Mark Twain

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do ...
Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain

Tuesday, August 2, 2022

Struggling ...

Ok, so I have been off the grid - again - not only off my blog but missing most of the posts of my blog friends.  Not good.

Some of my personal disconnect has been related to a family issue.  A close family member has been very ill and waiting on a double organ transplant list for 2 years - not a topic I figured to cover here.  She got that transplant this summer (thankfully) and is slowly improving.  I don’t think I accurately calculated the personal impact of that situation.  It was a gnawing worry for quite some time that I underestimated and which finally came to a head.  She is now on the other side of that surgery - healing at an amazing rate and adjusting to the new demands on her life. We are a small family and loss of a family member is rare, so this whole transplant journey has been a tough road for all.  I spent much of those 2 years hoping for a miracle rather than the “fix” with a scalpel - a fix that appeared to be the only way to save her life.  At times the whole saga felt like a train speeding down the track with no way to stop - speeding to the end of cliff and when the tracks disappeared, you either crashed down the mountain or your train sprouted wings at the last minute and you could fly. 

Sometimes I need to remember to breathe deep - and remember - she is flying now!

I have also been struggling with the idea of maybe not blogging.  I seem to have lost my mojo for this writing activity.  I still visit some blogs and comment on a few, but not enough to be really engaged. And I hate that because I have been blogging since 2009!  When I tackle the thought of stopping, I always come to the same conclusion ... How can I give it up!  And I drift back again.  Not sure if I am drifting back yet.

In the midst of my worries, I have also managed to be a bit of ADD personality - (Attention Deficit Disease) in my crafting life.   Jumping on the band wagon for a lot of stuff and accomplishing very little.  I have done this before and have come to the conclusion that I use that ADD behavior as a form of distraction from what is really weighing on me.  I then get a bit depressed and default to just sitting in my chair and knitting.  Ahh, knitting.  The thread that holds my life together no matter what is going on.  

Anyway, that is where I am right now.  Not really gone and not really here either.

Thanks for checking in.  

PS: If you aren’t an organ donor, please consider it.  I am an organ donor.  I figure once I am done with this body, if there is anything of me that could save a life - it is theirs.  Being on the receiving end as our family has been - there is no greater gift you can give!


Leigh said...

So good to hear from you. I'm glad your family member has received her transplant and is recovering so well. Two years of waiting is a long time, and it's hard not to worry about things like that.

I think we all struggle with long-term blogging. It's hard to keep a steady stream of enthusiasm for it. Well, for many things really. Add to that one's "other" life, and it can be a real challenge. But we'll always be here. At least from time to time.

Marie Smith said...

Welcome back.

It must be such a relief for your loved one to have received the transplant. It sounds like it will take you some time to come down from the two years stress of waiting and worry associated with it. I hope as your loved one gains strength, you will gain peace of mind you haven’t had in a long time.

Take care!

Wendy said...

Good to see you here and glad that your family member was fortunate enough to get the transplant needed and is healing well. These operations are not always plain sailing and of course the health issues don't just stop once the transplant is done. I am definitely on the organ register. I think it should be that you have to opt out rather than opt in but I'm not sure that will happen anytime soon.
I know where you're coming from on the blogging front. I did really well in April because I did a daily challenge but since then I've been very hit and miss. I think many of us go through these phases. I hope you get your mojo back soon but in the meantime keep knitting!

happyone said...

Will be praying that your family member continues to improve.

I am a donor but don't know what anyone would want from an old lady. :)

I have seen so many people come and go in the blogging world!! Hope you won't be one of them. :)

Michelle said...

So good to see a post from you, Elaine. A needed and successful transplant; almost a unicorn! So glad it happened to YOUR loved one. Wish you'd show your knitting; I need inspiration to caste on and USE this yarn I'm spinning!

Becki said...

You describe so well the process I imagine to feel impossible - waiting on an organ transplant. I'm so glad your loved one is on the other side of that ordeal. I sometimes waffle over whether to continue blogging or not. And then I come up with a new challenge for myself. Check it out, if you're so inclined. I have found that having period challenges really infuses me with a desire to write again (or at least post something). I love connecting with people around the world through blogging. Okay, maybe mostly people in the U.S., Canada, and the UK), but still... That, I think is what I would most miss if I gave it up.

Sandy said...

So wonderful to see you post again. Goodness you've had a lot going on, but it sounds like everything is on the upswing now, thank goodness. Glad you have your knitting to help keep you sane. I know it helped me alot when my Mother was dying years ago. ((HUGS)). Hope to see more of you. I must look back and see how long I've been blogging, but before blogging here on Blogspot, there was msn, aol, and a few other platforms, so I know it's been a LONG time.

M.K. said...

Hello, Elaine! I understand about the blogging issue. Some friends have stopped blogging. Some limp along like me and you. Others seem to still use it to really express their many thoughts. I also had a handful of family/health crises in the past few years, and I think that slowed my blogging to a crawl. They were issues I did not want to talk about on the blog, but talking about anything else seems rather false and fluffy.
But I keep going, sometimes only once a month. I view it as my personal archive, and an archive is something that is preserved, right? Plus, the little blogging community wants to see that you are okay :)
Knitting is always a comfort. Show us what you're knitting! I've started felting my knitting, and that's a tricky adventure!

Beatrice P. Boyd said...

Welcome back, Elaine, and thank you for sharing what has been going on in your life and your concern for your family member. It was good to read that she is doing well after surgery and hope all continues to go well. Sharing the things in our life is what makes it easier sometimes.

Your thoughts about whether to stop blogging or continue seem to affect many others. Like yourself, I have also considered starting over, but also like yourself would not want to “lose” the past posts. Perhaps just starting a second blog would be an alternative and one I have also considered. My current posts are less often than years ago, when my husband also posted and we did so almost daily. Now, it’s 2-3 times a week for myself as he rarely posts.

Thanks for your recent visit and comment, much appreciated.

Cynthia said...

I imagine your family member waited a long and nerve-wracking time for their transplant. I wish them all the best in their recovery. What a relief for you, too. Now your life can move forward without that dark cloud hanging over. I’ve backed off from blogging too, partly because of frustrating issues with Blogger, partly from not having much of interest to blog about when the weather gets so hot and humid and I can’t be outside doing the things I like to blog about. Anyway, I’m glad you are back and look forward to hearing about what you are up to. Take care!