way to the ER. That night I stopped by home to see how he was. He said that he had passed out as well, in the bathroom. He was very lucky to have not hit his head. No one else was here for him.

My dear daughter who stayed an extra day to help out while I was confined to bed, was "rewarded" by getting this virus as well. My sister, brother-in-law, and niece also got very sick.

Since coming home I have been cleaning and cloroxing everything. I know it doesn't really make that much difference, but it makes me feel better to know it is clean. Mom's rooms and bathroom looked like a war zone when we got home on Friday night - we had no time to clean up or pick up once the EMT's arrived on Tuesday morning so the space felt filled with sickness. I spent alot of time cleaning the house, but focused on her spaces - stripping the bedding, steam cleaning the carpet, wiping all the surfaces down, cloroxing her bathroom. I sincerely wish that I could just open my windows for about 2 hours to air the house out. Not happening at 32 degrees outside, but if I was the only person here - I would open the windows and just wear my coat for awhile.

So now it is a race toward Christmas. I have lost a week of preparation. Maybe this is just God's way of slowing me down, pointing out that I don't need to do all the little holiday details to have a happy holiday. I am not being critical, of course, but he could have taken a less dramatic way of getting the message to me. Being pretty hard-headed, maybe a message just short of killing me was required. I would have preferred, however, that he kept this between me and him - rather than dragging my mother into it. :-)

Lots of stuff have fallen off my to-do list this month. At the top of my list is getting mom back on her feet and strong again. That would make my holiday joyful.

PS - wash your hands, wash your hands, wash your hands ...

Espresso day

A view from my walk: A lovely path behind my house. With the winding path, it sort of looks like a greeting card!

Another wonderful day for a walk. It was overcast and cool, with the sun promised to burn off the cloud cover by noon. I walked for about 75 minutes this morning. As I walked the sun began to show itself. And that walk poured tons of energy into me.

Today was also graced by having coffee with one of my knitting friends. We met at Starbucks and the time seemed to pass so quickly I couldn't believe it was almost 2:30 when we parted. It is wonderful to develop a friendship from a common interest and then discover that our lives in many ways have been parallel, and as such, we instantly understood each other's life experiences and difficulties. It was a fun visit and I look forward to another in the future.

After lunch I dropped by a local store to purchase a new shower curtain. My afternoon was to be filled with vacuuming and dusting the upper level and a major cleaning of our master bath. Instead of cleaning our shower curtain, I decided to just pitch it and buy another. Somehow a new shower curtain makes the bathroom seem much cleaner. Actually, I would love to just pitch the whole dirty bathroom - and put in a new clean one, but I am sure I couldn't sell that idea to my husband - a shower curtain is cheap alternative.

By 5:30 pm I had finished my house cleaning for the day (more to-dos tomorrow) - and was able to take a shower in my clean bathroom. I hate cleaning bathrooms, but I love using a clean one.

I felt very energized from my walk this morning, so the rest of the day I just seemed to be brimming with energy. That morning walk is like a double shot of espresso. I remember 2 years ago the same thing happened. If I started the day with a 60-90 minute walk, the rest of the day was extremely productive. If I didn't do that walk early, I needed a nap in the afternoon. It is amazing how responsive my body is to exercise!!

Hope your Monday was just as full!

Soap Box Updated - Housekeeping

I updated the "Soap Box" Tab today for those who follow that page.

The rant for September is Housekeeping. I used the word "hate" so much that I had to get out a Thesaurus to find other words. :-)

Day 3 - Done! and maybe a 5th toilet??

Oh ... So glad I am done with this 3 day insanity.

I usually clean for 2 reasons: company or I am upset! Yes, when upset, I head for the pail and mop and I scrub things. And I vacuum, dust and throw away things ... to excess. Once I cleaned the kitchen in a fit, filling 3 very large trash bags. Defiantly I challenged my husband to name one thing that was missing ... now, you should know that he cares not one twit about the kitchen, probably wouldn't have missed a thing if I had stripped the room bare. And I am not sure, but he may have backed slowly out of the room!!

This time I cleaned because the house was driving me nuts! Thus ... the insanity. And I hope is done for the next 6 months (*sigh* - please don't insert any reality into this conversation - 6 months is what I am aiming for!) Maybe an outhouse in my backyard would help keep my 4 toilets clean. This one looks cozy! Wonder if the park would notice it was missing?

Today's walk was rainy but very lovely. And other than taking a picture of the park's porta-pot (which caused another solitary walker to do a double-take), it was uneventful. It started out drippy and then progressed to a monsoon 10 minutes after I walked out the door. But no matter, I persisted. And I am glad that I did because I made my normal detour through my grocery store (wasn't raining in there), and if I hadn't persisted I would have missed these beautiful sunflowers on display in the store. You just have to look - there is beauty in even a rainy day.

I love walking in the rain. The temperature is usually comfortable, no sun scorching heat - everything looks drenched by water (just like a big drink for everything) and quieter - gentle rain just makes things quieter. When I was in college I remember walking barefoot in the rain - no rain coat, no umbrella, no shoes - just enjoying the clean feeling of everything. Now my old feet need those arch support thingys, and I can't stand worms squeezed between my toes. ugh! I didn't worried about worms when I was in college. Were there worms? Am I really older than dirt? If so, it was before worms, because worms need dirt.

I will know when my son starts reading my blog! He won't be able to help himself. He will comment: "Yes, mom, I have been telling you, you are older than dirt." Thankfully I have the two best "kids" and silly things are always said with love.

It has been a good day. Hope your day was "sunny"!

Day 2 - Two-thirds of the way there!

Another wonderful morning walk. Great time of the day to do it and it really does launch you into the day with more energy. And the picture? Well, I have decided to include some photos that are "A View From My Walk". What surprised me was that - when you go looking for beauty, it is easy to find. And my walk passed too fast. I was sorry it was over after 65 minutes. Today I watched a runner pass me, and I couldn't help but wonder - do runners really "see" the world around them as they run? Or are they focused on how their body is performing, the next mile, the speed of their performance?

I had a little time left at the end of yesterday, so I added 2 Widgets to my blog. One widget is to Walker Tracker, a web site aimed at walkers who use a pedometer. The link shows a brief summary of my step entries and provides a link to the website for more detail. If you are interested in this site, I am esknitter there - and my avatar is a picture of me when I was about 4 years old. The second widget is a Free Traffic Feed. This widget allows you to see the geographic location of the visitors to the blog. Pretty interesting. There is one other widget I am struggling to add - the link to MapMyRun - this is another activity tracking website that my family uses, and we sort of keep track of each other's efforts - not to badger or nag, but to encourage and motivate. I will track the details of my exercise on Walker Tracker and MapMyRun, and post summary info on the blog. Seems silly to track stuff in 3 places and the two sites do a good job.

First floor cleaning of the townhouse almost done - just the powder room to finish. I will have some company this afternoon. Tuesday is Meaty and Grimmy day at my house, so I will pick them up soon. They are two old-timer dogs now so they don't mind me cleaning - just as long as I don't run the vacuum. ;-) Tuesday is also knitting meeting day, but I skipped it this week - didn't want to put any other road-block in the way of getting cleaning done. I really did miss it. Tomorrow will be Day 3 of this cleaning marathon. I need to finish up on Wednesday for two reasons: I am not really enjoying this, just want to be content in my own house again, and Thursday is Milo, Meaty and Grimmy Day. Nothing gets done when the 3 Musketeer Dogs are here!

And I am sort of dreading Wednesday cleaning. I'll be working on the bedroom level. This level frequently gets skipped when I am rushed (it is not visible to a causal visitor, one whole floor up, keep the blinds closed and no one will know ... you get the idea!). And there are 2 full bathrooms upstairs that are used a lot. This townhouse has 3 1/2 baths. The full bathroom in the basement is used only by company. The half bath on the first floor is easy to clean. The upstairs bathrooms ... ugh! In my next life, I am never going to live anywhere that has 4 toilets (unless I am exceedingly rich and have multiple staff - then the more toilets the merrier!!!)

Day 1 - Cleaning and memories of my mother-in-law

It felt great to get outside this morning and walk. I walked for 62 minutes, and I was just dripping with sweat! But I really was glad to start the day with that walk. It was just around my neighborhood (and I am pretty bored to death with the view), but I do feel lucky to have such a shady neighborhood. After 25 years of living here, the trees have all matured. And I took my walking tour through Harris Teeter - air conditioning and a big drink of water made the detour ever so pleasant.

Then I got to work. I decided to divide my house in 3rds. I live in a townhouse with 3 floors, so making the division was pretty easy. My focus today was the finished basement. I had really hoped to de-clutter and clean, but I decided to focus only on cleaning and picking up stuff. And because that is the easiest part of the house to clean - it didn't take all day. So I vacuumed the first floor as well - the level that was causing me the most stress. There was pet hair (2 cats and 3 dogs worth) everywhere and to add insult to injury there was also copious amounts of leaves that were tracked in by people and the dogs. It felt good to get that cleaned up. Much more to do tomorrow.

I do love things clean and picked up but I don't enjoy the actual cleaning. My mother-in-law (may she rest in peace) was an excessively clean and tidy person. Her home was her hobby. I think she truly did love cleaning. And she was a collector of things. All were art-fully displayed and dusted. If something was moved she knew it. It reminded me of a gift shop. When I met her, she lived in a 2 bedroom apartment. It was an older building with wood floors. Each year, she would get down on her hands and knees and she stripped off the old floor polish from the entire apartment with a putty knife (polish she put on her floor monthly). And she would wash all her walls and all the items in her house (she was a smoker). It took her two weeks in the spring. The first time I came to dinner I helped her hand-wash the dishes. I was doing the drying. I was dropping the forks into the forks slot of her drawer. She pointed out that her forks (and other utensils) weren't dropped into the tray, they were lined up - laying on their sides - in a specific manner. Her whole apartment was that way. Just so! I think it gave her some kind of peace to live like that - control over her environment maybe. She was a difficult woman to get to know, she had a hard life, she didn't really get along others that well - not even her son, and at her death she had few contacts or friends. And, yet, I think managed to be her friend, and she was a wonderful grandmother to my children. I think of her often when I clean. I miss her most then!