Although mom's needs no longer fill my every minute now that she lives in Assisted Living, my days seem to pass filled with every activity accept taking a walk.
And it frustrates me that this is the case. So, in true Retired Knitter Style, I tried to examine why I can't seem to take back this one activity that is so important to my health and future functioning.
I think the answer is buried in my recent life changes. For five and half years of care giving, I have felt like a tightly coiled spring, ready to jump, always on alert, in a state of anticipation. Looking back I realize that I used walking to release some of that energy. At times I needed walking to clear my head, to provide some equilibrium ... it had nothing to do with being healthier. And it wasn't done with enough frequency even then to attain any health benefits. But when I did walk, I did get an immediate release of stress and energy so it was a bit more easy to put on the walking shoes.
Like the pendulum on a clock, I seem to have swung in the opposite direction over the last two months. My coiled-spring response to life has relaxed. Activities that draw me in are more thought-filled activities. The "need to walk it off" just seems to be gone.
And the habit to walk for health and enjoyment is harder to start because there isn't an immediate feedback. Building that new habit - one that you know is good for you, that you know will make you feel better - is much harder to adopt when the "carrot" is months away.
So I think I know what is going on.
I wonder if that will help move that little lady on the top of my blog a bit more!!