Dodging snipers!

I am mid-week in waiting for my family to return from the beach - and my grand-dogs ... they will return too.

It is the silence, the quiet, the stillness of our house without the frequent visits of the grand-dogs that has been the most difficult.  I filled that void with sounds of the vacuum, the steam cleaner, the iPod, the TV, and when I could, I left the house to see friends, to run errands, to walk ... but sometimes I just enjoyed the quiet.

Now you should know that the house isn't totally void of living things  There are five of us here - three people and two cats - but all us are pretty darn quiet on our own!  My mom is 84 so she keeps a pretty low profile, and my husband is kind of a hermit - hermits are not party animals, and the pets are cats - their claim to fame is stealthy silence, quiet but deadly attacks on stuffed mice, and inscrutable staring.  The only one who is sometimes noisy is me, and I hadn't had my morning coffee yet.  So when I suddenly interrupted the silence early this morning with a VERY BIG NOISE, it was jarring.

As usual, I was up before everyone, doing my normal stuff, checking the thermostat for the outside temperature, getting the coffee ready, opening the blinds, setting out mom's dishes and cereal and pills, and opening up a window to let in the cool air.  Unfortunately I forgot to turn off the house alarm, so when I opened a window the mega-horn began to scream and scream and scream in big, big wailing noise - mega noise - made more startling because of the silence of the house over the last few days.  The sound jolted me ... swear words erupting from my mouth as I was running to the key pad to punch in the disarm code to shut down the alarm and stop that blasted horn.  And sometimes it takes several frantic tries at keying in the code before the system accepts it ... like today!!

And then the call from the alarm monitoring service checking to see if we were all right.  I am always embarrassed when they call, because we are "always all right".  When I answer the phone I want to say in a cool, collected manner:
  
     "Oh yes, I was just testing the system,
       we are good,
       just making sure that we hear from you guys if we have a problem,
       good job on calling us so fast.
       Ta-ta for now."

But being frazzled by the sound of that awful horn, the frustration of not getting the horn off sooner ... they get this honest and slightly frenetic response:

     "I am sooo sorry!!!
      Yes, yes, we are all right.

      Oh my God, that horn is so loud.
      You see I opened this window and ....
      Oh, no, please, don't call the police!!! I am still in my pajamas!!!
      Sorry, sorry, sorry.
      My name?  uh, give me a minute, oh yes, I am .... "
                                             (No coffee. Not at my best.)

And then the final embarrassment ... the one that lasts longer than the phone call ... after our two cats have been pealed off whatever ceiling they were clinging to, they walk around the house like they are trying to dodge snipers!!

I guess they heard the horn.

I will be glad when my two legged and four legged family members get home on Sunday and life returns to its normal noisy state.

Completely and forever ... 37 years ago.

Today is my son's birthday. He is 37!

I marvel that 37 years have passed so quickly, that I had a second child after his difficult birth, that I am old enough to be the mother of someone who is 37, and that I managed to create two such wonderful people as my son and daughter (well, I guess I didn't do it single-handedly but for purposes of this discussion - let's just say that I did!) Ok, ok, that was selfish. My kids are lucky enough to have a father who loves and cares for them for the whole of their lives, and a phenomenal extended family that provided the perfect cocoon to support and develop happy and healthy human beings.

But I can speak only for myself in commenting on parenthood.

I always knew I would be a mother! Always! It is interesting that some people have just the opposite understanding. Children are not part of their future, and unless an accident happens or they marry someone who feels strongly about having children, they do not reproduce. But for me ... always, always, always ... kids were part of my life's plan. And looking back over 37 years, I would do it all again.

What I couldn't understand in advance ... what no one can understand without walking this path, was how having a child changes your life completely and forever! Those 2 simple words just don't seem to really make the impact they should. "Completely ... Forever" Maybe if I bold, enlarge, italicize and capitalize all the letters.

COMPLETELY ... FOREVER!

No, that doesn't do it either. There are no words to express the change that floods over you when you are handed your newborn child. You know instantly that the focus of your life has just changed as dramatically and permanently as if you were physically lifted off the planet Earth and placed on Jupiter. I've heard it said that having a child is like having your heart beat outside your body. Those words come close to the experience of giving birth, raising and letting go of your child. And the "letting go" ... it is harder than the childbirth.

I'd like to think that my husband and I did everything right, and that is why we have such wonderful people as our kids. That would be a lie. Parents make mistakes. All parents! I remember a number of my own failings in parenting, and I am sure that my kids could name a some I forgot. Parents are humans and humans aren't perfect. I have always said that raising children is like walking through a mine field. Some of us make it without being blown up, and some of us don't.

Thank you God for letting my two kids make it to the other side in one piece.

And, son, I am so very proud of the man you have become. Happy Birthday!

Love you always - completely and forever,

Mom

PS - and yes, my baby girl, I love you always - completely and forever - too.

.

Knitting with friends.

I love Tuesdays. Every Tuesday I am amazed at how congenial our Knitting group is. This is a drop-in group that is open to all, but there are regulars who usually attend, and today we had 7 participants. Seven is a small group for us, as we usually 15 to 20. But since the group was small we had the most interesting conversations - a sharing of life experiences that made us the people that we are today. It was wonderful.

Happy One also brought her weave it blanket with her ... it is a blanket in development but oh so beautiful. The pictures show her working on the Weave It loom.

Tuesday is the best day of the week!

Espresso day

A view from my walk: A lovely path behind my house. With the winding path, it sort of looks like a greeting card!

Another wonderful day for a walk. It was overcast and cool, with the sun promised to burn off the cloud cover by noon. I walked for about 75 minutes this morning. As I walked the sun began to show itself. And that walk poured tons of energy into me.

Today was also graced by having coffee with one of my knitting friends. We met at Starbucks and the time seemed to pass so quickly I couldn't believe it was almost 2:30 when we parted. It is wonderful to develop a friendship from a common interest and then discover that our lives in many ways have been parallel, and as such, we instantly understood each other's life experiences and difficulties. It was a fun visit and I look forward to another in the future.

After lunch I dropped by a local store to purchase a new shower curtain. My afternoon was to be filled with vacuuming and dusting the upper level and a major cleaning of our master bath. Instead of cleaning our shower curtain, I decided to just pitch it and buy another. Somehow a new shower curtain makes the bathroom seem much cleaner. Actually, I would love to just pitch the whole dirty bathroom - and put in a new clean one, but I am sure I couldn't sell that idea to my husband - a shower curtain is cheap alternative.

By 5:30 pm I had finished my house cleaning for the day (more to-dos tomorrow) - and was able to take a shower in my clean bathroom. I hate cleaning bathrooms, but I love using a clean one.

I felt very energized from my walk this morning, so the rest of the day I just seemed to be brimming with energy. That morning walk is like a double shot of espresso. I remember 2 years ago the same thing happened. If I started the day with a 60-90 minute walk, the rest of the day was extremely productive. If I didn't do that walk early, I needed a nap in the afternoon. It is amazing how responsive my body is to exercise!!

Hope your Monday was just as full!

The To-Do List Game

Our windows were open last night, and I awoke at 5:30 am to the sound of rain outside. I enjoy that sound. But this morning I couldn't go back to sleep. I was restless like the way I get just before I travel. However, this time I wasn't me ... my kids were traveling. It seems that lately any little thing can disturb my sleep even if it doesn't directly impact me. I didn't go downstairs until 7:00 am as my daughter and Milo were sleeping in the living room, and I didn't want to disturb their sleep too - especially with such a busy day ahead of them. God keep them safe on this wet travel day ... actually keep all my family safe on this wet travel day.

Over the last few days I have developed quite a large to-do list of things I would like to get done this week. I promised myself that once the kids left I would stop adding to the list and only work on crossing things off it. The list has 39 things on it, and as usual, it is far more than I can get done in one week. Some things will take up a whole day and some are pretty short. But I am going to make a game out of it and see just how many things can be completed. Here are the rules:

• The week goes from Sunday the 12th (today) through Sunday the 19th.
• If I start a task and don't finish, but didn't anticipate finishing (like photo album work, or casting on Milo's sweater), then it counts as done for the week.
• If I start a task and don't finish, but did plan to finish (like walking 5-6 days this week - but only walk 4) then it isn't complete for the week.
• Fan-tab-u-lous Achievement would be marking off 33 or more items.
• Reward for Fan-tab-u-lous Achievement? No idea. Probably just feel good that I got so much done.

Let the game begin!

Walk Rx

Today no matter how I tried, my mood was unhappy! So after lunch I decided (no, forced) myself to take my walk. It was rainy and cool, and for half the walk I was wet from the knees down and from the neck up. I finally gave up trying to keep the hood up ... just threw it back and let my wet hair get wetter. Here are some of the pictures of my "Search for Fall".

Early tree changes

Even bushes can change to the most vibrant colors.

So do what do you see here? Look very close.

Can you see it now? The most perfect spider web. Without the rain and the right angle, it would have been invisible.

And, yes, I am good now. I could tell half way through the walk that I was doing better.

I am ready for the rest of the week.

Self Pity Week

I am beginning my "self pity" week.

This week my family is visiting the Outer Banks, North Carolina, something they have done for years. Here is one of many group pictures we take. Every year since 2008 I can't go! My sister and her family, my kids, my cousin, the grand-dogs ... they all abandon me this week, and I always feel a little stranded at home.

What is funny is that although I haven't been able to make this trip for a few years, the week didn't have an actual name until a few days ago. A friend and I were making plans to have coffee together. We hadn't seen much each other for a few months - she had been going through some difficult family losses. I shared my dilemma with her - the one week out of 52 that I get down, because it is beach week and I am not at the beach. And she said ... self pity. "Self Pity!". Yes, I said. That's it!! I could have kissed her, but we were talking by email, and even in person that might have been construed as strange. She said I could blog about it as long as I didn't wallow in it!

I love my friends!

This year, however, I am taking a different approach! Well ... actually, I want to take a different approach! I am going to focus on the free time I have, enjoy the fun things I can do, I am going to walk and walk and walk, and hope that time passes by quickly. I am also not going to watch all the ga-zillions of people outside who are walking their dogs. Last year I seriously considered walking up to a few strangers and paying them money to hand over their leashes so I could walk their dogs!! Would you hand your dog over to a stranger who has the look of someone seeking a fix (a "dog fix"), and who is handing out money so they can walk your dog?? And I am not going to flood my family with daily emails while they are on vacation - written as if the email was created by my grand dog, Meathead - who hates the beach and would prefer to stay home with his grandma that week. Each email I sent as Meathead to his papa got more and more desperate about missing his Grandmother. No! Not this year!! I am going to do it differently. I am going to walk and walk and walk. I am going to cope with this week in an adult fashion, stoically, with dignity and in the company of Johnny ... Johnny Walker, my brand of scotch.

PS - In defense of my family, I am always invited to go to the beach. I don't go because mom can't travel that far and doesn't desire to go anymore. Leaving her home is out of the question. And my husband (who hates the beach) doesn't drive anymore so leaving him stranded at home doesn't feel right either, and Max, our cat, needs his fluids every other day for kidney failure and that is a two person job without question (sometimes it feels like a 6 person job, but we couldn't fit that many people into our bathroom). So maybe "abandon" is a bit over-dramatic on my part.

Maybe the one who is doing the "leaving" is me.