Test Cases

Since the beginning of May there have been 3 occasions - 3 times when I had to be in public on my own coping with this knee. Looking back, they were like “test cases."

The first test occasion was the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival at the beginning of May.  In that effort I was on a cane.  I headed home one hour after I arrived because I wasn’t confident my knee would hold up.  Soon after in the days following I was on a walker.   Small panic feelings started to build in me.  I tried to keep those emotions out of sight around others, but my pain grew and my world shrunk.

A month later the gel shots began.  Within the first week, hope was back on my radar. After the second shot, it seemed possible I could eventually move away from a cane and walker. In fact, after the second shot, I could move about the condo with no aids most of the time.  It was a stiff halting gait but it was possible.

Ok, then.  Progress.

The second test occasion was last weekend when I visited with my daughter at her house.  Without intending to "test the waters" of my minimal recovery, I decided to stop at a Trader Joes to pick up a bouquet of flowers for her birthday.  Before getting out of the car, I remember sitting for a bit trying to decide should I use the walker or only the cane.  I’d been doing well at home so I picked the cane.  By the time I crossed the parking lot and got on the side walk, I realized I had picked wrong!  The parking lot was on a slope.  The side walk was a bit uneven. There were a LOT of people moving swiftly about me with the shopping carts and kids and bags ... it seemed too much for me to get around.  My knee was not particularly painful (the good news), but my balance was clearly not up to the task of using only a cane in this busy uneven environment (the bad news).  And I was alone - no back up.   I was,`however, already committed to this choice.  Returning to the car for the walker would add many more steps, and I had already learned that “less is sometimes more” when it comes to just how many steps I could take before limiting knee pain might appear. I continued forward focusing mostly on avoiding people so I wasn’t accidentally nudged by someone causing me to fall.  Falling seems like my biggest risk now.  While I made it back to my car without incident (but with the flowers), I was shook by the 15 minute experience.   

I worried that my balance and stamina were lacking more than I was willing to admit.  I felt so uneasy. And unease replaced confidence.  I hated that feeling. 

Today was my third gel shot. It was also my third test case.

Because I was not willing to accept the first 2 tests attempts as “forever” results, I left my walker home. (A bold move, I thought, as I started up the car to leave for my appointment.)  I only brought a cane with me.  At the doctor’s parking lot and sidewalks, the surfaces were flat and even.  There were no crowds to maneuver around.  I wasn’t in anyone’s way so I could take my time.  I made it home with no crisis in confidence.  

So ... while I have to stay at rest for the next 2 days after this 3rd shot - I need to increase my general movement going forward (even if that is only walking around the condo more).  I am definitely not moving enough.  

Before I left, the ortho doc he said this last shot should reach its maximum effectiveness in about 10 days.  “If you find yourself in bad pain at that time, call the office."

In 10 days?  Bad pain?  Guess there is no real magic cure out there - even a temporary one!   

Fingers crossed that he purposely sets expectations low.