Ok, so I have been off the grid - again - not only off my blog but missing most of the posts of my blog friends. Not good.
Some of my personal disconnect has been related to a family issue. A close family member has been very ill and waiting on a double organ transplant list for 2 years - not a topic I figured to cover here. She got that transplant this summer (thankfully) and is slowly improving. I don’t think I accurately calculated the personal impact of that situation. It was a gnawing worry for quite some time that I underestimated and which finally came to a head. She is now on the other side of that surgery - healing at an amazing rate and adjusting to the new demands on her life. We are a small family and loss of a family member is rare, so this whole transplant journey has been a tough road for all. I spent much of those 2 years hoping for a miracle rather than the “fix” with a scalpel - a fix that appeared to be the only way to save her life. At times the whole saga felt like a train speeding down the track with no way to stop - speeding to the end of cliff and when the tracks disappeared, you either crashed down the mountain or your train sprouted wings at the last minute and you could fly.
Sometimes I need to remember to breathe deep - and remember - she is flying now!
I have also been struggling with the idea of maybe not blogging. I seem to have lost my mojo for this writing activity. I still visit some blogs and comment on a few, but not enough to be really engaged. And I hate that because I have been blogging since 2009! When I tackle the thought of stopping, I always come to the same conclusion ... How can I give it up! And I drift back again. Not sure if I am drifting back yet.
In the midst of my worries, I have also managed to be a bit of ADD personality - (Attention Deficit Disease) in my crafting life. Jumping on the band wagon for a lot of stuff and accomplishing very little. I have done this before and have come to the conclusion that I use that ADD behavior as a form of distraction from what is really weighing on me. I then get a bit depressed and default to just sitting in my chair and knitting. Ahh, knitting. The thread that holds my life together no matter what is going on.
Anyway, that is where I am right now. Not really gone and not really here either.
Thanks for checking in.
PS: If you aren’t an organ donor, please consider it. I am an organ donor. I figure once I am done with this body, if there is anything of me that could save a life - it is theirs. Being on the receiving end as our family has been - there is no greater gift you can give!