Feeling in the dump. Sometimes like a grump!
The slump started at the beginning 2010! (See, I am good at hiding it.)
To begin with, I wasn't knitting hardly at all. (That is always a real bad sign.) Yes, I was still buying yarn (because I wasn't dead.) But the act of actually knitting took a major hit.
And I have had crafting ADD. (I flitted from one hobby to the next.) I kept my knitting-hand in but I started several other crafts - spinning and weaving mostly. Started but stalled. Finished projects??? Not so many. 2009 was my banner year for that. And yet ... when I look at my spinning wheel, and the yarn I created I get a warm fuzzy feeling. I think, I need to make more time for that. And when I look at my new loom and the 2 inches of weaving I created, I smile. But sitting down to do these things still is a major struggle for me right now. If I do anything I work on a vanilla sock, or I make more weave-it squares for the blanket I am working on. Both require no thought, no skill, no engagement. But at least I am doing that. Last year? Nothing.
I wasn't exercising as much. I started Tai Chi in 2009, and I picked up walking at the end of 2010. But both have been a struggle in 2011. Because Tai Chi was at a fixed time, I finally had to drop it. I could not make a fixed time class. I picked up Curves as a replacement, but it is struggle to get there as well. And walking, well, that sort of fell off the radar entirely with the hospitalizations and the rehab for my mom. *sigh*
So today I was sitting on my couch like a lump in a dump ... in a grump!! And I FORCED myself off the couch and out the door for a walk. It was good. Walking never fails me. I need to do the same tomorrow.
But everything seems like an effort right now. I know this is a phase that will pass, and I know that I get tripped up every time mom takes a nose-dive health-wise. But I wish I wasn't always struggling to get "back on the horse"! She is doing better and I am now focusing on me again - pushing myself to do the things that I know are important for me.
As far the rise and fall of life's hights and slumps go, this one has been the longest slump of my whole life. It definitely has pushed the boundaries of my experience.
OK, my self-pity talk is now over. Thanks for sticking around to the very end.
Have you had a similar experience that you would like to share? I would love to know that I am not some sort of an odd-ball in a normal world!
Be back again soon.
3 comments:
It's perfectly normal. Everything in you is focused on your mom right now and will be for as long as you have her with you. My folks passed away in 2002 and 2005 and I still find myself unable to really get "into" anything. Days float by sort of wasted and I can't get myself motivated to do anything.
Mybabyjohn, you captured the feeling, "Days float by ...". I am certainly busy enough but it is all the stuff that "needs" to get done.
Yes, I know all this is related to the stepped up level of caregiving for my mom over the past 2 years. I keep hoping I will adjust and get back to normal ... my old normal! :-)
Maybe "old normal" for me is gone as well LOL.
I did get a really good night's sleep last night! Two of those in a row would be really nice!! LOL
i have been living in a slump so I totally empathize with you. though i have made myself knit. it helps keep my mind off the things i can't control and once the project is complete, i have something beautiful to marvel at. :) the ups and the downs will continue. let's just hope there are more ups on the way.
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