Mark Twain

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do ...
Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain

Monday, December 12, 2011

Coping ... and keeping busy.

I feel like my life now is all about coping!

I am coping with the loss of mom in my home. Nothing more can be said about that. It is a terrible place to be.

I am coping with my return to blogging. I took a peak at the blog posts I have missed - 668!!! Breath-taking. But I am committed to my blog and my blogging community. I will work through this - it will be a good distraction for me. I am down around 500 back log postings so I am making a dent.

I am coping with the upcoming holiday. At least this year we are more prepared than last year. Our holiday will be much quieter than in the past and very different. But curiously I am grateful for the quiet! The last few years have felt almost like a "habit" - everything was the same. And the traditional habits didn't provide the traditional comforts any more. It seemed more like obligations. Last year was a dreadful holiday because I felt the pressure of trying to maintain some sort of tradition while in the midst of dealing with mom's month long health issues. This year I feel a bit more freedom - no need to conform.

I am coping with my need to keep busy. Busy helps fill the vacant spots I now seem to have. I am cleaning my house (a sure sign I am upset), I am listening to my books on tape (having a constant voice to distract me keeps other thoughts at a distance), and I am thinking about all the personal physical activities I have abandon this year and want to take back so that I can deal with my emotions again (walking, Tai Chi, Yoga).

And I am coping better because I am still knitting. When things heated up again this fall, I resolutely continued to knit. I picked up those needles even if all I wanted to do was stab them into my couch. I didn't :-) ... I used them to create, to keep my hands busy, to force peace into my brain. Knitting, my dear friend. I really need to take some pictures of what I am working on and post them. I have one sweater almost done - that I started in October.

I am coping.

8 comments:

  1. Sometimes that is the best we can say about where we are at the moment..coping... Indeed, sometimes it is a triumph to be able to say that we are coping.

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  2. Keeping busy, especially doing something physical (like cleaning)and having the radio on when I go to bed, are two of my strategies. When I feel like I'm smothering in the silence and alone-ness, I head outdoors.
    You * will* cope, you *will* get through whatever comes, you *will* look back and see that you had strength you hadn't realized, until you needed it.
    You will also have "down" moments, but they, too, shall pass.

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  3. Coping. I know all about coping.
    You seem to be doing what you need to do to get through. Just remember that it's still important to take some time out.
    For some reason, this Christmas is tougher for me than last (the first without my mom). I swore last year that I was channeling her. This year...it's just not there.
    And the blog catching up? There have been a few times that I just had to throw in the towel and accept that I wasn't going to be able to catch up. I ended up just jumping in where I was (and hoping I didn't miss anything good!).

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  4. Wow that is a LOT of posts to read!!! I don't think I'd ever get caught up.
    Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow at knitting.

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  5. Knitting is therapeutic. Keep creating. You are doing so many great things to work through your loss. It's inspirational. Don't worry about reading every post from your blogger friends. One or two, leave a comment, then move to the next one. Our lists become long, but we don't have to do it all at once.

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  6. oh i can't wait to see the sweater you have been working on!

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  7. It's difficult to read your post, I feel your pain. I feel helpless to help you. It is a journey you will go on your own. You WILL make it, you WILL be stronger. Each day will get better, hang on and keep going. Now, let's see that sweater you created!

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Yes, you do want to comment! I can see it in your face:-)