In my previous posting I shared some thoughts that my sister sent me. I have read through her comment several times. It really is a powerful message. It was dredged up from her own health challenges in the last few years. (It is repeated again at the bottom of this post.)
Each time I read her words this one idea kept surfacing: her message about Joy. It is not the first thing that comes to mind when settling into the reality of cancer. “You need to still be able to find joy in your life.”
I spent some time thinking about the concept of Joy - and I made a rather dismal discovery. I am not sure Joy has been in any part of my recent life, much less found regularly in my day-to-day existance. The more I thought about it the more I wondered if I even knew what to look for. Comfort came to mind. I find peace and comfort in my home. Good thing, since the future will be pretty much home bound for now. Satisfaction came to mind. I feel satisfied at finishing the items on my “to do” list, when I finish a knitted item and it turned out good. Happiness came to mind. I feel happy I take care of my grand dogs, when I see my grand daughter, when my adult children are happy and doing well. Gratitude also came to mind. Contentment ... as well. I had no problems coming up with other words.
But Joy! Maybe I just don’t know what Joy is.
So I looked it up. Yes, friends, after 77 years on this earth, I had to look up the meaning of Joy. Sad.
Merriam-Webster
1) A feeling of great pleasure or happiness that comes from success, good fortune or a sense of well-being: gladness.
2) something that gives joy, a joy to behold.
O-kay then! It is more a matter of intensity, a higher bar so to speak.
Using that yardstick - for me Joy was when my son and daughter-in-law got married, discovering my daughter-in-law was pregnant with my grand daughter, the day of my grand daughter’s birth, when my daughter nabbed the house of her dreams after so many months of frustration, my daughter’s soaring and well deserved professional success. Looking further back, the birth of my children, my wedding day.
But in the recent past the only Joy I remember was getting the result that my kidney tumor was not cancer. THAT was JOY! I have only a few desires that would bring me Joy - that my sister’s medical condition would stabilize, and that my husband’s cancer would reach the status of Remission. Please understand - these are all HUGE desires. But that is what would bring me Joy going forward.
I think I will settle for finding these things every day: peace, comfort, satisfaction, happiness, gratitude, contentment. I will settle for one other thing as well: “Everyday is a gift ... those are not just words.”
Hmmm .... maybe that is where Joy resides.
I get another day.
“It is incredibly painful to realize that you are basically at the end of your life, could be a year, could be 5 years, could be longer, could be shorter. This is what your husband is having to come to terms with now. If I can give you some advice, it would be not to give up YOUR years, as much as possible. Of course he will need a lot of assistance,. But whatever is going to happen, is going to happen. You need to still be able to find joy in your life. Every day is a gift ... those are not just words. It would be good for your husband to treasure each day as well, but that is up to him. You are a separate person with a separate battle.”
10 comments:
All the things you describe as having – comfort, peace, satisfaction, happiness, gratitude, contentment; I think those add up to joy. No need to set a higher bar. How many can honestly say they truly feel those things? I do; I think we are a rare breed who count our blessings and value life!
For me, joy started with gratitude. I kept a gratitude journal and realized how much I had to be grateful for, even on the worst days. Joy came after that.
Your age plus two for me; I've stopped trying to label my feelings other than to know I will be satisfied with each day however it unfolds as long as I experience something new. I do like the sentiments expressed in your sister's letter.
Your sister's words, and your posts, reminded me immediately of a quote that I've cherished for man years. It was a favorite of Tasha Tudor (sadly, no longer with us), and I chose it as the banner quote on my blog years ago because I constantly need to be reminded, as you do. Here it is: "The gloom of the world is but a shadow; behind it, yet within our reach, is joy. Take joy."
Every day, many times a day, I have to choose to take joy because it's not really in my nature. I live much of the time with my nose just above the water. It seems that real, BIG joy is like walking on the water. I wish!
I find myself counting my blessings more and more - the older I get. I wish I had done that more as a younger person.
I really should start a gratitude journal. I think about it often but thoughts are lost and the volume of the stuff we recognized then with writing it down is also lost.
Yes, my sister has paid a very steep price to gain that wisdom.
That is a wonderful quote. Thanks for sharing.
I'm not on my computer so much these days, and so am trying to catch up on my blog reading (and writing). I had to pause after reading this, to comment. It is wonderful advice.
I think even the contemplation of joy, when it seems difficult to find it, is an excellent thing. Our other choice is to follow thoughts that lead us to despair. Everyday we have two paths to choose from. Even if we feel that we don't reach our goal on a particular day, choosing the path is still the better option.
I just re-read your sister's words and this time the last sentence especially stood out to me. "You are a separate person with a separate battle." I realize you are a month further along on this journey (as I type this), and I'm just now reading what has already unfolded for you, but I hope that was deeply validating for you. And still is, wherever you are on this road.
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