A blog born out of struggle and love!

Have you ever looked back at your first posts in your blog? 

Maybe discover why you started a blog?  

Possibility remembered things you forgot? 

I did.  It was interesting.

Start Date: July 20, 2010 - 15 years ago. 

 
Blog Title:  How did I come up with a 20 year title?  I suspect in my brain I thought 20 years was a time far, far in the future! hmm ... In 5 years I will have reached that mysterious 20 years.  Not so far in the future at all!!  Then what!

Retired in 2007:  Wow, in 2027 I will be retired 20 years! I need to send that financial guy a thank you note.  He made it possible to have such a long retirement.

My writing style hasn’t changed in 15 years.   Is that good or bad?

My focus: 20 goals - 20 of them!  Good Grief! Who has time for 20!!  Youth and energy were still mine in my late 50s. I also didn’t finish that list.  Ran out of steam I think.   Now I have 1 goal.  Take a 30 minute walk outside safely without a walker or cane (notice I didn’t say things like ... without pain, or without getting winded, or without having a heart attack). 

 I was not truthful back then why I started a blog and I remember very clearly why I started it.  And it wasn’t for goal tracking or a diary or to run off at the mouth (which I do a lot 😀 in case you haven’t noticed ) ...  No - it took me 1 year of writing about every little unimportant  thing until I cracked.  You see, unconsciously, I created the blog as a secret pressure valve to release relieve the stress that was building in my pressure cooker life. 

My mom and her dementia! 

On August 15, 2011 - it all began to spill out of me!  My first blog post on her called Through My Care Giver Eyes appeared. You can find that post here.   I continued to create a series of these posts from 2011 until her death in December 2014.  

At the start I turned off the comments on these specific posts.  I needed to document this experience somewhere and I wasn’t looking for feedback.  My readers, however, weren’t deterred.  They by passed the blog and sent comments to my email address.  And they were so supportive and caring.  They encouraged me to allow comments.  So I did! It was the best advice I ever received. 

The pressure valve was working. 

Now as an elder person myself, it is not the struggles and pain I see in these posts (although it is definitely there), but the golden opportunity I had to spend quality time with my mom at the end of her life.  I don’t regret one single second of it.  I shed some tears reading some of these posts.  It is true what they say - grief doesn’t leave us after the death of a loved one - no matter how many years pass.  We just learn to live with it.

Mom in Assisted Living with the Easter Bunny!!

I am glad to have the opportunity to remember her through my writings and pictures. Now as I walk (slowly, very slowly walk) in her shoes, I wish I could have just 15 minutes with her now - to apologize for my mistakes during our time together (and believe me, there were quite a few), and to thank her for all the years of my growing up when she juggled life with her alcoholic husband and raising 2 daughters.  She knew I loved her, but I am not sure she knew how grateful I was in making sure my sister and I turned out as normal productive adults.  My dad with his addiction really did not have a hand in that - it was all mom!

The pictures below are from a very happy time.  The wedding of my son.  I am so so happy mom was alive and mobile enough to participate.  

Mom arriving for her grandson’s wedding.

My son, Matt, my mother and daughter-in-law, Maureen.

Mom with all 4 of her grandchildren - Robin, Jessica (my sister’s daughters) and Kristin, Matthew (my kids)

My sister and I with mom.

Mom at my son’s wedding.

My mom - happier times.