Structure - Who Knew!

I knew structure was important to me.  After all, I am the queen of list making, I like things orderly, I hate being late to ANYTHING and I live by my calendar as if it was a bible.  (And as I write those words I am not sure I want to be a person like that, but it is what I am.)

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But the end of this month I got broadsided by the realization that the major constructs of my life - the big "gorillas" that were layered over and created major structure in my life  ... are gone.

You know what I mean - things like The Big Three: a job, raising a family, being a caregiver.

The big things in life that sometimes define you ...

 gone, 

GONE, 

GONE

from my life!

YIKES!

Oh, I didn't really notice any difference at the beginning of January.  After all, I had a funeral to manage, and some estate duties, and then we had several social engagements that I had responsibility for, and I finally put my own health front and center and saw a few doctors.  I cleaned up after Christmas, and set up my weaving station and my lego station (more on that later.)  You know, it has been a busy, busy, busy month!!

BUT ... it is grinding to a halt.  My "to do" lists have shrunk.

NOW WHAT!

Ok, I am a goal oriented individual.  So I have a few ideas bouncing around in my mind.  But those ideas were always there, and I always managed to squeeze them in-between The Big Three!!

BUT

The Big Three are GONE!

Are those few ideas worth taking center stage in my life now??

So what few ideas am I talking about ...

Movement
To begin with I need to move more.  OH . MY . GOD!  I sooooo need to move more.  I am not talking about exercise (exercise would be good too, but how about just keeping my butt off the couch where, by the way, I am sitting right now! *sigh* )

I did start tracking of my movement with my FitBit.  Again, I am not talking about exercise. I just wanted to know what my "normal" was without focusing on walking.  I discovered that I averaged 6,500 a day in January.  That is my baseline now.  New Goal - Do more than 6,500 average a day during the month of February.  And some day I just might see 10,000 steps again!!

In truth, I am pretty far away from my movement goals!  Sadly and embarrassingly so.  For example, I went for a walk today and mostly what I wanted to do during that 30 minutes of walking was find a bench and sit down!  Pathetic ... I was brutal with my self talk. "Keep those 67 year old feet moving forward you lazy thing, or you will find yourself sitting in your mother's wheel chair ... which by the way is now available."  Stuff like that!

I did sign up for a Yoga class.  I need to stop walking like an old lady and getting more flexible will help.

My Hobbies
I have a long love affair with yarn based hobbies.  I have enough yarn in my yarn room (yes, I have a yarn room - doesn't everyone??) enough yarn to knit like a banshie every day until I am 98 years old and never run  out of yarn - even if I stopped buying yarn this very minute for the rest of my life.  (Which, by the way, won't happen ... the not buying yarn part.)  Another embarrassment.  Now I find have the time, the tools and the desire to knit and weave and maybe even spin ... but I also have a little voice in my head that says things like, "Don't you have something better to do with your time."  And then I think hard and I answer myself, "No, apparently not."

Reading
I am reading more and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my Kindle.  I love zombi books, and end of the world books and stories of destruction (hmmm .... is that healthy?) but can I build a life around reading?

And .... ok, pretty much the list stops there.

So dear readers, only 3 lonely ideas are bouncing around in my brain (avoidance of wheel chairs, yarn hoarding while listening to the voices in my head, and tales of destruction.)

Maybe Psych should be my next doctor visit!!

Until next time ...

Retired Knitter.