Insanity is ...

"Insanity: 

doing the same thing over and over again

 and expecting different results."

  Albert Einstein

Oh, Albert, how true this statement is.

I do some of my best thinking on my walks.  I wonder if Mr. Einstein was a walker.

It occurred to me today as I walked that I am moving away from previous insanities.  That is not to say that my old habits were wrong or defective in some way.  No, it just means that methods I used previously never seemed to endure or make lasting improvements for me.  And yet I always fell back on using them when I was "starting over" in my quest to improve my health.  

It was a kind of insanity.

For example: In the past, I diligently recorded exercise statistics:  activities, frequency, repetitions, durations, etc.  It fit my nature to do this, and I assumed it kept me engaged in exercise.  Funny, but the "engaged" part never seemed to last as long as I wanted. 

Today while walking I reflected that I felt pretty good.  The distance, time and speed didn't really matter to me.  What counted was the feedback I was getting from my body that said:  "enjoying the walk, keep doing this till you are ready to stop, and then repeat again soon."  Right then I decided to stop record keeping on my calendar (my history of what I had done) and consider the activity as "money in the bank" for the future - improving my freedom of movement for longer into my aging with every step I took.  

The change of focus was the difference between looking behind at the past and seeing ahead into the future.

I realized the same was true for my stretching/yoga moves.  My body had some stiffness from yesterday's practice that I knew would be relieved by more practice.  In fact, I was eager to get those tiny improvements in flexibility later today ... "banking" those improvements so that my future flexibility would keep me moving and nibble. 

So I am leaving behind an insanity and hopefully finding a lifestyle.  

Only time will tell.

The only objective indicator I am using now is the step count on my FitBit.  The step count proves I am moving enough each day to avoid some of the bad things in life.  My goal is still 10,000 steps average per day.  Sometimes I get 10,000 steps through my walks, and sometimes I reach the goal through activities in the house.  No matter how I get them, it is movement!  And movement is one of those "magic pills of health" that everyone looks for but many refuse to recognize.  The FitBit and me are Buds!! 

Hope you approve, Mr. Einstein.

Fresh Air

I try to not get too excited.  Not too much anticipation.  No expectations, for sure.  But ...

It is the beginning of March

 and the sun is out

 and it is WARM!  

Ok, not entirely warm.  Mostly in the high 40s and low 50s, but really folks, for us that temperature is now blessedly warm.  I see people out in shorts and sweaters and I think ... spring has got to be here soon!

It has been a difficult winter for me.  I feel like I have been in hibernation through most of it.  Maybe it was a normal reaction ... a time to just be and to heal and to assess.  Maybe it was a kind of grieving time for what I lost.  The loss is larger than just the death of my mother, but that is a topic for another time.  But I can't help wondering ... would I have hibernated like this if her death happened in summer?  Was her death the straw that finally broke the camel's back - so to speak?  Was my reaction timed more to the seasons than by life events?  Questions that I have pondered in my quiet times.  Answers that don't really need to be discovered.

I have always loved winter, but this winter has been so very cold and dark and snowy.  There is a ton of salt all over our environment to combat the ice - glad for the chemical melting, I guess, but the salt that is left behind clouds everything with a gray with film.

Yes, this winter was one to forget.

Official spring is just weeks away.  And I for one cannot wait.  Our whole world needs a good bath of spring rain to wash away winter.  We need the warmth to wake up the plants and melt away the snow FINALLY.  I greatly desire to pack away my shovels and boots.  I need to be able to step outside and take deep breaths of fresh air without risking frozen lungs.

Yes, I am ready ready ready for spring.

This spring holds many promises of fun things.  Two cousins weekends are planned: one in Pennsylvania soon and one at my house in May for The Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival - "high holy days" for us fiber obsessed folks.  Time with cousins always pumps up my joy of living.

My house is undergoing a reorganization and decluttering - a sure sign that I am waking out of slumber.  After 2 days of house focused activity, I feel lighter already!! I can't wait to finally open the windows and fill my lighter space with fresh air.

This spring I celebrate 68 years on this earth.  Each birthday is a gratitude-inducing event now-a-days.  Many people don't make it this far in life.  I have seen the road ahead of me through my mother's own aging. It was an up close and personal journey.  Today, however, I am healthy and blessed in so many ways.  My birthdays always remind me of that fact. My new motto is to keep focused on today and let tomorrow take care of itself.  A time to rejoice for sure.

AND I can finally get outside and walk and walk and walk.  My FitBit friends ... look out.  I am going to pass you in the Leaderboard!  No need to fear icy patches, snow filled sidewalks and frost bitten noses.  Time to get these nearly 68 year old bones moving - time to stretch out these muscles and make the focus about me! (Me in the lead on the FitBit Leaderboard, of course.)  :-)

Yes, this spring holds many wonderful promises.

So everyone, now it is time for a deep breath of fresh air!!

So what are your spring plans like?

PS - if you are a FitBit user and want to be Friends at the online website ... just send me an email.  I would love to keep everyone moving along with me.

Slaying dragons

I know I took another blog break.  Shorter this time.  Not planned.  Not intended.  But still a quiet time in my blogging life.

But a small evolution seems to be happening.  Not yet sure yet where it is heading.  But interesting to watch all the same.

I have always been driven by structure and goals and lists and to-dos.  Always ... my whole life.  I don't remember anything different.  Now all that seems so unimportant.

I spend a lot of time thinking.  I may start out reading or playing a video game or knitting or weaving, but I find myself unexpectedly looking out the window ... thinking.  I look down to what is in my hands and see that I did one row of knitting 30 minutes ago and then stopped.  The day comes to an end and nothing observable has been accomplished.  The to-do list has the same items on it as it did 3 days ago.  Wow, that is so not me!

Oh, meals get made and doctor appointments are attended and time with friends happens ... and there are days of continuous activity where house cleaning and decluttering gets done - like today.  But mostly ... if my butt hits the couch, major parts of my day seem to drift out of focus with little to show for it ... except for thinking.

It is like I sit in someone else's body - and the "real me" is off slaying dragons somewhere.

I can't help but wonder if the real me is changing.

The real me, who kept putting one foot in front of the other while juggling several balls in the air and swinging a figurative sword at anyone who got in her way ... and chewing gum at the same time ... for 8 years of caregiving, that "real me" feels like a stranger.

I am beginning to think that slaying dragons is for other folks now.



I think ...

... I think I like the new me.