New Year's Eve Reflection - 2017

I like to look back at the previous year - to check out all the shiny parts and the warts - and then file those memories away and start the next year new.

Before I began this post - I checked back on my reflection of 2016 and I summed up the year by answering 20 questions.  It was fun.  This year feels different so I am going to use a few emojis.

😱. In January we got a new President.  *sigh*  I try to avoid political topics in my blog.  But a face 'screaming in fear' seemed to be the only emoji that seemed to sum up my reaction to Trump as our President.  And as of December 31, 2017 - this man has done nothing in his first year in office to change my mind.  Screaming fear of what he will do to our country and our future haunts me.  I thank God in my prayers that our founding fathers had the good sense to create 3 branches of government - to act as checks and balances for 'mistakes' - for he truly is a mistake, one that we must survive  ... hopefully.

😌. In April I turned 70!  I thought a 'relieved' face seemed the best choice for that birthday.  Although I still have problems with the size of that number ... I am pleased to have reach it and I hope for many more years in this life.  You only get to go around once - so I am relieved to have reached 70 and I want to complete the circle and not get cut short.

😞. In May I awoke one morning to a sore swollen knee.  I had problems with this knee in 2013 - and it resolved with PT - but not this time.  Eight weeks of PT and I still walked with a cane.  I think 'sad' face fits this extended event that ate up my summer.

😿. In June our dear dear Max died.  Max was one of two cats, brothers actually.  For 9 years of his life we treated him for degenerative kidney disease with fluids to flush his kidneys.  At age 11 he lost his battle with that disease, but he was a bit of a success story - as most cats don't last that long.  It never is easy to say goodbye.  We miss him still.  However his brother, Wally, seems to have come out of his shell and is an entirely different cat ... friendly, outgoing, enjoying life completely.  Go figure.  Guess they weren't as close as we thought.

💝. In July my son and his wife announced they were expecting a child.  HOLY COW!  I am going to be a grandmother!  Me!  I had given up that hope a while back.  A heart wrapped in a bow seemed to sum up this wondrous news.  And it is still a bit unbelievable to me, despite the fact my daughter-in-law is clearly growing another person inside her body.  February can't come fast enough for us.

😡.  In September, after 8 weeks of PT - with minimal improvement - an MRI revealed that the left knee had a miniscus tear and could only be fixed with surgery.  In some ways it felt like I had wasted my summer and that was frustrating.  But now I had a real diagnosis, so taking a positive action to fix the problem - well - it changed my angry face into 😐 - neutral face!  Get the darn thing fixed!

😁. In October and November I was back in PT and improving.  But the beauty of recovery was that I now had time to knit and knit and knit - to my heart's content.  And I finished a large number of projects.  During that time I realized that despite my sampling of other related crafts (weaving and spinning) over the years, knitting continues to be my true love.  💗💖💟💖. Without knitting I would be lost.  My knee might not be fully functional, but my hands are fine - I can knit!

💪. In December I was discharged from PT.  I am better, but not perfect.  I am working towards perfect - and both the doctor and the therapist said it might take a year.  In the meantime, I am doing my exercises,  going to the gym and joining an exercise class in January.  When this knee finally starts feeling like the other knee, all the other parts of my body will be up to speed as well.

That was my 2017!  Highs and lows.  Normal really.  I will say that after this year - I understand better what physical set backs do to a senior citizen.  This knee repair was minor, but it set me back more than I care to admit, and the struggle to regain what was lost just takes more time at this age.

I have often started and stopped exercise programs over the years.  This time the seeds that I have planted in 2017 to improve my health I will continue to cultivate in 2018.  Now I don't feel I have a choice - not if I want to continue to live a normal life!

Goodbye 2017!

I learned a few lessons from you this year.

Who knows what 2018 will teach me.

💞

Renew Our Edges

I need to spend more time reading Mark Twain's words.
Every quote I read rings bells in my brain.

An amazing individual.

This one seems particularly timely at my point in life.

Mark Twain in New Hampshire, 1905
The New York Times Photo Archives

Mark Twain

"In America, we hurry--which is well; but when the day's work is done, we go on thinking of losses and gains, we plan for the morrow, we even carry our business cares to bed with us, and toss and worry over them when we ought to be restoring our racked bodies and brains with sleep. We burn up our energies with these excitements, and either die early or drop into a lean and mean old age at a time of life which they call a man's prime in Europe. When an acre of ground has produced long and well, we let it lie fallow and rest for a season; we take no man clear across the continent in the same coach he started in--the coach is stabled somewhere on the plains and its heated machinery allowed to cool for a few days; when a razor has seen long service and refuses to hold an edge, the barber lays it away for a few weeks, and the edge comes back of its own accord. We bestow thoughtful care upon inanimate objects, but none upon ourselves. What a robust people, what a nation of thinkers we might be, if we would only lay ourselves on the shelf occasionally and renew our edges!" - The Innocents Abroad

Write 30 Interesting Facts About Yourself

I made another visit to Paula's Place and she is in Day 6 of a blog fest - each day she covers a different topic and each one is entirely different.  Today's assignment was to write 30 interesting facts about yourself.

I am game!  Here goes ...

1. When I was younger I wanted to be an actress.  
2. I had the female lead in my high school play.
3. I didn't know what I wanted to do after college - so I chose teaching. 
4. I was a fair teacher of children by my standards. Great teachers are not made from people who wanted to be actresses.
5. If I had the chance in another life to choose a profession, I would teach college level students or be an actress (or a Cow Boy or an Indian Chief.)
6. I always wanted to be a mother.  Thank God I got to do that.
7. I have a talent for leadership - I always wound up being in charge.
8. I hate being in charge.
9. I have an undeveloped talent for Art - I hope God isn't too unhappy that I ignored that gift.
10. My favorite TV show is Dancing With the Stars.
11. I like a clean and orderly house.
12. I hate to clean.
13. I never had the chance to live on my own. Left my parents' house to get married.
14. I have no tolerance for ditherers.  Make a decision, move forward.  If it is wrong,  make another decision.  It is not rocket-science!
15. I am bad at forgiveness and I never forget.  Some hurts cut too deep.
16. Crap, this is becoming less fun and more like work!!  Just like most everything I have done in my life!
17. I am an evening snacker.  I sleep better with a small snack right before bed.
18. I have a weakness for animals, children and the elderly. 
19. I have been married once.  Once will be enough.
20. I love being alone. I don't get to do that very often.
21. I love the beach.
22. I love the mountains.
23. I love hiking - don't get to do that any more - as my hiking buddy (husband) can't see very well.
24. I love a great big thundery, windy, rain storm.
25. I am wild about snow storms - 2 feet or more is heaven. 
26. My favorite season is winter.
27. I had cataracts in both eyes repaired in my early 50s - early onset cataracts inherited from my father.  To this day I still marvel at the clarity of my repaired vision.  I remember how poor it was before.  I truly appreciate the gift of sight.
28. I hate my neck and chin area.  If I was ever inclined to have something fixed, that would be it.
29. There is nothing I hate more than throwing up! Oh, I abhor snakes.  I guess snakes are worse than throwing up.
30. I love silence!

Done!  Don't know how many of these were "interesting" but at least I got to 30 (I had doubts!).

In 10 years ...

I recently discovered a blog called Paula's Place.  I enjoy following her posts as her current life  somewhat mirrors some of my past and current experiences.  She is a caregiver for her husband who is now in hospice.  I encourage you to visit Paula's blog and say Retire Knitter sent you!! :-)

She offers readers a chance to share thoughts about how you see yourself 10 years into the future.  Other participants can be found at the above blog link.

Myself ... in 10 years

Gosh!  At first I didn't want to do this.

I thought,

"Ten years in the future??  I don't know if that is a good idea.

  Ten years into the past I would never have imagined I was doing what I am today.

  My life looks nothing like I planned.  The future is so uncertain.

  Why set myself up for disappointment, wishing for things to be

 how your rose-colored glasses imagine when life has other plans for you?"

Then my old "goal-centered-self" shook a finger at my "curmudgeon-self" and thought,

"You silly person, sure life is uncertain,

 but you set up this blog thinking about how you wanted to live the next 20 years of your life.

 Maybe you should re-focus, maybe you should look at those goals again,

 maybe, just maybe, 

you can pick goals that you are certain you can attain - that are in your control."

So here I go ...

10 years from now ....

Stuff I have some control over.

• I will be 76! *gulp* (But on the bright side - I plan to be alive!)
• I will look in the mirror and see only the marks on my face of a wonderful life.  (If I can't do that, I won't look in the mirror.)
• I will be happy. (No one controls this but me.)
• I will be healthy. (I am the main contributor to this.)
• I will be active. (I will be active, I will be active, I will be active, I will be active ...)
• I will be financially independent. (Fingers crossed)
• I will look at my blessings, not my limitations. (hmmm .... tattooed on my forehead.)
• I will still be knitting, weaving, reading, and enjoying friends and family. (Otherwise I won't be breathing - and I will be at Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival yearly until I am not breathing! Maybe even when I am not breathing I can get someone to take my ashes there!) 
• I will be living in a much smaller place with less stuff.  (Amen!!!)
• I will live in the moment - not yesterday, not tomorrow, but today! (Another tattoo)

Stuff I don't have control over.

• I will celebrate my 54th Wedding Anniversary!  (I won't be alive by myself!!)
• My husband will still have enough vision left to enjoy life.  (Prayers for that please.)
• I will have my family members close by.
• I will have healed from losses of loved ones that I know are in my future. (deep breath)

And the BIGGEST goal of all will be at 76 to look another 10 years into the future at 86 and and say, 

"Ha!  Age is just a number

  and I will celebrate each anniversary of my birth

 like I did at age 6

 with enthusiasm and zest

 ... and a big piece of buttery vanilla cake

with a big fat sugary red rose right on top!!!"

10 Years - Then and Now

Have you ever looked back to the person you were 10 years ago and pondered,

"Wow, who the heck was that person?"  

• I was 56 and didn't like it. Aging was a negative thing. 
• My retirement was planned to be travel, crafts, friendships, and fun.
• I was more interested in pleasing everyone - keeping the peace, putting other's needs first, submerging my opinions and ideas to those offered by others.
• I was a "yes" person - without regard to the impact it would have on me and the quality of my life.  
• I was a working full time professional with respect, higher income and responsibility ... at the cost of my personal time and my family's needs.  
• I was not a caregiver. My inner voice believed that mom would age gracefully and remain independent keeping both her mental and physical status in tack.
• I loved my townhouse even then and didn't desire a bigger and bigger home.
• My body and mind were sound - I assumed only the best in the future.
• "Today" was only a path to the "future:"  things to buy, future vacations to take, to-do lists to manage.  I never seemed to think "in the present!

 10 years has changed my perspective:

• 66 is pretty darn young!  I like 66 a whole lot!!!  It is as young as I am ever going to be. Aging is my reward for not dying!
• My retirement is filled with friends and some pretty good stuff  - but travel isn't one of them.  In fact, even day trips are problematical due to disabilities.
• "Doing more" is highly overrated!  Less is better.  I enjoy the present more when less is on my plate.
• My working life is history. My personal life is my focus. Thankfully not too much damage was done by my obsession with work in the past.
• With the exception of my mom, I am less interested in pleasing anyone.  Sounds stunningly selfish, I know, but healthier for me. No one looks out for me, better than me.  
• "No" is a good word, if I am over committed, not interest and/or "just don't wanna."  
• I am my mom's caregiver.  Her decline and loss of independence is the hardest thing I have ever watched.  
• I still love my townhouse.  Fewer stairs and less space would be nice, but nothing is perfect.
• My body?  In my 60s I got a more realistic view of the nature of the human body - what it can do, how long it is meant to last, and how much work it takes to keep it up.   I don't assume it will last forever and I accept the fact it will look different.
• Today, this minute, is the most important time! It is all I can count on. 

What a difference 10 years can make!

 I don't think any other 10 years in my life have taught me so much.

I can hardly wait to see what my perspective is in 10 more years.

I am glad the person of 10 years ago is gone. 

 Whatever was she thinking?
Maybe she was thinking this ...

Illusive Time and Sorrow

Time has a way of passing quietly and quickly.  I know I have the same amount of time each day that I always have, but the end result during this season is always the same ... not enough time, too much to do, no time to focus on what is important..

My walks have been short and infrequent ... a fact that was frustrating me.  One walk this month the fog of the afternoon was heavy. But the beauty of the fog provided a gentle and peaceful atmosphere.  A lovely personal space in a busy day.

My thoughts focused on slowing of life, enjoying the moment, simplifying the frantic noise of too much in too little time.  My pace was more of a stroll.  I visited the water's edge frequently to listen to the silence. Somehow the time spent thinking seemed more important than how many steps I was taking or how quickly I made it around the lake.

Life goes on.

Then the inconceivable happened.  The violent slaughter of innocent children.  Newtown, Connecticut sounds like a quaint New England town where only good things happen.  A town that is a peaceful as the lake pictured above ... and yet this month, it was a horror - worse than any hurricane or earthquake.

My thoughts were in a turmoil once again ... sorrow for the families and this town, and sorry for us as a society.  Somehow these children who lived hundreds of miles away from my town ... these children felt like our children, my children.  Words were useless.  Actions ineffective.  Disillusion that anything could change this now or in the future.

And then I heard on TV that Newtown has been flooded with requests for a town address.  Citizens around the country were seeking a way to send personal messages to the members of this town, our town, to let them know of the sorrow that we all share with them.

I am not sending Christmas cards this year, but I will be sending a note to this town, our town, so that they know - "You are not alone.  We are in deep sorrow with you.  We are all citizens of Newtown this day."

If you care to send condolences to our neighbors in Newtown, follow the link below to get more information.  The address is listed below.

Peace my dear blog friends.  

Slow down your time by not rushing the days.

Don't fret about what doesn't get done.

Love your family and your friends.

Take time to enjoy the moments of your life.

You never know

 how many moments you have left. 

Link

Condolences to Newtown Connecticut
PO Box 3700,
Newtown, Connecticut 06470.