Looks like I took another blog break. I am not good at 'planning' the schedule of these posts! They just seem to organically happen.
But to say nothing has happened in this period would be a stretch of the truth. It has been and continues to be a soul searching time for me. I think moving into a true retirement, moving away from caregiving, adjusting to my husband's growing disabilities, moving from our home to a condo, and facing my 70th birthday this month ... well, let's just say I haven't given all that stuff enough importance in its impact on my life. Those transitions have not fully settled in my brain and soul.
One theme in my thinking that kept popping up was the future of my blog. Did I still want to do this? I guess I do off and on. I can't seem to permanently pull the plug on this activity. Although I don't feel the need to write like in more difficult days, I just can't hit the 'delete button' on the written record I have created in this space. So I won't. This blog will be my space for when the spirit moves me. I guess it moved me today.
Another theme that kept annoying me (really annoying me) was the time I seem to need to get from one place in life to another. I have always been a 'get to it' kind of person, with little to no patience for those who don't adapt well to change. This is not an element of my personality I am proud of but it is the practice of my life and thinking. Now that 'get to it' attitude seems to have failed me. I am still adjusting and adapting to the changes in my life over the last few years. This time has been filled with a number losses and grief. I have read over and over again .. time to recover from grief takes as long as it takes. I know it is all normal - but it is still annoying.
The final theme that has risen to the surface is that actions speak volumes - talk really says nothing at all. So my actions have lead me to believe that I still am adjusting and grieving some, and still thinking about what is next ... now that all other avenues of my life responsibilities have reached an end. I guess my actions say that I am great at completing the big tasks/stages of life, but I am not so good at moving into others.
My actions? Exercise - not to look better but to feel better. It is taking way longer to see results than any other time in my life. Ha! Everything takes longer now! I am still working on getting settled in the condo and getting the space adapted to our needs. I knit. Despite my desire and talk about spinning and weaving (and buying equipment and supplies, etc. etc. etc.), knitting is what I do. I have regular contact with my grand dogs and my cats. Pets provide a balance through example that life can be really simple! And I read. Although the days are full something seems lacking.
Beyond that ... I think and think and think.
Will I be back? Only my actions will tell.