Z - is for zzzzz's

Sleep is becoming a moving target for me.

Maybe I am getting older. Maybe I am just stressed. Maybe I just need less sleep. Hard to know, but sleep ... at night, can be a hard thing to achieve. And sleep during the day (a.k.a. nap) is impossible.

I am a bit of a control freak! Sleep cannot be controlled. I can't will myself to go to sleep. I can't just determine that at 10:00 pm, I will be asleep and I will stay asleep till morning. This sleep issue can be a really a problem for a control freak!

Maybe it is a problem for control freaks because sleep is about letting go, relaxing and accepting the idleness of rest as an important goal for health!

But it somehow seems fitting that my last post in the A to Z Challenge should be about "letting go" and rest ... sleep ... zzzzzz's. It is fitting because as focused as I was on completing this challenge on time and ahead of the pack ... life sent me a curve ball that even my control freak nature couldn't overcome. I was forced to let go ... finish last ...

And I am OK with that! I have loved this challenge. I will miss it. I am already preparing topics for the next one ... but for now ... I need to ....

zzzzzzzz!

Done!

Y - is for Yarn

(Posted on May 1, for April 29, 2011 - A to Z)

It would be a sacrilege for a knitter like me to blog about something else other than

Yarn - for the letter Y.

Yarn to the knitter is like:

• Blood to your body
• Flour to bread
• Candy to Halloween

I do knit with yarn, do make sweaters and socks and hats and scarves, but over the years I have had to create another description for myself because "knitter" doesn't really capture the scope of my yarn stash. I am now a "collector" of yarn. You see, my current "stash" (a knitter's term for yarn they own, but have not knit up), my current stash is more of a collection in size and diversity. I enjoy knitting, but I also enjoy the ownership. I love being able to go down to my basement and "shop" in my own "yarn store", where nothing is for sale, where I am the only customer, where I don't have to wait for a sale.

I won't outlive all my current yarn stash. I once figured out that knitting 5,000 yards a year, I could knit for 23 years without purchasing yarn. And at that time I was appalled! Ridiculous to have so much yarn, I thought! Maybe I should get professional help to curb my desire to acquire more??

Nah! That was one stupid idea and I dismissed quickly.

Now it is a collection. I am happy and proud to have it. I love every skein. I am a yarn collector.

So much better a term than

"Yarn Horder"!!

:-)

X - is for the spot - X marks it.

(Posted on May 1 for April 28, 2011 - A to Z)

So the letter X was a bit of a challenge. For days all I could think of was "X marks the spot". I resisted but finally decided, why not!!

I googled "X Marks the Spot" and discovered a meaning and origin I never knew for this phrase. When I used this phrase, I always thought a pirate map with a big X marking the location of treasure. And that is one of its meanings. But it has a more dismal origin.

According to online Urban Dictionary it says:

1. What is said upon finding your target has been marked out.
2. Derived from an X on pirate treasure maps.
3. The phrase was put into common usage by the British army, who performed executions by marking a piece of paper with a black X and positioning it on the heart of someone sentenced to death. The acting officer would say "X marks the spot" and the firing squad would shoot the X.

Yikes! I don't know about you, but #3 gave me pause. A colorful cartoony pirate map always came to mind when I said those words. Not now.

Doesn't it make you wonder the origins of other commonly used phrases? Curiosity might make you check, but a darker discovery might make it far less fun.

W - is for Walk the Talk

(Posted May 1 for April 26, 2011 A to Z)

I am a big believer in "Walk the Talk".

Actions speak louder than words.

Put your money where your mouth is.

Being a full time care giver for a declining elderly person is really a test of that idea. It is alot like raising a child (which I did twice), but raising children moves forward, builds, matures and creates an independent being. Care giving of an elderly person moves in the opposite direction. Backward steps occur frequently, forward progress (like in rehab), never return someone who is 85 to their previous level of function, but it does allow them to return to normal living ... a new normal for them.

And that is the challenge of "walking the talk" in this care giving role. Being able to accept the downward slope of progress, accepting the new normal for a loved one, and continuing to walk this path is hard. Heartbreaking at times.

But it is a debt I owe to the mother who raised me, who helped me survive in a dysfunctional family, and who had a hand in making me who I am today. She was far from perfect, but she lived in a situation that I could not tolerate - until she was widowed!

And when I come to the end of this walk, and begin another, I will have no regrets for my actions during this time. I will have done my very best to make her last years good and as healthy as possible.

No regrets!!

V - is for Vigilance

(Posted May 1 for April 26, 2011 - A to Z)

Vigilance was not my original topic for V. But after the hospitalization and the current rehab, Vigilance is all I have been doing.

The role of a caregiver in a medical setting is pretty much to inform, to be vigilant, to ask questions, to be vigilant, to monitor, to be vigilant, to be persistent, to be vigilant, to be patient, and to be vigilant. Did I mention Vigilance??

It began with a trip to hospital ER with her shortness of breath. Her history and current problem are repeated, and repeated and repeated as each new medical person enters the ER room (I am not sure why they have medical charts.) Sprinkled between those repeats are my questions, making sure they haven't slipped something in to her treatment that she is allergic to or cannot tolerate. And to monitor the ongoing treatment, to report her ongoing symptoms, to request changes to treatment (frequently - because asking once doesn't seem to count).

And that was just the hospital. Rehab has been more of the same! Not with medications so much. They seem to be able to read the chart! But her diet was wrong (no salt means no salt - not just taking the salt packet off the tray) and that took 4 days to correct. Congestive Heart Failure most definately is a salt free diet!!

And then there is the vigilance of keeping mom's spirits up. She tends towards self-pity and discouragement - and if I was 85 and frustrated beyond measure and afraid, I might have alittle of that myself. But thankfully she has a daughter who has no patience for that, who reminds her daily that she is one lucky lady - who has family who is with her constantly through this trial, that she is healthier than most of the people in rehab, that she is getting well, that she is in a beautiful facility (believe me, they have some rehabs that are terrible), that she will be going home (some people live here and won't be going home.) Now all that great stuff doesn't come without a price - she needs to work! No work and she stays longer.

We have had that conversation several times, sort of a tough love talk. She is not happy that I am now saying to her - oh, no, you can button your pajama tops yourself, you can adjust your own bed, you know how to work that TV remote. Vigilance. Persistence. Reminders that her glass is half full!

Anyway, that is my life now!

Thank God I am good at Vigilance!!!

Oh, and did I mention that I am pretty tired? That goes with being a caregiver too - but I already did the letter T.

I want my life back, I want her life back, and she will work and improve if only to shut me up!!

:-)

U - is for Unbelieveable - Coming Back Again

(Posted on 4/30/11 - for Monday, 4/25/11)

Well I have been gone for about a week. Alot has happened.

To begin - mom is getting better. She is now in rehab, and I am forever grateful that she is on the mend. I am most grateful for the concern and prayers expressed for her recovery through this blog. I am very sure they made a difference.

Tomorrow, Sunday, I will bring my computer to mom's rehab facility (my second home now), and post the last week of postings for A to Z. I really enjoyed this blog fest and I want to finish it out.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all my wonderful new blog friends and my long term friends during this time. It really does make a difference to know that others are thinking (and praying) that things will improve.

They have, and I am very glad.

And it is Unbelieveable that life can make such a drastic turn and come back around again.

Short personal note

My mom was hospitalized earlier this week, and I have been totally involved with her care. Postings up to this point were prescheduled. Starting Monday I will probably fall behind with my posts. I have already fallen behind on reading posts.

But I will catch up at some point.

For those who pray, please keep my mom in your prayers.

Her spirits are very low and they haven't been able to fix her problem.