Grand Master Plan for 2020

This is the time of year for

 goal setting,

 project development,

 and resolutions!  

Newspaper, magazine, blogs ... all seem to have some version of those elements displayed in their recent issues/posts.  All provide inspiration and sometimes guidance for making next year count!!  Make it the Best Year Ever kind of thinking. I have been guilty of all those year-end activities in previous years!  And I have relished reading about others goals as the clock rolls over to a new year.  In fact, I built a successful professional life around being organized and goal-driven.

This year I have a **New**  Grand Master Plan for 2020.  It is a brilliant and daring idea - and a 'first' for me!!  Potentially life changing and yet simple.  It belongs on a magazine cover!!  Drum Roll, please.

There is no Grand Master Plan.  

No goal setting.

No project development.

No yearly to-do lists. 

No nothing!!

Deep breath!  Trying to wrap my brain around that single idea.

But saying and doing are two different things.  What does 'the doing of nothing' look like?

Since I have never done this before I couldn't help wondering if there were guidelines for such a decision.  You know ... a "how to" for planning nothing!!  I have never seen anything that comes close to implementing that course of action.   With no guide or sample of how to do nothing successfully, how does one get started??   And once started, how does one keep it up?

Of course, my brain is having trouble imagining such alien concept and it was looking for a crutch!!  Go figure.  It takes a type-A personality like mine to look for  the "right way" of starting and doing nothing.  Ha!

For starters ... I am pretty sure that doesn't mean the death of daily to-do list, or weekly menu planning, or shopping lists, or weekly calendar management.  I am all for breaking out of my rigid mold a boldly following a new direction, but a 72 year old brain still needs some structure after all.  To me it means I have no overlying goals or "special words" or New Year's resolutions or lists of major projects ... to achieve for the next year.  None!!

Summed up in a single sentence:

I am not layering on top of my everyday life

any more expectations than I currently have to get through each day. 

(I wonder if I should write a book about that.) 

😆

While I glory in the newly minted feeling of freedom that planning nothing for the new year provides, I have a sneaky suspicion that some people have approached the New Year with this attitude for a long time.  For me, however, it is ground breaking.  It might even be another level of maturity or increased confidence!  Maybe just a new way to live my life.

Me ... without a plan! 

👀😧😳👀 

Will anyone recognize me?

Since I am not breaking out in a sweat or trembling or hyperventilating ... it must be the right course of action for me!

No goals, no problem!

2020 is lookin' good!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR
 EVERYONE!!

Going Deep - Update

In January I discovered a blog post called

   Go Deep Not Wide.  

That post plugged into a theme that was trending in my brain.  Since that first exposure to Go Deep, Not Wide, it has not been far from my thoughts.  If you missed that post I encourage you to check it out by clicking on the link above.

For me thought has become action in subtle ways - not an intentional change, just sort of like watching another person (me) do things differently.

Using the words "Go Deep" to navigate 2019 generally ... theoretically ...  fits companionably with my desire to declutter and lead a simpler life.  Said another way ... Go Deep is sort of like a string that holds together many different beads.  And so ... I thought I would share some observations of "this person" who I have been watching  ...

Email:

I get a lot of email for a person who doesn't work.  Most are vendors who want me to spend money.  I usually delete without opening and sometimes un-subscribe.  But every single day I would have about 30 emails - only 5 or so were real.  So I reversed things.  I now un-subscribe as my usual action - and delete a few without opening. What a different!!  This morning only about 8 emails - and most were blog posts I keep up with.  Excellent, Excellent, Excellent!

Kindle and Audio books:

I think I am the fastest downloader east of the Mississippi!!  See it, want it, download it!  Done!  I justified it by telling myself that 'electronically having it' didn't create actual clutter.  True, but clutter isn't only objects.

My Kindle library of books waiting to be read is large.  But I pretty much read my Kindle only when eating and before going to sleep.  The pending titles grow faster than the completed ones.  I now delete offerings from Amazon for Kindle titles without looking further.  If I do happen to see a title I want I just put it on my Wish List for later. (*sigh* next in line will be shortening by Wish List.  Ha!)

The first time I counted the audiobooks on my phone there were 61 titles waiting to be heard.  Today there are 54 books.  Some were deleted because I wasn't interested in them any more, but still ... progress. I will keep my Audible membership but stop buying additional new titles - even at the cheap "daily deals" price  - till the list gets down to about 10 books.  I picked that number out of thin air, but it seems reasonable.

Real Books:

Surprisingly I am reading a few 'actual books.'  You remember what they look like - paper, glue, ink.  I occasionally purchase books - new and used - 'cause I think I want the actual paper copy of a specific title.  Of course, I don't seem to get around to reading all these purchases. I have a collection of maybe 30 books.  No more buying.  I'll read what I have and pass them on when I am done.   The books I am reading right now are:

• The Minimalist Home by Joshua Becker
• A Stash of One's Own by Clara Parks

I'll try to use the library in the future.  We have a great library system.  Taxes pay for that.  May as well make use of it.

Electronic Social Media:

Now here is a brain-drain and time-suck I can probably reduce dramatically ... social media!   I am registered with 4 sites and I seem to participate with only 2.

• Instagram - Joined this recently, but seldom visit.  I instinctively don't like the Instagram messages I get that tell me "So and So is now following you."  I don't know So and So.  Why would So and So follow a stranger (me) that isn't famous, isn't selling anything, never contributes anything to the site like a picture or comment, and never even visits Instagram anymore?  Just creepy. It goes.
• Facebook - I am a frequent visitor.  My family is out there with pictures and stuff, and several craft websites are there as well.  I have blocked all the religious and political extremists, and the advertisements.  There is a Go Deep Facebook Page.  Reading others' interpretation of this  idea has been interesting.  As long as I can mold my experience by blocking and refusing unwanted people and sites, it stays (even with the bad press recently.)
• Pinterest - I get their emails all the time - lately I seldom open them.  I remember when I joined  up, I told a family member how expansive the world of ideas and projects are on Pinterest. I remember her response - I want less not more! I get it now. It goes.
• Blogger - I put blogging and reading blogs in this category.  It eats up more time than all the others combined, BUT it is important to me - as Marie Kondo would say - It gives me Joy!  It stays!

Where it goes from here I do not know.  Guess I will just have to keep watching "this person" to find out.

Eyes on 2019: Exercise

!! Exercise !!
It should be one of those bad 'four letter words.'
And yet when I do it I feel so much better.

At my age - exercise is not an option.
And I am not happy about that. 

Various parts of me stop working well when they rest for too long.
Trite but true - Use it or lose it!

Don't you just hate it when 'trite but true' is ... well, true!

In 2018 I had no exercise goals, but I did do stuff.  I participated in an aerobic class 2 times a week and on the weight machines 2 times a week.  Routine - magic word.

But all that fell apart at the end of last year.   I hurt my shoulder and was advised by my doctor to leave the weight machines alone for about 8 months.  Toning - gone. Then my aerobic class changed from Mondays Wednesdays to Tuesdays Thursdays.  I can never do Thursdays.  Aerobic activity - gone.

There goes my routine.
Couch potato time!!

For 2 months I did pretty much nothing beyond thinking
on the couch -

 (by the way ... thinking is not an aerobic or toning activity ... just in case anyone was wondering.)  

Everything needs to change in 2019.  And man ... do I hate change!   I found a Monday Wednesday class called Power.  It uses free weights, a step lift, exercise ball and bands ... and is designed for toning and muscle strength.  I have given Power a try and I like it a lot.

I rented two DVDs from the library.
This DVD does not use weights but I thought I would purchase
with this one to begin with.  

I discovered in class that getting down on to the floor and get up again
was so much easier using a step up of about 4 inches.  There are
graduated risers just like in class to increase effort.

In fact I liked it so much I got a step lift for the condo - and an exercise DVD to use when I miss going to Power.  The work out is similar.  Now to just work it into my day.  One problem solved.

Aerobics is a stickier problem.  The DVD I purchased does address aerobics as well so maybe I can kill two birds with one stone.  Or I'll go back to walking.  It won't be an ideal solution in my neighborhood because it isn't really walker friendly.   But no matter.  I have a blogging friend who walks in her basement on bad days.  If she can walk in her basement  (for 6 miles of steps, I might add) I can walk in my neighborhood.  If you don't believe me about 6 miles a day, check out Life is Good - a blog by my friend HappyOne - Karen.  She inspired me to blog.

It is a plan, at least, for now.

  Without a plan or a routine, I will do nothing,

(and doing nothing is not toning or aerobic activity ... just in case you were wondering.)

😏 

2018 Craft Plans

While I make a point of avoiding New Year's Resolutions, I do feel that creating a list of to-dos is helpful in planning yearly crafting activities.  There are so many things I would like to do and try.  If I don't make a list ... it doesn't get done.

Actually that is simple truth for me - no list, no focus.  List making is something I do without thought - just like breathing.  Do I accomplish everything I write down?  No.  But it shows what is important in the end.  Unimportant things just slip from day to day - and sometime disappear.

Over December I gave quite a bit of time to thinking about 2018 crafting: knitting, crochet, spindle spinning and, maybe this year, a needlepoint project.  Those items fleshed out they look like this:

Knitting

• Red hoodie for my grand daughter - almost complete now - for next Christmas
• A cable sweater for my grand nephew - for next Christmas
• A knitted toy for my grand daughter - for next Christmas
• A summer something for my grand daughter.
• Baby blanket for my grand daughter - because a knitter who does not create a baby blanket for her own grand daughter is in conflict with the knitting gods.
• A sweater for myself - using some wonderful yarn I purchased for Christmas 2016 - this to-do will not slip off my list.
• Another shawl - with beads - for my daughter-in-law.
• Another shawl - with beads - for my daughter.

Crochet

•  Amigurumi toys - at least give it a try.  I have this book on order.  

Cute!

Spinning

• Spindle spinning still calls to me.  I have several spindles and many wonderful options regarding fiber.  Creating the yarn will be the full goal - not what I plan to do with it.

Needlepoint

• During the 1980s I did a number of needlepoint project and enjoyed it greatly.  Now as my son and daughter-in-law prepare to welcome a daughter into their world by creating the nursery, I feel very inclined to create a needlepoint picture for her room. I am actively looking for a needlepoint canvas of a dragon or wizard to match the theme of the room.  Selecting the canvas and the yarns and working on the actual project will take some time - probably ending in a finished project some in 2019.  

So this list of things is stored here on my blog - so next year at this time I can see just how many are achieved.

Who I will be in 2018!

I don't make resolutions.  I do, however, enjoy visiting the blogs where people publish their resolutions.  To me resolutions are not so much goal setting and achieving ... resolutions reflect our desire to be someone different than we are now - or improve qualities that we already have but have not 'fed' recently.

In recent years I followed the blog trend of picking a single word and seeing how closely I could live my life to demonstrate of that word.

• In 2016 I picked the word - Move!  I wanted to be more physically active.  I don't know about physical activity - be we did move - in 2016 - and it did require a great deal of physical activity on my part.  I guess that counts even if not planned that way.
• In 2017 I picked the word - Consistency.  I wanted good habits performed more consistently.  In truth, I promptly forgot that word as I got into 2017.  I couldn't even guess what it was until I looked it up for this post.  Certainly exercise was a good habit I wanted this past year.   Looking back I did consistently exercise - joining The Y last January and being dedicated to my PT exercises since June.  

So what to do about 2018!

I won't be doing 'Resolutions' nor picking a 'Word' to thread through my year.  If I learned anything from my life in 2017 - it is that regardless of any goals or intentions I have - the future will happen regardless of my plans for it, and I will be responding.

But the question that keeps rising to the surface is: who will I be in 2018?

• Health: The events of 2017 set me back.  This body is good for only a fixed period of time, and I want to be sure it is functional for ALL that time.  So I am continuing what I started in 2017 - to maintain and improve this body through regular activity. 
• Distractions: As in previous years - I need to start decluttering again.   Objects for me are distractions and the condo has started to feel full.  All the downsizing I did allowed me to move from 2200 square feet space into 1375 feet space in 2016.  Someday I may need to shrink even more - maybe into a single room.  What I do now will minimize what my children may be forced to do on my behalf in the future.   Objects are half the battle.  Time is the other half.  The clutter of an overly busy calendar can be stressful. 
• Grandchild:  This will be a new adventure!  One that I can hardly wait to begin.  

Keep healthy for a grandchild.

Make space and time for a grandchild.

Those are the words that will guide me in 2018!

Who will you be in 2018?

GoodReads Reading Challenge for 2016 and 2017

GOODREADS

 Take the Reading Challenge!

It's that time of the year again - how many books will you read this year? 

Can you beat last year's goal?

Last January I joined the GoodReads Reading Challenge for 2016.   It is simple, really.  Just pick a number of books you want to read in a given year, plug it into the Good Reads website, log your completed books, and see if you reach goal.

I had no idea how many book I read in a year.  Last year I picked a random number - 25!  Silly me.  I passed that number very early on.  The final 2016 total was 43 books.  The total was probably more since I don't think I logged every book.  And I know I started about 10 others that I lost interest in and abandoned without finishing.  My reading is a mix of Kindle and Audio.  It has been a few years since I have read an actual book.  I should give that a try once again.  I used to adore reading non-electronic books.

My total of 43 for 2016 is really pretty low compared to some readers on GoodReads.  It is not unusual to see a goal of 75 or 100 books for the year.  I find that reading level pretty amazing.  That is about 2 books a week!!

GoodReads sent out invitations again for 2017 and I signed up.  I think I picked a total a little closer to my reading history. This year -  45 books.  I probably should have picked a higher number because last year I had a gap in time (summer moving) when I wasn't reading much.  But I will go with 45 - you never know what the future may hold - and I do love reaching a goal!

Have you ever joined a reading challenge?

Reflections on 2016

Hello all and Happy New Year.

I know - gone again from blogging.  Not going to make excuses.  The spirit just didn't move me to sit in front of the computer and type.  But I still follow several blogs - one by my blog friend Paula inspired me to check in once again.  She reflected on the year 2016 - and I got to thinking - yep! 2016 is worth summarizing.

1. What did you do in 2016 that you have never done before?

My husband and I moved this year.  I orchestrated the entire process (downsizing 30 years of stuff, purchase of the condo, contracting the move, packing and unpacking, townhouse sale).  My husband's disability has severely limited his ability to assist.  There were times during those months when I thought the effort would kill me - but just like with previous challenges, I put one foot in front of the other and came out on the other side reaching the goal.  I kept reminding myself, if I was single I would be doing this same thing anyway.  I did have the support of family and friends towards the end when my health took a hit, but I survived the experience on pure stubborn-ness for sure!

2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions? Will you make more for 2017?

I don't think I had a New Year's Resolution.  Obviously if I did the answer to this question would be No - I didn't keep it if I can't remember it.  I did have a word for 2016.  It was MOVE.  Ha!  I meant for that word to reflect more physical movement and improved health.  I didn't achieve that - but I certainly did MOVE this year.

For 2017 I have picked another word.  I wanted it to reflect what was lacking in 2016.  My new word for 2017 is CONSISTENCY.  I want better consistency in the key areas of my life:  exercise, improved diet/health, and, alas, blogging.  At times this past year I have considered closing down this blog.  I never seemed to do it.  So I am hoping to be more consistent in posting.

These are not Resolutions, however.  I think the word 'resolution' dooms the effort for me!  

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.  But we certainly would welcome new life in our family. 

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes.  Sadly, my dear dear grand-dog Grimace died early in the year.  No pet (including all the other cats and dogs that have graced our lives) has found such a deep caring place in my heart as that sweet Pug, Grimace.  He is so so missed.

5. What countries or cities did you visit?

None. We don't travel much any more and I do miss doing that.  Maybe someday but it is doubtful I will travel out of the country. There are too many places in this country I would like to see first.

6. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016?

Consistency.  Really.  2016 was consistently inconsistent.  In fact, the pattern of inconsistency started back in 2014.  In 2014 mom's health was failing.  Every week was a struggle and a sadness - and she died just after Christmas.  2015 was not much better.  The stability of my role as caregiver was gone and I didn't feel like I had another focus to anchor my life.  2016 was the height of inconsistency!  Uprooting our lives to improve them was extremely difficult and filled with many misgivings.  We are passed all that now.  2017 - looking for consistency.

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

We moved after 30 years in one place.  Nothing else comes close.

8. What was your biggest failure?

I didn't move - at least not the way I intended to move.  Striving for exercise activity in 2017.

9. Did you suffer any illness or injury?

Generally my health is pretty good - although I do feel that as I approach 70 years of age (April of this year), my strength is lagging.  I did fall ill with a few colds and GI complaints - and I did spend one night slumped over the kitchen table because that was the only comfortable position my spasmed back would allow.  But all in all - I can't complain.  

That said - I think it is time to focus on boosting my health with better food choices and exercise.  You can't keep leaning on generally good health without putting in some effort - at some point that naturally God-given luck will give out and you better have put some effort into staying strong on your own.

10. What was the best thing you bought?

The condo.  Hands down - this was the best purchase we have made in years.  Although we lost about 1000 square feet of living space, we gained a hugh amount of convenience and freed up a decent amount of cash and time. I will finish the blog 'tour' of our condo in January.

11. Where did most of your money go?

This year the greatest expenditures were related to moving.  When the dust settled our bottom line financially had improved.  But money was spent and shifted at a enormous rate - all of it related to moving.   

12. What did you get really, really, really excited about in 2016?

It has been a long time since I got really really excited about anything.  I think I lost that ability during my caregiving years.  I worry that the experience may have altered my normally outgoing sunny outlook on life.  It certainly changed me.

13. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a)happier or sadder b)thinner or fatter c)richer or poorer?

I guess I am a bit richer.  I am pretty much the same with regards to emotion and weight.

14. What do you wish you had done more of?

Exercise.  And I have to stop thinking in terms of 'wishing' when it comes to exercise!  Wishing gets you no where.

15. What do you wish you had done less of?

Worry.  Second guessing.  Doubting.  The last few years have been filled with too much of that.

16. What is the best book you read?

Well, I read (or listened to) 43 books this year (thank you Goodreads for keeping track).  The count is actually higher if you count the books I started and quit because they just weren't worth my time. I can honestly say that none of them would be described as 'best.'  I look for escapism in reading.  So I pick books that are pretty similar (apocalypse, zombies, weird themed mysteries, unusual life styles.)  My current book is about a female doctorate level psychopath who is an expert in medieval torture devices who works for a special CIA/FBI unit to hunt down criminal psychopaths. See what I mean?  Odd stuff.  None of it would count as 'best.'

17. What did you want and get?

I wanted to find a condo that would make our lives easier and safer.  Got that.

18. What did you want and not get?

I wanted a more flexible and energetic body.  I didn't get that because all I did was wish for it.  Nothing is ever gotten by wishing.

19. What kept you sane?

Knitting is my sanity pill.  Something about the repetitive and creative nature of this activity feeds my soul. 

20. Who did you miss?

My mom and my grand-dog, Grimace.

Happy New Year Blog Friends!

Get Reading - A 2016 Challenge

I have been a member of Good Reads for many years, but never an active participant.  I would visit the web site, look around, occasionally get some ideas about books, once in awhile I would update my reading list.   Really ... not much of a 'member' ... more of a window shopper!

This year I decided to get more engaged - more engaged with everything - and I decided to join the 2016 Book Reading Challenge.  To join this challenge you pick a goal of how many books you will read in 2016.  The books are logged on the Good Reads web site and you can track your progress.  I added a tracking device to my blog on the right.  I picked 26 books - or a little over 2 books a month - which I felt was reasonable goal.

I sincerely had no clue how many books was a reasonable number for me.  I frequently read or listen to books.  Listen more than read.  A few years ago I got a Kindle Paper White - and my actual reading dramatically increased, but still listening outranks reading.  I can listen to books while doing many other things.  But I never tracked how many books were completed.

This year will be different.  And shockingly - today, January 9 - I have already finished 3 books.  I have two others in the works.  I suspect my guess-timate of how many books was reasonable is way way off.

But I won't be changing my first estimate.  I will stick with 26 books for 2016 and see just how far off I am.  If I had to guess what my final total will be ... (you know, just between you and me - and not Good Reads), I will probably complete about 100 books this year.

It will be fun to look back and see what the total actually turns out to be.

Are you on Good Reads?

  Are you doing a reading challenge this year?

  If so, what is your goal for 2016?

Increase, Decrease, Decrease 2016!

I am not much for resolutions!  In my experience a resolution is good for about 3 days and then it is broken.  I also hate starting anything on a traditional date when "everyone is starting something" - i.e. New Years Day.

It is just a trap, trap, trap!

But this year I am falling into the trap for 3 personal goals. Simply put - Increase, Decrease, Decrease.  I thought I would share them here, because a public admission (and a public flogging if needed) might help compliance beyond 3 days!  Ha!

Goals should be measurable.  Pledging to be a happier person is a wonderful life attitude to seek out, but as a goal ...  how do you measure improvement.  My goals are measurable and I have a tracking system set up.

So here goes with the public pronouncement.

Goal #1
I need to Increase my activity.  Man, I hate this goal.  I have started it over many many times on this.  But I keep trying.  The past year was my couch potato year.  I thought 2014 was miserable for me and 2015 was pretty much a loss as well.  2016 must be more active - mostly because this body I have must last me precisely another 38 years (more on that in goal #3) and at this rate it won't.

Goal #2
I need to Decrease the load my legs haul around each day.  Simply put - lose weight.  I hate this goal, too.  It is so trite and so common and usually so unsuccessful.  But my weight continues to creep up. Sitting on the couch in 2015 didn't help.  I don't care if I "look younger," but I want to feel more energetic.  And if I have another 38 years, it is a long time to feel this way.

Goal #3
Finally, this goal will make some of you smile.  I need to Decrease my yarn stash.  (the operative word is decrease.)  I don't actually hate this goal.  It is clear, however, that my yarn is secretly reproducing while my back is turned  I could not possibly be guilty of contributing to this obsession!  (I am going to have to answer to God at some point for all these lies!  But for now, lying works.)

Here is where the '38 years' comes into play.

• About 5 years ago I did a yarn inventory, noting type and yardage on an excel spreadsheet.  I owned about 140,000 yards of yarn.  Using a typical measure of knitting up 5,000 yards a year - I could knit for another 28 years without ever buying yarn!  I was appalled!!  Embarrassed actually.  I went on a yarn diet in that moment.  
• A few years later I updated my inventory and I was bouncing about 170,000 total yards of yarn.  Gads!!!  Epic yarn diet failure!!!  (That was when I decided that I should be buying only male or female yarn.  No more mixing up the sexes.  The yarn was showing no control!!)  I could now knit for another 34 years without buying yarn.  Unacceptable.
• This fall I updated my inventory - (and by now no one should be surprised) the total was up again.  I now own about 191,000 yards of yarn - and this is with regular knitting and giving away yarn since the last inventory.  Now everyone, all together ... how many years can I knit without buying yarn???       "38 years!"   Correct!  You all are so smart.  :-)    

But ...

Let's get real.

For the record

 I will be buying yarn again!!

  I have a love affair with the stuff. 

It is a hobby that lights up my life. 

I want my yarn stash numbers to decrease or at least stay the same.  This goal will be the hardest one of all.  Like all 'addicts,' I am reducing my yarn temptations. I stopped all knitting magazine subscriptions, I have 'unsubscribed' from all on line yarn vendors, and I am avoiding yarn stores. It is going to be tough, but my hobby should not take up one whole room in my house - and it does!

So welcome 2016!

The year of Increase, Decrease, Decrease!

Move

I live in a neighborhood that was built about 30 years ago.  My husband and I are original residents so I remember a time when all the growth was young and not very big.  I love the maturity of the vegetation and how it provides a cool and shaded space to live and walk.

Really, there is no excuse for not walking in my neighborhood.  It is safe and well maintained and comfortable.

But for some darn reason finding time for walking is always a struggle for me.  This spring I started out so well with a routine of regular exercise.  Then the house renovations started.  Three weeks of painting, and a week of kitchen renovation ... and all those weeks and weeks to prepare and clean out and recover.  No walking then.  And some days the heat was more of an assault than even these lovely trees could cope with.

Excuses, excuses, excuses.

That is all those barriers were ... just excuses.

Last week I began again to establish a walking routine.  And I kept thinking about the why and how of my struggle with this simple habit.

And then I saw it.  The example of what happens to you when you don't keep active.  I saw it on my walk and it is a picture I just might put on my fridge to motivate me.

This is an old road way that was closed to through traffic over 30 years ago.
It ends at a creek where the bridge was washed away in a long-a-go hurricane.

Do you see it?

It is so obvious that you might miss it if you are looking too closely.  The side walk suddenly narrows.  Oh, the side walk is still there - hiding under the overgrowth of nature, but the path shrinks remarkably when not tended.

I live just to the left of this picture.

Here is the view with me standing on the narrow path.  And literally, this is where I feel like I am looking at my walking life at present. Standing on a narrow untended path.

You would think the example of inactivity in my mom's life would put the fear of God into me.  And it did for a time.  But images like that fade from memory.

I am a very visual person.  I do best with graphic examples.  My visual memory is petty darn good as evidenced by road trips when I could find my way back without a map - because I had "come this way before," ... even it is was years and years ago.

And so, in my walking world, I have come this way before.  I am standing in a place that is not well tended and I see where I want to go.   Aim for enough activity to broaden the path - my life.  This image also accurately shows how quickly you lose stamina over 60.  When I was 30 I could hold onto energy without much effort.  Now if there is no effort, the path narrows very very quickly.  Nuts!

This aging process certainly is a whole lot of work.  No wonder so many folks just give up and sit!

Out of respect to the body that got me this far - I am a bit more reasonable about expectations, but "reasonable" is not my normal mode of operation when it comes to exercise.  I am wired to be a competitive person - always looking to do more - be the best - aim for the lead.  And because of that exercise has always been "all or nothing" thinking.  After all, you can't be competing all the time.  Competing means there is a start and a finish - and someone wins.  This less younger version of me has had to readjust that thinking.  Walking doesn't have a start and finish as a habit.  The goal is not to be a winner, just physically a more active version of me.

Now my goal is to just move!  It isn't important that I beat last month's time, or walk more miles than I did last week.  The goal has slipped comfortably into what makes sense now - keep moving - and hold onto 10,000 steps a day average.  Those steps don't have to be fast, they don't have to be all at one time - but they should happen ... just happen!  As far as goals go, this one couldn't be more simple.

So here I go again.

Pedometer says today I have only 525 steps - at 8:23 am this morning.  Only 9,500 more to go!

My Time Machine

Recovery from care giving is taking longer than I thought.

Not recovery from mourning a loss - although I still miss mom every single day.  No, this particular "recovery" is more related to my current life ... more of a constant discovery of where I am in the aftermath of care giving.

Don't get me wrong ... I can't imagine making different choices for the last 10 years.  Nope!  I would do it all again.  But I must have naively thought when all this care giving stuff passed into my personal history, I would just pull up my "big girl" panties, square my shoulders ...  and move on with  life exactly as I planned when I was 50.

Reality has been different.  It is more like a time machine experience.

When I stepped into the care giving time machine I was in my late 50s.  I was working and looking forward to all the free time and activities of a planned retirement.  Now I have stepped out of the time machine. I am ten years older.  The landscape of my life has changed - inside and outside.  My previous plans seem to have drifted away like a puff of smoke.

And strangely that is ok!

I suspect that this is nature's way of slowing down the "busy-bee mentality of living" and making space for a more mindful life.  Instead of running around checking off my retirement list of to-dos, I find my days naturally shifting in a different direction.

***

I can hear the comments rattling around out there.
  

"Huh oh!
She has lost it.
What the heck is she talking about?

Did she read this in a book somewhere?

Is she drifting into a esoteric space?"

In my defense I guess this is what happens when you have the time to think about things.  Weird stuff pops out.  :-)  But stick with me a bit longer.

***

Looking at the arc of my life from the 30,000 foot perspective - it looks like this:

Rocky childhood

Good health

Education

Stable marriage

Wonderful kids 

Professional success
Good friends

Nice abode

Dedicated care giver

Retired.

Good health (still)

Family Longevity

In the grand scheme of life, I am one of the luckier individuals on this planet.   Other than my early years and my care giving experience,  my life followed a predictable and satisfying pattern.

So the real question is ... what now?

I thought I had the answer to that question - I had retirement nailed!  Topping the list of activities was travel, volunteer work, a fun part time job, hiking .... just to name a few.  But I don't have this period nailed down at all.  My retirement plans seem jumbled and not in sync with where I am at right now.  And I think I know what happened!

 Mother Nature stepped in while I wasn't looking and said ...

 "Hey you, listen up!

You have slipped into the arc of your life
where things are processed differently
 in your mind

 and in your body.
You need to respect that.
So get over yourself!"

Ahh, thank you very much, Mother Nature, for that in-your-face reminder!  I didn't build any of that into my retirement planning.

Now my retirement has a more realistic focus:

Stretch those muscles every night so you can walk upright every morning.

Gently greet the new day and don't expect too much before coffee.
Keep walking so you can stay on your own two legs.

Eat carefully so your stomach doesn't punish you.
Drink water - dehydration is not your friend.

Simplify. Simplify.  Simplify.

Enjoy friends and family.

Read.

Knit.

Think.

Gracefully accept the gift of a long life by respecting the body that got you there.
And thank Mother Nature.  She really does know best.

If I could still have a wish list ... it would have only one bullet point:

• Live in a world where the elderly are respected and relevant.

(Hmm... thinking, thinking)

Balder Dash!
Get rid of wishes.  They are a waste of time!

 I don't care about what the world thinks.
Respect your self, I say.
Don't see my worth?
Good riddins to you!
Your loss!
Step aside.
 You are in my way!
:-)

Yep!  That time machine has changed ALL my landscapes!

Insanity is ...

"Insanity: 

doing the same thing over and over again

 and expecting different results."

  Albert Einstein

Oh, Albert, how true this statement is.

I do some of my best thinking on my walks.  I wonder if Mr. Einstein was a walker.

It occurred to me today as I walked that I am moving away from previous insanities.  That is not to say that my old habits were wrong or defective in some way.  No, it just means that methods I used previously never seemed to endure or make lasting improvements for me.  And yet I always fell back on using them when I was "starting over" in my quest to improve my health.  

It was a kind of insanity.

For example: In the past, I diligently recorded exercise statistics:  activities, frequency, repetitions, durations, etc.  It fit my nature to do this, and I assumed it kept me engaged in exercise.  Funny, but the "engaged" part never seemed to last as long as I wanted. 

Today while walking I reflected that I felt pretty good.  The distance, time and speed didn't really matter to me.  What counted was the feedback I was getting from my body that said:  "enjoying the walk, keep doing this till you are ready to stop, and then repeat again soon."  Right then I decided to stop record keeping on my calendar (my history of what I had done) and consider the activity as "money in the bank" for the future - improving my freedom of movement for longer into my aging with every step I took.  

The change of focus was the difference between looking behind at the past and seeing ahead into the future.

I realized the same was true for my stretching/yoga moves.  My body had some stiffness from yesterday's practice that I knew would be relieved by more practice.  In fact, I was eager to get those tiny improvements in flexibility later today ... "banking" those improvements so that my future flexibility would keep me moving and nibble. 

So I am leaving behind an insanity and hopefully finding a lifestyle.  

Only time will tell.

The only objective indicator I am using now is the step count on my FitBit.  The step count proves I am moving enough each day to avoid some of the bad things in life.  My goal is still 10,000 steps average per day.  Sometimes I get 10,000 steps through my walks, and sometimes I reach the goal through activities in the house.  No matter how I get them, it is movement!  And movement is one of those "magic pills of health" that everyone looks for but many refuse to recognize.  The FitBit and me are Buds!! 

Hope you approve, Mr. Einstein.

Reducing Life Static

There are many blogs on minimalism and simplification.  It is a real movement for sure.  Broadly speaking, the movement to reduce the clutter of life in all its iterations is a desire probably born from our consumer culture where the "cult of big, better, more" is still fully in charge.

My own journey to reduce what I call "life static" has been ongoing for years and feels like it is finally picking up steam today.  It is time for some observations on my current efforts to calm my world down - especially when a big responsibility and focus of life has recently disappeared.

It started quietly when I needed to thin out the inherited stuff from the death of a grandmother-in-law and a mother-in-law during the mid 1990s.  Next came the "newly-adult-children-returning-home chapter," so space was made for them.  In mid 2000s my mom moved in with her stuff.  Although I decluttered and decluttered and decluttered over the last 20 years, the stuff continued to increase like rabbits.  I never got ahead.  I just stayed even.  Now the adult children are fully independent, all older adults have passed away, and my decluttering efforts seem to be making a difference.

It continues to astound me, however, at the volume of stuff that has passed through my hands in the last 20 years.  I don't remember one single thing that left this house.  Not one single thing. That understanding underlines emphatically just how little we really need to be happy.  Decluttering creates a feeling of lightness, almost like a drug high.

It is trite but true - less is more.

While decluttering is a big part of my efforts, it is but one small part of my life static picture.

Time is precious - more precious to me now than when I was 30.  It is human nature to think there is plenty of time left to do what you want, but no one has a promise of more time than the current moment.  I used to think I would return to work in a fun part time job when mom was gone - now she is gone - no job for me.  No, no, no!  (see a previous post on The Power of No.)  I suspect all retired folks worry about money and if it will last. I am no different. But I would rather adopt a frugal life style than fill my free hours with a job to gain a pay check.  Time is precious.  Time is the goal ... not money.

Travel was always on my radar - especially after retirement.  But now my husband is not comfortable with his external environment.  His vision is very very compromised now - what little he has.  And I find I don't miss travel.  I love my home and my life.  I don't need to seek out ways to escape from it like I did when I worked.  It is an interesting evolution I would never have predicted.

I dream of less living space.  I love my townhouse.  All 2,000 feet of it has served me well in raising a family, supporting elderly relatives and giving children a safety net while they established themselves in the world.  But my current dream is less house.  And less will definitely be more if this dream is ever achieved.  More on that topic another time.

Busyness is way reduced.  My "to do" lists still get made, but some days they are never looked at.  Thank goodness there is always tomorrow (hopefully there is tomorrow, but if not, will the "to-dos" really matter all that much to me?)  And thank goodness for "to do" lists, because once something is on the list I know that it will eventually get done (if there is a tomorrow - but if not - oh well.)

Time to think and dream have filled the vacuum left by my mom's death.  Wow, what a concept - time to think.  That still blows my mind.

My "20 years and 20 goals blog theme" born years ago is now down to a "20 years and 2 goals blog theme":  (1) keep fit and healthy, and (2) enjoy living every minute. How's that for symplifying!  Even if my mind starts to fail me like mom's did, I should be able to keep track of 2 goals!!

So that is the wrap up for Reducing Life Static.

Someday I might even get good enough at this simplifying thingy

 to get this whole post down to one sentence!!! 

(ok, maybe not.)

Coping Strategies

Personal goals go out the window at a moment's notice when you are a care giver.

But I haven't lost sight of them and now they are no longer optional goals ... some of them are coping strategies. 

WALKING

The most important goal of all - walking.  My simple goal is to increase my daily step average each month.  

January

7112 average daily steps

February

7094  average daily steps

March

8502 average daily steps

April - first 8 days

9293 average daily steps

It is remarkable that March showed improvement.  I guess I was putting in a lot of miles the early part of March because once mom was hospitalized, I was only walking from my car to the hospital and back.  Oh, and let's not forget the steps I took from her bed side to the bathroom or the cafeteria and back.  But the real goal is the daily average - not individual day totals.

Now I am walking - sometimes twice a day - because I can't sleep.  And I am just so darn tired all the time.  Walking during the day is the only thing that helps me get through the night.  So this is Coping Strategy #1.  Walk, walk, and walk some more.  It does help, truly.

A special thanks to my Fitbit pedometer and its ability to track my steps when I really could care less, and automatically sync with the website capturing my stats until I am ready to look at them.  The only thing I need to do is keep the battery charged.

KNITTING

I had one knitting goal - to finish my daughter's shawl.  Thankfully I did that before mom's hospitalization.  Ironically my crafting life stalls when I am upset or worried.  I know that is the exact opposite of many folks who find escape in the act of knitting during tough times.  Not me. But I am knitting a little each day.  And when I do force myself to knit those few rows each day - I do feel better afterwards.  

CLEANING

This was a pretty simple goal - clean two closets.  It did not happen, and now the rest of the house is in a desperate state of dirty!  Usually when I am upset I become a cleaning machine!  Not this time.  My energy levels are very very low, so I am not going to fret about a dirty house.  

BLOG

Blog more ... was my goal.  Blogging has always helped me - especially when things have been difficult with mom.  The story of my mom and care giving continues.  I did blog a bit more.  But I don't want this blog to become only my care giving journey - so I will try to broaden my focus going forward.  

EXERCISE

Do more strength and stretching exercises.  This was the goal.  While totally worthwhile, it has been really hard right now.  No time, no energy, no immediate feedback - like walking gives - to make the effort right now possible.  I haven't lost my desire.  I'll be back. 

My April Goals!

Walk more!

Sleep better!

Settle mom in her new environment!

Frosty February

So here we are all in February.  Another wintery - and probably snowy - month.

Goals are the focus for me this month.

I am going to announce them here - so I have some way of checking back and comparing my results at the end of the month.

Here we go:

• Finish one of my jumbo knitting projects. I have three on the needles, but right now it looks like the finish-it project will be my daughter's shawl.  (a hard one) 
• Beat my January step average in February. (an easy one)
• Complete my exercise routine 4 times a week average. (should be do-able)
• Clean out my bedroom and upstairs hall closets. (Only God knows what is in them.)
• Blog at least one more time before the end of the month. (should be easy but ... famous last words)

That should do it for goals.  

February is a pretty significant month for two other reasons.  

The Winter Olympics start on February 8.  Yeah!!  I am a huge fan of the Olympics - especially the Winter Olympics.  And I am really excited about the venue - Russia.   I'll be spending a lot of knitting time watching the athletes of the world compete.  I hope the US does well, but really, it is all about excellence - human excellence - and I am totally human, so I am ready to cheer them all.   Just hoping we can have a safe event.

This month mom turns 88 years old on February 6.  It always stuns me when I think over the last 10 years.  I started worrying about how she was doing when she was 78.  She took 2 years to make any decisions about living arrangements.  At 80 she moved in with me.  When she was 2 months shy of 86 she moved into Assisted Living.  Now at 88 years old we have been on this rocky journey together for 10 years.  Ten whole years.  That is a big chunk of both our lives.  Mom has changed greatly during these years and surprisingly so have I.  Neither one of us has changed for the best I fear.  But I celebrate her upcoming birthday.  I wish it was a more active and healthy time for her, but long life is still a gift - no matter how it looks.

That is my February.

We are in the grips of Winter.  Even though I love love love winter, I am beginning to appreciate the values of spring a little better!  :-)  (Wow, I never thought I would say those words!)

So what does your February look like?

2012 In Sight

Every year I say: I am not going to make resolutions or goals. And I do it anyway!

I have come to accept that goal making, having to-do lists (which in reality is what a yearly list of goals), is part of who I am. No list, no goals ... no forward progress.

So a short look backward seems appropriate now.

In 2011 I had these simple ideas:

• Get focused - Who the heck knows if I achieved that!
• Use 5,000 yards of yarn - I had an embarrassing amount of yarn in January 2011. It is more embarrassing now. (Retail therapy is a terrible thing.) I used about 4,000 yards of yarn this year but since I obtained about 22,000 yards of new stuff, I lost ground. I enjoyed every minute of getting it, however. Yarn collector! That is what I am.
• Get Spinning - *sigh* - I suspect this was not a good year to establish new hobby habits.
• Get Weaving - better success there. I finished a hand loom weaving project for my mom, a scarf for me, and I have a Weave-It blanket about 1/3 complete. But I didn't make much progress on my new rigid hettle loom.
• Complete Yarn Projects - here I accomplished more than I thought. I finished 1 pair of socks, but I ripped out the partially made sweater. I made Milo his dog sweater and completed both a shawl for mom and a sweater for me. I also finished some wash clothes and two brain slugs.

So as far as planned achievements go, I did ok. What is not showing on this list is all the stuff I plowed through with mom. Thank God I couldn't see into the future to add all that stuff to my yearly to-do list. I would have just closed up shop and left the country.

This year I am keeping it simple again - 3 goals.

• Get Walking - I want to walk 1000 miles in 2012. While that number seems like a very big number, it isn't. Based on 3 miles a day, I could 1100 miles. I know initially I will miss some days and probably not even do 3 miles, but as the weeks pass I should be able to do more and reach that goal. And to that end, I have placed a little walking person at the top of my blog. It will help me stay focused on moving forward.
• Keep knitting, weaving, spinning - stay connected to crafting so my emotional life doesn't stagnate like it did this past year. Five completed projects of something would be nice. Oh, and use 5,000 yards of yarn.
• Empty Nesters - with mom's move to a new residence, our lives are changing. Some space within our home and our life has opened up. Hard to know what to-dos will evolve from this massive change, but it is a goal I recognize as important this year. Initially I have gained back a little living space. Mom's bedroom in my home is still hers. Even though she cannot physically reach that space, it contains the important things of her life that she chose not to take with her to assisted living. But her den has now become my new craft space. Too soon to report on that effort, but I hope to sometime in January. We are still sorting through the clutter (yes, I still have tons of it - even after the massive clean outs of 2011). New motto: Less is More (except for yarn, of course.)

So the "to-do girl" with the lists and goals still lives on. I am glad to see she still can look forward.

Bucket List and Happy Birthday Mo!

BLOG FEST

My son's girlfriend is hosting a Blog Fest in honor of her March Birthday. Happy Birthday!!!

The goal of this blogfest? Create a Bucket List!

I couldn't resist. Of course, the instructions said to limit your list to 5, and AGAIN, I couldn't follow instructions. I needed to do 10. Do you think I have problems with authority?

So here goes!!

1. Visit England, Ireland and Canada before airport security reaches critical absurdity - literally stripping you down to "birthday suit" in public.
2. Walk 6 to 7 miles per day like my friend Happy One - of course, it took her 25 years to do that - not sure I have another 25 years in me before I kick the bucket (oh sorry, I really need to find a way to resist that). :-)
3. How about live another 25 years - oh, heck - let's make it 37 years so that I can see my 100th birthday (this is a Bucket List - I can add anything I want! Right?).
4. Have enough money to live to be 100! (a seriously important point - I don't want to choose between buying yarn and eating.)
5. Take a train ride across country - from the east coast of the US to the west coast - have a luxury sleeping car, great food, a comfortable chair in front of a big picture window and my knitting. Stop a National Parks. Stop at yarn shops.
6. Take a Cruise - have a state room with a private sun deck. Knit.
7. Sit on the porch at my cousins' mountain: knit, sip wine, walk the garden, play with their fiber toys, hike to the top of their mountain. Commune with the bears (I hear they have them.) Well, maybe not ... maybe commune only with pictures of bears. A week would do me!! I also hear they don't have many stink bugs up there - a BIG plus.
8. Spend a week at the beach by myself. Scrap that! Make it a month. Knit.
9. Get a part time job in a bookstore or a yarn store AND not go bankrupt.
10. See a Tornado and not on TV either, at a safe distance, yet close enough to really see it but no so close that it takes away my yarn stash.

Back Again - to Curves!

OK, so I returned to Curves yesterday.

Curves is a gym designed for women. The Curves program includes all five components of exercise - warm up and cool down, cardio, strength training and stretching -- and works every major muscle group while helping to keep you in your heart rate in the training zone.

I belonged to this gym several years ago and found it very effective. You can get a full body work out in 30 minutes. The gym has long hours, is open 6 days a week and can be used on your own schedule. I think this change will fit my fickled personal schedule better than attending a class with a fixed time.

My goal of staying active remains a high priority. Progress walking is moving forward well, but it isn't improving my strength. And although I found Tai Chi to be beneficial to my balance and leg strength, getting to a 4:00 Wednesday fixed class time seems to be doomed lately. I have missed more and more Tai Chi sessions this winter due to conflicting demands and schedules. And once it is missed, it can't be made up at another time. Unfortunately - after 2 years of practice, Tai Chi has taken a back seat to so many other things that just happen to fall at the same time.

So I will replace Tai Chi with Curves.

Yes, I have a crazy schedule at times, and yes, there are priorities that do bump my personal life with increasing frequency, but if an exercise option is flexible enough, it can fit into anyone's schedule - if you make it so!

Welcome back to my life - Curves!