Christmas Past

It is the season for good will and cheer for all.  

Being Christian, I celebrate Christmas.  Of course, in recent years it seems like the word Christmas has been replaced by the word Holiday.  Merry Christmas is now Happy Holidays ... to be more inclusive of all the celebrations that occur during this season.  Sad.  I wish political correctness hadn't evolved to such a meaningless point.

Back in the mid 1990s I was the supervisor of a large medical department.  We always celebrated with gusto.  There was no focus on the religious elements of Christmas, just the Santa theme.

Santa would arrive bringing good cheer for the employees, we had a pot luck lunch in the department.  The supervisory staff (there were 4 of us) dressed as Santa's elves for the whole day.  I remember that time with great fondness.  Nothing speaks of Christmas as much as bringing smiles to the faces of the employees and patients.

Recently one of my former employees found a picture from that time that she shared with me.  In the spirit of good cheer, I share it with you.

Hope your holidays (whatever they are) are filled with joy, smiles and good will towards all.  And remember, the best thing you can do this season is to pass all that cheer on to others.  There seems to be a deficit of good cheer in our world today.

Don't forget!  Pass it on.

Planner-Calender, Bullet Journal, Commonplace Book

I spent my whole adult working life tethered to a planner/calendar of some sort.  I always used a commercial option to keep all the balls of my life from falling to the floor.  It worked pretty good.
And as a caregiver, I kept copious written records - since I was managing two lives for 8 years.

After my mom's death I entered official retirement ... I dropped all tracking methods keeping my to-dos on short daily 3x5 cards.  Things were simpler now.  Simple life ... simple tracking.

After months of using that approach, I discovered it wasn't that simple.

When a 'vacuum' occurs - the void fills with other things.  Lots and lots of other things.  The 3x5 cards system failed for a lot of reasons.  And I began to wonder if my mind was slipping.  Stuff fell off my radar with frightening frequency.

In truth, my mind probably is slipping.  I guess it retired when the rest of my body did.  So ... with that as a concern I needed better system.

My Bullet Journal - of course, I had to purchase a nice cover.

Enter the Bullet Journal.

I mentioned Bullet Journaling in a previous post.  I purchased a simple plain bound book specifically designed for bullet journaling - but really - the method could be used in any blank book.  I launched a 'test'  journal (which is no longer 'test').  Being a bullet list kind of person, this kind of time management fit me perfectly.

It is very individualized including all those bullet lists I put on 3x5 cards, as well as future planning, wish lists, habit trackers, future shopping lists, favorite quotes, and all my brilliant ideas (smile).  Some people do traditional journaling or diary entries in this book and decorate it with art work and colored pens.  I like mine plain, neat and productive.

I am getting a whole lot more done.  Less things fall through the cracks of my life.  In fact, checking off those little boxes is sometimes the main reason I do the task!  (Ha!)  I still use a wall calendar for distance planning and to prepare my Bullet Journal each month, but my Bullet Journal holds all the details.  And, as they say, the devil is in the details!

Another kind of book has recently hit my awareness.

A Commonplace Book.

For those who are well versed in historical figures or various kinds of old style literature - you might already know about Commonplace Books.  But for me, this was a new idea.

Here is the link that describes the Commonplace Book.  This book is not a planner or a journal.  It is  a place to capture and save those bits of knowledge, quotes, art work, doodles, clips saved from magazines or newspapers and ideas from others that are meaningful to you.  It is a place to house them so that they can be found again should you want to hold that information in your life.

Laura Bethmann
Photo Credit: Link

The practice of a Commonplace Book is apparently very old ... used during times when knowledge found in books was not readily available to the general population - books were rare and very expensive.   Over time this kind of book was used less because books became more common and ownership more likely.    It appears now - in the electronic information age - a more modern version of the Commonplace Book might be returning.

We are now bombarded with information from every direction and multiple sources often passing at what seems like the speed of sound.  When nuggets of interesting information, a great quote, an impressive idea or a beautiful picture comes to our attention - it can be easily lost with the next thought, or email, or phone call or demand on our time.   The Commonplace Book might be a good place to safely store those eclectic things ... so it is not lost by our memory.

This is an idea that appeals to me.  It feels like a creative outlet, an unstructured storage chest for fun quirky things that catch my fancy.  And although my Bullet Journal is a pretty plain Jane bound book - a Commonplace Book could be a beautiful, colorful bound book - special just for itself.

Thinking, thinking ...

One wish ...

If you could have one material wish

 (no wishing for world peace here ... )

 what would you wish for?

That was the question posed by a blogging friend called Paula at Smidgens, Snippets and Bits.  That question seemed to resonate like a huge gong in my brain.

And it made me instantly sad and pensive about life.

My one wish is as impossible as world peace.  My husband has a degenerative eye condition that over the last 10 years has robbed him of his vision.  Today he is legally blind and at some point in the future, he will be totally blind.  His condition has no cure!

My wish would be sight for my husband.

In fact, if it was medically possible (it isn't) - I would happily give him one of my eyes.

While this statement sounds self sacrificing on my part - it is not!  It is the fatiguing result of watching too much loss around me.

I spent the last 8 years watching my mom slowly lose all parts of a life she had independently built up  ... lost through age and dementia ... until finally she was left with only her daughters standing by her beside waiting for the end.  She did not even have the comfort of knowing we were there.  Total and complete loss.

Now I watch my husband slowly shed a life time of cherished hobbies.  First to go was some of his independence - no driving.  Then his substantial library of books, followed by his enormous  American Stamp Collection,  and now on the chopping block is his beautiful and valuable toy soldier collection.  TV is now mostly a radio show for him.   Even pouring a cup of coffee without spilling it has become a challenge.

The gift of one of my eyes would be a small sacrifice to make to improve his life.

But wishing is a waste of time.

How easy it is to focus on all the troublesome problems in life.  If problems go on for years and years, it becomes a habit to view life through the lens of loss.

This year - the first year of my mom's passing and the first year of increasing disability in my husband - I have allowed my emotions and point of view to settle on what is missing - what is lacking - on loss!  It has sapped my energies.  Fatigue best describes my internal mental state.

I need to change the lens I am looking through!

So I am pushing myself right now instead of wishing.

• Organization.  The Bullet Journal has been helpful in putting some control back in my hands.  
• Gratitude.  I need to write down all the positives - they are many.  Bullet Journal - make room.
• Adult Coloring!  Yes, coloring for grown ups - and I am not talking about porn coloring books!  I didn't need a new hobby but apparently I have one.  Coloring is apparently a new (old?) hobby - one most likely relegated to children in the minds of many.  But now it has become quite the adult past time to help reduce stress and increase relaxation.  Who knew?  I have new coloring books, new color pencils and I am off and running - well, off and coloring at least. Maybe I will post a picture or two.
• Legos - opps!  See a theme here?  I will blog more on that later.
• Knitting - nothing replaces the satisfaction I get from knitting.
• Walking ... enough said.

If I have one strength  ... it is my ability to adapt and change.  Lately, however, it is harder than normal.  Fatigue is a powerful enemy.  But I have little patience for people who sit and say "poor me" and do nothing about it.

I have lost patience with poor fatigued me!  Working on a different description.

How about you?  

Any wishes?

My kids ... My soldier

I am always warmed by pictures of my two kids together.  They turned out to be such wonderful and responsible adults.  This picture is from the 1990s - when my son served in the military as a Marine.

This post is to recognize that service.  I wasn't the best 'service mom.'  Our family does not have a history of military service.  It is not part of my life experience.  While I am a strong supporter of our military, their families and the sacrifices they experience every single day, I don't do separation well. Separation from family is part of the deal when you join the military.  I wish now I handled that time better.

And now I recognize the short comings of those feelings.  I am not proud of them at all, but I am very  proud of my son's choice and his service.

Happy Veterans Day, Matt.

Here are my two wonderful 'kids' today.  

How lucky can one mom be!!

A journal of a different kind.

Over the years I have had almost every kind of calendar / planner you could name.  They were always paper - never digital.

This year I went "rogue."   With little structure in my life - no job or caregiving duties to wrap my days around - I assumed my simple life could be reduced to a simple bullet list on 3x5 cards. Each day a new card.  Undone tasks transferred to the next day's card.  Completed cards - thrown away.

Well ... it hasn't been pretty!  Not pretty at all.

First off the cards would be prepared and then ignored.  Opps!  That's a fail!  Then cards got lost.  Great.  Now I have to rely on my 68 year old memory.  Another failure in the making.  Finally, if the cards were completed, they were trashed and the information was lost.  Mostly that wasn't a big deal because things like ... clean toilets, do laundry, and take a walk - aren't huge losses if they aren't saved for posterity.

But other lost details were sometimes important.  It is nice to when your last mammogram was done, when that specific bill payment was sent (since the post office lost 3 pieces of our mail in the last 6 months) and did you send that birthday card/anniversary card/wedding gift?

So the 3x5 cards had to go!  I searched and searched for a planner - finally bought one.  But it was totally ignored.  I was back to the 3x5 cards (the writing, the ignoring, the losing, the pitching.)

Enter the

 Bullet Journal.

I learned about bullet journaling from a blog I follow called Assortment.  The blogger just started using a bullet journal and I followed her link to a Bullet Journal site to watch a video.  It all clicked in my brain.  Then I watched some videos of other bullet journaling folks.  I learned that your journal can be as minimalistic or as elaborate as you desire.

Here are the pros from my perspective (I think I will use bullets ... Ha!  )

• It is analog - just the kind of planner/journal I prefer. 
• It has a stitched bound spine - not loose leaf or spiral bound.  Yet it lays flat. 
• Pages are not printed with a manufacturer's organizational structure.  Pages are dotted - sometimes a grid.  You create your own structure and boundaries. Simple or complex. 
• No wasted pages (like financial tracking, or telephone lists, or exercise logs - unless you add it in.)
• I am less likely to lose a book - not like those illusive 3x5 cards.
• There is no fixed end date - like December 31.  Use up the pages then move onto a new journal.  
• Structure can be customized on the fly.  Reduce or add more as needed.

The cons (and there is only one for me):

• You build the journal - that almost sounds like a pro statement, but it does involve some time to set up.  I think I can off set that by keeping my journal simple - it doesn't need to house my whole life.  

That is it.

I watched several YouTube videos on this topic and it is interesting to see what folks include.  Shopping lists, weekly menus, recipes, reading lists ... you name it.  Some journals include decorations like a scrap book and a place for actual journal writing (not bullets.)  Some include tabs, others include add-in pages that are preprinted to minimize set up.  All are stored safely in a simple book.

Or it can simply house an organized bulleted list of tasks using the Bullet Journal techniques described at BulletJournal.com.  Check out the link to get a quick sense of how it is set up if interested.

My new bullet journal was delivered today and I am off to set it up.

I love lists and bullets and keeping on track to get things done.  Keeping my fingers crossed that 3x5 cards are history ... and this tool helps make things "pretty" again.

9-11

Every anniversary of this terrible day the TV, the blog-sphere and social media is flooded with 9-11 remembrances.

And I support remembrances.  We must remember.

What I don't support are the images that emotionalize, sanitize or minimize the truth of that attack.  Beautiful waving national flags, a tearful statute of liberty with the smoky towers behind her, the struggles of the heroes to save lives ... those images do not show the terror, the desperation and the horror experienced by the innocent lives trapped in those burning buildings.  To remember that day with vanilla patriotic images fades the stark truth.  It separates us carefully and gently from the actual ugly event.

I don't think we should do that.

This is the image

 we should hold in our minds.

Remember

 this man!

Remember

 that some people jumped to certain death

 rather than stay in the inferno of those buildings.

Remember

 that as our innocent citizens fell from the building

  they knew with certainty that these were their last seconds of life on earth ...
approximately 10 seconds ...

Remember

 that those on the ground below

 will never forget the terrible thudding sounds of bodies hitting pavement

one after another - over and over - about 200 times.

If this post makes you upset, uncomfortable, angry, or sad, then I have achieved my goal.

We must never forget the real images.

This is how we do honor to those who died in that attack.

Remember.

Post Script:

• My last blog post on 9-11 was September 2012. The title was Jumpers.
• From the reading I have done - it appears that the New York chief medical examiner's office does not consider these people "jumpers."  Jumping indicates a choice and would imply suicide.  These people did not have a choice probably because of the force of the explosion, the fire behind them and the lack of breathable air.  Because of these conditions the deaths were ruled homicide.  It is a small but merciful distinction.   They most certainly were murdered.

Knitting Life

I am truly blessed to have a rich crafting life with friends and family who share similar interests.

Knitting started for me back in 1997 - before the current knitting craze took root in our society and the out shoots of spinning and weaving pulled me into their influence.  Almost 18 years ago - amazing.

My first sweater - that is large enough to fit two people.  Lesson learned about the value of  gauge swatch.
But this sweater will always be mine.  Comfortable, warm and will fit over absolutely anything
I have.  AND it is my first sweater, so it holds a special place in my heart.

Same pattern that I made for mom.
It fit mom perfectly.
I still have this sweater. It will always
be with me and it will be worn by me.  

I learned to knit as a reaction to a stress filled management job of 7 years.  Those years were filled with long days and long long weeks.  It got so crazy that it would take me 3 work days to prepare for vacation, and 3 vacations days to unwind from work.    Oh, most of that crazed life style was my own doing.  But you know it is bad when you are living and breathing a job - no hobbies, no reading for fun, friends and family time shrinking, lists upon lists of things to remember and do - all job related.

So it probably is no surprise that in 1997 it all came to a screeching halt.  I quit that job without having another job in place.  Oh, I was professional about it ... giving them four months notice, but I had an end date ... a light at the end of the tunnel ... and I was making my escape.  Thankfully I had a husband who understood.

And then I found knitting.

Actually I asked my husband about maybe taking a 7 week "learn to knit" class at my local yarn store and it was a pricey class.  He agreed with the statement, "Why not.  It is cheaper than therapy."  Hmm ... guess he saw that I was reaching critical mass in that job too.

A special picture of mom, my sister and I (L to R.).
And my sweater is the Central Park Hoodie - a
fun sweater to knit and wear.

And a knitter was born.  Knitting filled a need that nothing else could do.  It occupied my hands and mind in a meditative way - my soul needed that.  It had a beginning, middle and end - my type A personality needed that.  And it was a creative activity that produced with a beautiful item - well, maybe not beautiful the first year when my skill level was that of "rookie."  But from then on many lovely projects have emerged.

The start of my current shawl project with beads on the ends.

Knitting not only healed all the broken parts of me in those early years, but it sustained me during some of the hardest years of my life taking care of my mom.  I made several beautiful things for her during her time with me and she was buried in a shawl I made for her during the last year of her life.  It gives me comfort to know she is wrapped in something right now I made for her.

A cable and lace poncho I knitted for my daughter.
It was an great design starting at the bottom of the
poncho and decreasing your way up to the neck.

And now knitting is still giving.  This year I find myself at loose ends. Mom is gone.  My husband is becoming more or more disabled.  That "caregiver mantel" I so carefully set aside at my mom grave site is slowly and persistently finding it place back on my shoulders once again.  Knitting fills a void and allows some escape.  Nothing else is capable of keeping the edges of my life all glued together in a sane way like knitting - not even blogging.

Rigid Heddle Loom - a cozy kind of activity.
I enjoy the process and will do this again and again.
Just not right now - the knitting needles call.

I have been pulled into related crafts.  I can crochet, I do weave on occasion, and spinning fiber tugs at my desires now and then.   I love my looms, my spinning wheel and my spindles, but they will never replace my knitting needles.  Knitting is the activity my hands reach for when I need constancy, escape and peace.

A lace and bead shawl I made for my daughter that almost killed me with frustration.
I swore more during this project than any other in 17 years.
And I pledged I would never do anything life this again.

But the end result turned out beautiful I think.
And I decided in an absolute instant ...
I think I could knit something like this again.

Just like childbirth!!
Knitting can hurt like the devil and you swear "never again"
and then you forget and are just so pleased with the
object completed and you think ...
oh that wasn't so bad.
I think I could do this again!
Ha!

The knitting life for me!